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37 Ways To Fail At Perfection

If you've spent much time on this planet, at some point or another you've felt pressure to be perfect. Maybe that pressure was coming from someone else, and maybe it was coming from within yourself—a little teenage-you voice inside your head telling you that a pimple on the end of your nose was the end of the world, or a mom-you voice saying that you should do more baking or crafting or that you should actually be able to remember all your kid's friends' moms' names, which frankly I don't even think is scientifically possible—but one way or another we've all felt the pressure to be more. Be better. Be perfect.

But nobody is perfect, so at some point we've also all failed miserably at trying.

Here are just a few examples of ways I might be failing at perfection on any given day of the week (most of them on days during this particular current week):
  1. Brought a class snack to school on the wrong day.
  2. Couldn't fight my way back out of my Spanx.
  3. Hemmed my daughter's pants, but somehow managed to sew the legs together instead.
  4. Asked my kid how to use Snapchat, which apparently is about as lame as you can possibly be while attempting to be cool.
  5. Then was reminded by my kid that he's not allowed to use Snapchat.
  6. Wore the perfect shade of lipstick...on my teeth.
  7. Made a beautiful, Pinterest-inspired dinner that tasted disgusting.
  8. Took 857 attempts to get one decent holiday family photo.
  9. Wore some sexy new jeans—then got home and realized there's a sparkly My Little Pony sticker on my butt.
  10. Told my husband a really funny story because I knew it would make him laugh. Which it did. The day before, when he'd told the story to me.
Okay, so if you're counting (and still remember the title of this post), you'll notice that I didn't actually list 37 ways to fail at perfection.

But I have a good reason for that.

YOU GUYS. If you've been here for a while, you're not going to believe this.

Remember how, a million years ago, I used to be a writer?

Well brace yourselves, because...I still am.

I KNOW. Based on the fact that I only put up a new post here once every eighteenth blue moon and I suck on ice about linking to articles I write on other sites, you probably thought I forgot how to computer.

But I do still write, and in fact, I'm in a new book that's being released today!!!

It's all about people's attempts to be perfect—and their hilariously spectacular failures.

Thirty seven of them, to be exact.

My essay in the book goes all the way back to when I was in my early twenties. It starts off like this:

We all feel pressure to be perfect from time to time—and we can all agree that our inevitable failure is hilarious. I Just Want to Be Perfect (the 4th book in the New York Times Bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series) is the funny book about learning to embrace our perfect imperfections. It's a PERFECT choice for your book club, LOL escape, or summer beach read!

And then it goes downhill from there. Or uphill, depending on how much you like stories about people who lose their eyebrows thanks to questionable dating choices.

I realize now that makes it sound like I ended up dating the nymphomaniac. Let me be very clear that I DID NOT DATE THE NYMPHOMANIAC. The nymphomaniac did, however, give me a very heartfelt and oddly religious Christmas card as I was moving out of that apartment, even though we had never spoken to each other before that moment and I'm pretty sure it wasn't near Christmas.

But that's a different story for another time. Back to the book!

If you've ever tried to be perfect and failed, you're not alone. In this humorous collection of stories, 37 women detail their misguided quest for perfection and the epic failures that result. Get your copy of I Just Want to Be Perfect (the fourth book in the best-selling series) today, and laugh along with us at the silly and impossible pursuit of perfection.

Yes, it's available RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE, so go pick up a copy (or several) right now! It'll probably be the most perfect thing you do all day.


Jen Mann - People I Want to Punch in the Throat / I Just Want to Pee Alone

Bethany Kriger Thies - Bad Parenting Moments

Deva Nicole Dalporto - MyLifeSuckers

Julianna Wesby Miner - Rants From Mommyland

Lola Lolita - SammichesPsychMeds / MockMom

Kim Bongiorno - Let Me Start By Saying

Alyson Herzig - The Shitastrophy

Kathryn Leehane - Foxy Wine Pocket

Harmony Hobbs - Modern Mommy Madness

Erin Dwyer Dymowski - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Tara Wood - Love Morning Wood

Kelcey Kintner - The Mama Bird Diaries

Lisa René LeClair - Sassypiehole

Joelle Wisler - Joelle Wisler, Writer

Christine McDevitt Burke - Keeper of The Fruit Loops

Meredith Spidel - The Mom of the Year

Meredith Gordon - Bad Sandy

Nicole Leigh Shaw - NicoleLeighShaw.com

Allison Hart - Motherhood, WTF?

Jennifer Lizza - Outsmarted Mommy

Suzanne Fleet - Toulouse and Tonic

AK Turner - Vagabonding with Kids

Robyn Welling - Hollow Tree Ventures

Ashley Fuchs - The Malleable Mom

Kim Forde - The Fordeville Diaries

E.R. Catalano - Zoe vs. the Universe

Chrissy Woj - Quirky Chrissy

Stacey Gill - One Funny Motha

Wendi Aarons - wendiaarons.com

Jen Simon – jensimonwriter.com

Janel Mills - 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of.

Jessica Azar - Herd Management

Susanne Kerns -The Dusty Parachute

Audrey Hayworth - Sass Mouth

Hedia Anvar - Gunmetal Geisha

Christine Organ - christineorgan.com

Shya Gibbons - ShyaGibbons

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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