Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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About Me

Need to contact me? I'd LOVE to hear from you! Unless you hate me—frankly, I don't really need to hear about that. You can reach me:

on Twitter: @RobynHTV
via email: HollowTreeVentures {at} gmail {dot} com

Want to know more about the blog? Check out these posts that people seemed to like for some reason. If you like what you see, maybe you'll wanna subscribe and/or hire me—I do graphic design, copy editing, consultation, the occasional review, and I love sponsors and advertisers! If not, don't mind me, I'll just be hanging out here in the corner, sobbing quietly. No biggie.

Think I seem familiar from somewhere else around the web? Totally possible—I write for other awesome sites like NickMom, Scary Mommy (where I was Associate Editor), CraftFail (where I served as editor), The Huffington Post, and In The Powder Room. I'm the full time graphic designer for 22 Words and MagiQuiz, where we create viral content with a heart. Need to know ALL THE THINGS about my professional life? You can see it all here.

Simply have a burning desire to know more about me? Nobody likes the discomfort of a burning sensation, so I typed up a list that'll make you feel better. Ice packs help, too—although you should probably still have that rash looked at.

10 Facts About Me That My Loved Ones Have To Tolerate

1. I really do wear yoga pants pretty much every day. Not because they're comfortable, and certainly not because they look good, but because my alien post-pregnancy body won't conform to the shape of any human clothing that isn't primarily composed of Lycra.

2. I abhor crumbs and sticky messes. I didn't know this about myself until I had kids—people warn you about the diapers and the crying, but no one mentions how freaking sticky kids are. I try not to let it interfere with their fun...too much.

Mom, try not to think about how many of these syrup-laden
blueberries will be under the table 10 minutes from now.

3.  I'm a total grammar snob. If your not able too write good, their are way's you could "learn" two right more gooder.
Of course, I NEVER make a grammatical error (ha!). See? I have no idea where the punctuation goes with those parentheses mucking up the works. So I guess I'm also a hypocrite. Consider that Fact #3 1/2.
4.  I find it very difficult not to curse. I know there's rarely an appropriate situation for cursing, blah blah blah, but sometimes it's just the thing I need to emphasize my point. Don't tell my mom, though—one time I got in big trouble just for saying "crap," even though it's, like, the Fonzie of curse words. Not that it's super cool or could start a song by pounding on a jukebox, but I mean it's sort of dressed up to look tough but is essentially harmless. Then again, if I took one of my kids to a pet store and they loudly and publicly asked, "HEY MOM, WHAT'S ALL THAT CRAP IN THE FISH TANK?" I'd probably be less than thrilled, too. So...sorry, Mom.

5.  Most of the time I don't heat up leftovers before I eat them. Once, I ate a spoonful of Spaghetti-os directly from the can while I was making lunch for my kids. This made my husband audibly retch.

6.  I believe there are no calories involved if you're just licking the spoon or straightening up the edge of the brownies in the pan. I'm in denial that these things are in any way related to the 15 pounds I mysteriously can't seem to lose.

Licking the beaters—one of the greatest treats you can imagine in childhood.
Today, I would trade 1,000 beaters for 5 minutes of sleep.

7.  I refuse to admit that I'm either competitive or stubborn. Not that I'm saying I am. But if I were, I wouldn't admit it.

8.  I sing when I'm alone in the house. To be honest, I sing just as much when everyone's home. Loudly. My husband and I make up dorky songs together, either inventing the tunes or changing the lyrics to existing songs ("Rhinestone Cowboy" is a good one for this). Related: we don't have many friends.

9.  In the past, when my kids were small, sometimes I would dress them in something ridiculous to amuse myself when I needed cheering up. I suspect I might do it to poor baby Maddie at some point, too.

Help.  Me.
10.  I fail to finish a lot of my sentences. This absolutely drives my husband up a wall.  But it just seems like, sometimes, when you really... Wait, what was I saying?

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