Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Mother's Day cards for the Real World

I used to work for a greeting card company, so I can tell you with some authority that most greeting cards are full of crap (figuratively speaking, of course). I'm mainly talking about the sappy ones, the ones that spout goofy sentiments we would never say out loud in real life in a million years. And yet, on birthdays and anniversaries, we're perfectly willing to plunk down $4.50 and sign our names underneath whatever garbage is typed inside, as if our husband really believes that we consider his heart to be "a beauteous, rare and fragile gift," just because the card has "Darling" scrawled across the front in gold glitter.

This is especially true of Mother's Day cards. Unless your kids actually speak in verse and regularly use words like "wondrous" to describe you, pretty much every store-bought card you've ever received is a bunch of hooey.

Don't think so? Just grab any Mother's Day card you find on the street, or tucked behind empty envelopes in the Uncle's Birthday - Humorous section of your local greeting card aisle, and look inside. Every single one contains a phrase like, "letting you know you're loved so very much throughout the year," to which, pardon my French, I call bullshit. If I'm so wondrous and beloved throughout the year, why is it that the day after Mother's Day I can 100% count on nobody listening to a damn word I say?

Well, our friends at Rants from Mommyland and Naughty Betty have found a way to fix all that. They've created some awesome Mother's Day cards for the real world - ones that'll make us laugh AND tell the world what we really want for Mother's Day (hint: it isn't breakfast in bed, consisting of burnt toast that's just going to crumble into our sheets and give us another load of laundry to wash).

I know, funny, right? Well, on top of that, they've partnered with Sweet Relish, who has agreed to donate up to $10,000 to Shelter House, a safe place for victims of domestic violence, based on the number of times any of these cards is shared on a blog, Facebook, Pinterest or Twitter. So, get some giggles, share these cards and help moms in need. To see the rest of the ecards and find out more, click here!

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


LA Botchar said...

we need one about hot coffee too. and by that I mean coffee NOT reheated 214 times since your first poured it. :)

Carrie - ASassyRedhead.com said...

Great, great great! I'm kind of a new mom to a teen girl. She's 15 and my first. Uh, huh.

My first Mother's Day and I'd just like to have a shower with hot water after the first 4 minutes.


RobynHTV said...

My poor mom was well known for reheating her mug in the microwave and then finding it two hours later - still in the microwave - because of all the interruptions. Some things are true through the generations! ;)

RobynHTV said...

I'm terrified for my girls to be teens - for lots of reasons, but partly because I know they'll be paying me back for all the times *I* used up all the hot water. Good luck!

TheSocialButterflyMom said...

My husband wanted to do breakfast in bed for my birthday. My response: "The mess! Not worth the mess!"

RobynHTV said...

Mother's Day breakfast in bed has almost as much undeserved hype as New Year's Eve and prom combined.

The Third Partier said...

You can have whatever you want for Mother's Day, Babe.**

**Consult with me for a list of things I prefer "whatever" be.

TNMom said...

"If I am so wondrous and beloved throughout the year, why is it that the day after Mother's Day I can 100% count on nobody listening to a damn word I say?"

GOLD!! Best line ever! I love this! Rock on mama! <3 Devan

RobynHTV said...

Heh heh. I see what you did there. ;)

RobynHTV said...

Heehee! Thanks, Devan - happy Mother's Day eve!

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