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What Not To Do At BlogHer'13

I'm sure you were devastated last weekend when I didn't publish a weekly wrap-up, and probably called the paramedics to rush over to my house to make sure I hadn't fallen down a well or accidentally eaten some of my own cooking.

Never fear, I was just at BlogHer'13, but now I'm back, and I'm ready to let you know how I managed to embarrass myself - aka what NOT to do at any conference of any kind.

BlogHer'13 friends
See? I was there. And people were even seen with me in public.
From left: Tara of You Know It Happens At Your House Too, Kim of Let Me Start By Saying, Andrea of Underachiever's Guide To Being a Domestic Goddess, (back) Ellen of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, (front) me, Hillary of Because My Life Is Fascinating, Keesha of Mom's New Stage, Ilana of Mommy Shorts, Anna of My Life and Kids, (back) Erin of Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, (laughing) Nicole of Nicole Leigh Shaw, Tyop Aretist

what not to do at BlogHer

  1. Under no circumstances should you attempt to wean your baby while you're gone. This will cause what medical experts refer to as Dysmorphic Boob Syndrome, in which you discover that your baby apparently strongly favored one side, resulting in one half of your torso being relatively normal-sized and the other half getting so large it develops its own gravitational pull.
  2. Do not call attention to your chestular asymmetry, as that causes others to find your condition highly squeezable.
  3. photo book signing with Devan
    I'm kidding - Devan, you superfan, you can squeeze me any time.
  4. While we're on the subject of chesticles (aren't we always?), exercise caution when wearing a real bra in favor of your usual sports bra for the first time in three years. I attempted to reenter the bra scene in a foundation garment with detachable straps, which really should be reserved for experienced bra pros only. Halfway through the first night, I discovered the front left strap had become dislodged and was hanging out of the back of my shirt. Nothing says, "Hello, World! I told you I was awkward!" like wearing your bra strap as a tail.
  5. Avoid molesting the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Here he is, pictured with Kim of Let Me Start By Saying, moments before I was asked to climb him like a spider monkey while whispering, "I'm really sorry about all this" into his costume ear-hole. Don't worry, I'll direct you to the photo when it's published - because there's pretty much nothing I won't do for my friends.
  6. doughboy
    Kim of Let Me Start By Saying (on the left - but you already knew that)
  7. If you see people holding a camera up in your direction, don't assume they're taking a picture of you. Posing and smiling can get awkward after you realize they've snapped a pic of the people next to you.
  8. Don't get all weepy at a love-fest of a dinner. If your friends are humor writers, there's a strong chance they'll never let you forget it.
  9. love fest dinner
    In The Powder Room dinner - DO NOT MAKE ME CRY AGAIN!
    Kerry of HouseTalkN, Kim of Let Me Start By Saying, Rebecca of Frugalista Blog,
    me, Leslie of The Bearded Iris, Keesha of Mom's New Stage, Gina of Totally Full of It,
    Anna of My Life and Kids, Hillary of Because My Life Is Fascinating
  10. Try not to get lost in the middle of the city on the way to your own book signing.
  11.  photo roommateswalkin_zpsd4d1459e.jpg
    We'll ask someone where we are - as soon as we finish walk-eating.
  12. Remember: CAB DRIVERS DO NOT THINK YOU ARE FUNNY. Even if you really, really are.
  13. cab ride
    "You're going to kill us all!!!"
    From left: me, (photo lovingly stolen from) Kerry of HouseTalkN,
    Hillary of Because My Life Is Fascinating, Rebecca of Frugalista Blog

A huge thanks to everyone who came to the I Just Want To Pee Alone book signing - it blew us all away to see so many people come from all over to share stories and laughs with us, and we loved every second of it!

Big virtual hugs to all the people I finally met in real life last weekend, not to mention some brand new friends - I'm not naming any names because if I leave someone out (which I will, because I'm flighty like that) I don't need hate mail tied to bricks being hurled through my computer screen. BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Special thanks to my husband and mom, who braved life with all the children, including the cold-turkey weaning of the youngest, so I could go to Chicago. On top of that, when I arrived home the laundry and dishes were clean, my husband whisked the kids off to the store so I could decompress and settle in, and they've been handling 100% of everything this week so I can attempt to catch up. Yes, I have the best family ever. Yes, they're mine and yes, I'll cut anyone who tries to steal them.

