Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
Follow the Hollow Tree on Facebook!Follow the tweets!Let's pin together!Look! Square pictures!Google Plus us!HTV's on the YouTube, too!Subscribe via RSS feed!Get yourself some Bloglovin'!I'll send htv to your email inbox!

As The Dollhouse Turns - The Babysitter

Episode 9 - The Babysitter

Sunny finally has the information she needs to free Buzz from jail, but when she gets to the police station to tell them the details, she discovers two things.

1) Buzz has already been released! He was bailed out by a man going only by John Doe, and was taken to an address that the clerk didn't realize was fake, even though it was 123 Fake Street. And...

2) Certain police officers are kind of stingy when it comes to sharing baked goods.

"You know what goes great with wine? Everything.
Especially donuts..."

Staring at the clerk in disbelief and not sure what to do next, Sunny feels her purse vibrate.

How embarrassing,  Sunny thinks, blushing. But when she fumbles around in the depths of her knock-off Vera Wang, she discovers the source is just her phone. Pulling it out and brushing off the Goldfish cracker crumbs, she checks the display.

That can't be good. Her fears are confirmed when she answers the call - it's the babysitter.

"Ummm, hi Sunny! I hate to bug you..." Beatrice's voice sounds way too chipper. Red flags are going up all over the place.

"No trouble," Sunny responds tentatively. "What's up?"

Just tidying up this little mess
you didn't have time to take care of before you left...

"Nothing, really. Just a quick question. Do you know the number for Papa Johns? And Poison Control?"

"What?" Sunny feigns concern, though with three kids there aren't a whole lot of things in the house that haven't already been spilled, licked, and/or ingested and proven not to be deadly. Besides, somebody almost always has an upset stomach after Buzz has been in charge. He probably let the kids have ice cream and licorice for dinner.

Sunny uses the distraction to casually lean over the clerk's desk, trying to get a peek at her husband's police record. Why on earth is his file so thick?

Wait... Is that Jimmy???

"Oh, never mind," Beatrice continues. "She just threw up. Mostly outside, even! I'm sure she's fine now."

"Grrrreaaaat," says Sunny, turning her attention back to the call. "Hey, Buzz didn't happen to come home yet, did he?"

"Nope, he isn't here. All his shirts still smell like him, though."

"Okay, thanks. Wait - what???" Click. Sunny sighs heavily and hangs up. The clerk closes Buzz's file and uses it as a coaster for her coffee mug; that mystery will have to wait.

The clerk jots a few notes as Sunny tells her what she learned about the bar fight - that it was Maggie's ex-husband, Buster, who started the fight, not Buzz. No, she can't explain why Buzz and Buster are nearly identical, but the fact remains that Buzz is innocent.

Of this, anyway.

Sunny makes her way toward the exit, past the suspected felons in the station lobby. She's concentrating so hard on not making eye contact, she almost doesn't notice her phone vibrating again.

"Hello?" she says enthusiastically, grateful to have an excuse not to respond to the hobo who keeps asking if she has a cigarette or some hooch he could "borrow."

Watch it, mister. People have lost a hand over less.

"Me again," Beatrice chirps. "I was just wondering if you knew how to get that wine you're always drinking out of one of your cardigans."

"Are you doing laundry?" Sunny asks, surprised but hopeful.
She'd wondered before about Beatrice's somewhat... odd  behavior, feeling like Beatrice was a tad too  comfortable taking over Sunny's role every time she came over to babysit. Beatrice really makes herself at home, and she's awfully friendly with Buzz, plus wasn't there one time when she thought she overheard Beatrice telling the kids to call her "Mommy"...?

Sunny shakes her head dismissively. She's being silly - she decides to shake off her funny feeling about Buzz being involved in Jimmy's disappearance, forget her curiosity about Buzz's thick police file, and resolves to overlook a whole lot of oddity in sweet, innocent Beatrice (or anyone who's willing to tackle the laundry, for that matter).

Besides, it's not like Beatrice is obsessed with Sunny's life and wants to be her and dresses up in her clothes when she's not around and is in love with Buzz or anything.

That would be crazy.


"Yeah... I'm, um, doing laundry."

"Don't worry, I'll be right there." Sunny hangs up the phone and makes it all the way to the parking lot before the phone starts to vibrate again.

She's lost in thought, though, and doesn't answer. She feels a little liberated, having decided to let all her silly, unfounded suspicions go. But one question still nags her.

Where on earth is Buzz?

The drama continues next time! Until then, please feel free to catch up on previous episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns. But first, let's thank our sponsors! And let's pretend our sponsor is the Top Mommy Blogs button below! And let's pretend it likes to be thanked by getting clicked!

Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


Colleen said...

