Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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What kids learn on a field trip

My 9-year-old daughter came home from from an especially long school day, excited but thoroughly drained. It was field trip day, and she'd spent six hours round-trip on a bus, seatbelt-lessly bouncing all the way to our fine state capital and back.

It was an educational journey, including museum visits and capitol building tours and luke-warm sack lunches. It was a time of girlish giggling, of chaperones locating public restrooms on short notice, of traversing a Big City on achy feet while holding hands with a randomly assigned partner and frantically trying to keep up with the teacher.

So much culture. So many learning opportunities. So many verses of The Wheels On the Bus.

I'm sure the school district had fancy notions of enlightening today's youth with information about government, architecture, history and science. I'm sure the students were presented with facts and and exposed to visual wonderment. They were shown amazing sights and multi-million dollar exhibitions.

Over dinner, I asked my child what she learned during the trip. Here is what she told me.

  1. The elevators at the capitol building hold, like, 30 people.
  2. A bunny running alongside a bus can only keep up for about half a block.
  3. They sell fuzzy bookmarks at the museum gift shop.
  4. The museum gift shop also carries necklaces with mood-detecting charms shaped like wolf heads (she didn't tell me this, but I figured it out based on the fact that she bought one).
  5. The inside of a dome looks like an inside-out dome.
  6. If you make eye contact with some creepy guy, he'll follow you around everywhere you go. (I was super concerned about this part, until a barrage of questions revealed that her "creepy stalker" was just a fellow classmate. DRAMA!)
  7. The state tree is the white pine. (I looked it up, and that's actually true!)
  8. The Civil War happened (also true).
  9. Hot Cheetos really do make your breath hot.
  10. If you lie down on the glass floor on the second story of the capitol building, someone in a black suit will ask you to get up.
So, thank you, School. You took my child on a field trip she'll never forget, and she actually learned two real things, in addition to some important life lessons about rabbits and respecting boundaries in government zones. For that, I credit the dedication of your amazing teaching staff, and your decision to ride on a standard school bus; when my son went on this trip two years ago, the only thing he'd talk about at dinner was the fact that the charter bus had TVs on it. He doesn't even remember how many people fit in the capitol building elevators! I hope that wasn't on the test.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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