Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Types of Rules You Never Had Before Kids

Before I had children, if you had tried to warn me that one day I'd not only have to tell them to pick up their shoes, but that half the time they wouldn't even be able to find their shoes, and the rest of the time I'd have to remind them things like, "Yes, as a matter of fact you DO need to wear shoes, so PUT ON YOUR SHOES" 837 times in a row, and that I could ditto that for coats/sunscreen/toothbrushes/and about 4 billion other things, I would have laughed in your face and possibly pitied your meager existence.

Now, however, I'm a mom. And as such, I've not only experienced all that firsthand, but I've had to establish actual house rules to keep the unbelievably ridiculous kid-related chaos to a minimum. I'll bet you have, too!

4 FUNNY Types of Rules You Never Had Before Kids article by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

The obvious.
No dancing in the bathtub.
Real knives are not toys.
You can't take off your clothes at the grocery store.
Don't hang from the curtains - they're not vines, I don't care what kind of jungle adventure game you're playing.

The gross.
Please remember to flush when company's coming over.
The wall by your bed is not to be used as a Kleenex.
No lifting Mommy's shirt in public to demonstrate how jiggly her belly is.
We don't ever want to touch the cat there. Now go wash your hands.

The ridiculous.
Don't put pennies down your pants.
There is never a good reason to poke someone in the eye.
No launching your toys using Mommy's bra as a slingshot.
If you're going to have a screaming contest, take it outside.

The did-I-really-just-say-that?
Keep your butt off the table.
We don't smack each other with bologna.
Underwear is not a hat.
No ice cream before breakfast - what do you think this is, Grandma's house?!?

What about you? Please tell me I'm not the only one inventing new rules on the daily that, a few short years ago, I'd have thought were absolutely insane!

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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