The mirror! The photo of Jimmy! The wine-stealing hobo! I don't know what's funnier - your writing or your photo skills!!!

shannon said...

hahaha! okay, this installment was definitely funny, and the hobo trying to gank the bottle of hooch made me totally laugh out loud. buuut, your 'let's thank our sponsors' by clicking on them was an extra added bit of cleverness that was hiLARious...

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

They should make As The Dollhouse Turns action figures. I bet they would be popular with the kids.

Anonymous said...

I WANT THE BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!

RobynHTV said...

You're too kind! I'm just glad you guys can't tell how dumb I am with the photography; no matter how many pictures I take I never end up having the right one. There's a lot of time wasted on Photoshop. ;)

RobynHTV said...

Thanks! Also, I'm totally working "gank" back into my daily vocabulary - love it.

RobynHTV said...

Ha! I bet they'd be surprisingly popular with the parents, too.

RobynHTV said...

Teehee :) As soon as I'm independently wealthy, you'll be getting the first copy!

Plant Seeds of Happiness said...

ohh the suspense is so great Good Job Robyn :)
Happy Winesday :]
~ Janice~

Anonymous said...

Did you make those little donut boxes or is that photoshopped? Of course I am drawn to the donuts.

RobynHTV said...

Thanks, Janice! (Winesday - ha!)

RobynHTV said...

Me too. :) Surprisingly enough, those are a few of the props that are actually real! My mom made them. She's uber-crafty - she actually made the whole police station! :)

Stephanie said...

I only discovered your site last week, but I'm totally addicted! I love "As The Dollhouse Turns". Jimmy! Beatrice! Maggy! Buzz's evil twin Buster! You have it all. :)

Dear God, the work you put into the props, photoshop and 'location shoots' though! You must not sleep.

BTW, I refuse to believe that your children are suffering from your dedication to your readership. Any mother who jokes about her inattention is wholly aware of her childrens' activities. It's the moms who think they are perfect that are probably on Facebook or watching The Real Housewivs of IDONTCARE while their children are cutting each others' hair with hedge clippers or feeding the baby raw chicken and laundry detergent! ;)

RobynHTV said...

I can't begin to express to you how much I love this comment. You basically validated my entire life and made me laugh. I'm thinking of printing and framing it to hang near my computer; I'll refer to it often, especially right after I read a comment from someone who thinks I'm Child Protective Services fodder. ;)

Anonymous said...

And when do you suppose that will be?

RobynHTV said...

Any day now, right? RIGHT? ::shakes fist at the universe::

BadParentingMoments said...

Ok, the mini doll sized Dunkin Donuts boxes? I just love you. You are so talented and funny and smart and yes, maybe I DO want to wear your clothes? So what? Your whites are all folded and bleached. Meet me on 123 Fake Street in 5.

Unknown said...

I love the dramatic close-up of Sunny each week. Awesome. Your writing is so good and it amazes me how you make this so freaking funny every time. Love it!

Mercy Langille said...

Just went back over the whole story - it's fun to read and must be fun to write and photograph. Can't wait for the next one.

RobynHTV said...

I'm so there - I'll bring our matching BFF t-shirts.

RobynHTV said...

Thanks! I pretty much try to think of the most likely thing to happen to me (toddler writing on the walls) and the least likely thing to happen to me (excitement of any kind) and work them both into the same story. Hm, not really - but it sounds good. I think I'll start doing that from now on!

RobynHTV said...

It IS a lot of fun - thanks so much for going back to look at the previous episodes! Next week is the Halloween special. :0

The Third Partier said...

I see you've thrown a couple new wrinkles in the plot line. I like the Fatal White Female that Rocks the Cradle Instinct plot. That pic of Jimmy is priceless (he photographs well). :D I found myself thinking that there was really a doll with the same clothes as Sunny until it dawned on me that you've gotten pretty sporty with Photoshop. The duct tape pic was a great cliffhanger, and hilarious to boot. And then you close with the also hilarious bid for the vote/click. It's like the Mad fold-in on the back cover. You always know you're going to finish with funny.

LA Botchar said...

Oh my goodness...I came running right over. has it started? did I miss anything? Will Buzz be back?
Yep pretty much my though process in the span of time it took to open my email and click the link.

Beatrice....she's not gonna boil any rabbits or anything? right?
Oh Sunny......you in danger girl.

RobynHTV said...

Thanks, babe - er, I mean, completely non-biased stranger! Poor Jimmy - that is a great pic of him, and it looked so cool in the file folder, but when I stretched it out to make it look like it was really on the desk, he got kinda squished...

RobynHTV said...

Hahahahahaha (deep breath) hahahaha! Please tell me you don't mind if I use, "Oh Sunny... you in danger girl" in future ATDT promos! Love it!

Unknown said...

You are too much!! I loved, loved 123 Fake Street. How could she have been so dense???

RobynHTV said...

Thanks - she is pretty dense, isn't she? ;)

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?