And finally, a huge thanks to all of you who read this silly little blog of mine. Without you, I couldn't really call myself a writer, and I greatly prefer "writer" to a lot of other things I've been called.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm squeezing out of my Spanx and squeezing into a wrap-up. Yes, I know the date on the graphic is wrong, but I finished this early and I'm way too lazy to make a new one...

 photo weeklywrapup320130803_zps60c7823b.jpg

Where I was while I wasn't here:

I revealed how not to make old-school friendship bracelets - and then linked to my tutorial for making great ones.

I explained my love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with my kids' biggest summer activity.

I had a little too much fun pretending to sell my junk on eBay.

I found a controversial new place to hide tampons on In The Powder Room.

A fun new site, Sweatpants and Coffee, kindly published a little ditty I wrote about the Pee Alone book.

Congrats to the winner of our Great Summer Reading Giveaway, Kate of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine! Love her, and was so excited to meet up at BlogHer'13 (yes, she's a real live person - I'll vouch for her). And with that, I pretty much almost might sort of promise not to say anything else about BlogHer'13. Probably.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


jen said...

sounds like the best time!

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

It was a blast! Um, uh, I mean, it was an interesting learning opportunity. ;)

StaciaE said...

sigh. I just can't wait for next year.... chesticale sqweezes all around!!!

Michael Lombardi said...

My wife went on a business trip at one point and had to pump and store the milk. She then had to find dry ice and a shipping place in Las Vegas that could one day air it to us. Then the package went missing for a day. It was thankfully packed with enough dry ice that it arrived at temp and was still good. And then there's the part were the pump doesn't get as much out as the baby, so she was never truly empty and had the slightest bit of duct plugging going on.

caffchronicles said...

Darn it, if I had known there were free feels!!

Unknown said...

SCHMOOPY! Just when I thought I couldn't love you more...
You are the breast, I mean best!

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

No doubt! *starts packing*

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

That's dedication! Kudos to your wife, I know that's far from easy.

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

Next year, my friend - next year. :)

Kate Hall said...

Great wrap up! Love seeing these pictures, because while I saw some of these ladies from afar I didn't actually get to meet all of them and now I know who they are! I really want to see you climbing the PDBoy like a spider monkey. And I'm LOVING all my goodies that I've been getting in the mail. So excited to have won the big summer giveaway! LOVE IT!!!

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

I'm so glad! We need to do BlogHer again next weekend - there wasn't enough time!!! (The sound you just heard was my husband nailing the door shut.)

Gerard Welling said...

Take it easy there. One more story about boob grabbing or dough boy molesting and I won't ever let you out of the attic of our nonexistent Victorian house again.

Just kidding. Or am I?

Tune in next week to find out!

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

Hey, as long as the attic has wifi, I'm good with that.

The Spin Cycle said...

Loved this, Robyn. You made me giggle as always. My ass and I loved meeting you and are only slightly miffed that we didn't get special mention on what *not* to do when trying to be professional. ;)

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

You and your ass were so sweet about me fawning all over you, I completely forgot that pouncing on you and admitting to admiring your rear from afar should have registered as unprofessional! I hope you can both forgive me. ;)

rorybore said...

sounds like the best time!! One year I may even get to see for myself.

Andrea B. said...

You sound like the kind of person I would have hoped to meet had I been there. Glad you had a blast! :)

Marianne said...

I'm so sorry I missed you! I may have been over-served. My bad. :(

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

"Over-served" - love that! And I feel your pain. ;) Next time, for SURE. We'll get over-served together.

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

Likewise! Maybe next year?!?!?

Robyn of HollowTreeVentures said...

You should! It was a lot of fun, and there's a possibility I even learned something (I'll consult my notes...)

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