Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Blogging Bites Back

I absolutely love having a blog.

Except when it's hard.  Or time consuming.  Or I have writer's block.  Or when a loved one throws my blog back in my face as a punch line.

When I started HTV, I secretly took pleasure in threatening those around me* that I was going to blog about whatever it was they were doing, especially if what they were doing was irritating me.
And we all know how many things fall into the category of Things That Irritate Me.  Pretty much all the things.
Before long, these threats were being volleyed back to me in the form of snide taunts such as, "Why don't you blog  about it?" every time I complained about something or wanted to make a point that no one in real life wanted to hear about.

Often, I do  blog about it, even if Real Life people aren't the only ones who don't want to hear about it.  (Take THAT, deadly cloud of space dust.)

Yesterday, I texted a photo of Maddie to Gerry while he was at work.  I know he misses her during the day, so I wanted to show him Maddie's happy face and also prove that I can hold a camera while I'm eating bon bons and watching Friends reruns on TBS all day, just like any top-notch mother.

"I'm not quite this blurry in real life."

Last night, we were discussing the photo.
Gerry (noting Maddie's purple and white striped onesie):  This looked blue in that picture.

Me (referencing the gorgeous, aqua, milk-stained tank top I was wearing**):  Maybe it was a reflection from my shirt.

Gerry (perhaps a little overly incredulous):  Oh, the reflection from your shirt made the purple  stripes look blue?

Me (indignant):  You don't know.***

Gerry (to Maddie):  Your mother is pretending to know something, but we know that can't be right because she never makes any sense.

Me (to Maddie, possibly while packing Gerry's suitcase for him):  Your daddy doesn't know when to stop words from coming out of his talk hole.

Gerry (smirking):  Aww, honey, I don't mean anything by it - I'm just blogging out loud.
Hmmm.  I see.  So that's  what we think of the blog, eh?  Well, babe, I'd hate for you to have to waste a lot of breath repeating that line every time you make fun of me, because at that rate you'd run out of breath about four seconds after you got home from work.  So I made you something.

Folks, I pinkie promise I'm (probably) not going to make a new shirt every day, but I think we can all agree this one was necessary.

* When I say I "secretly took pleasure" in threatening people, I mean that I took pleasure in the most obvious way possible, complete with finger tenting and maniacal laughter.
** Full disclosure: I'm still wearing it.
*** Good comeback.

No marriages were harmed in the making of this blog post.
As far as I know.
Because he hasn't read it yet.
Please click below to vote, then stop back by to read the comments, because I bet he won't be able to resist countering my snark with more snark.
Ah, indirect internet snarking.
That's why we'll be married forevahhhhhh.
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Stacey said...

*Totally* necessary.

Don't think I don't notice that even when The Baby has a (completely adorable) happy face, that I don't feel the mesmerization. Also, that many "don'ts" probably cancel each other out but it's still true.

Emily Genther said...

Few people realize the power we hold at our bloggity fingertips :) That shirt is amazing and I must buy one come payday! I've also nominated you for The Beautiful Blogger Award.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Non-blogging people just don't understand. We are saving this world one blog post at a time. At least that's what I tell people I'm doing.

Heather said...

The people around us have no idea how much self-control it takes to blog with mercy. They are all pretty stinking lucky, if you ask me.

The Third Partier said...

perhaps you should inform your loyal reading public that your husband has a blog also, albeit one that only gets updated once every several millenia. also, due to the fact i'm going to be using said blog in my campaign, i won't be blogging about (fill in the blank with one of the zillionty things you don't want me blogging about).

but your hyperbole is hilarious, and you know i'm your number one fan. and also, i know where you sleep, or at least where you TRY to sleep in between punching me in the arm to get me to stop snoring and assuaging the baby-child's fusses.

i love you, and i want that shirt. and you have to buy it for me, because it was made for me.

Ali - My Suitcase Full of Tricks said...

Ah, the punchline. Gotta love that. "Why don't you BLOG about it?" "Be careful, you might end up on her BLOG." "Oh, is this going to be your next blog post?"

Vanessa said...

Ouch, I laughed and now I have a cramp, but damn I like that shirt! You've got to make one more with the same sentiment for women.

just keep swimming said...

I kind of like how hard core you are making products and stuff. I am also digging that your husband is so supportive. I am also filing away that "If you piss me off I'll blog about it" bit to fling at my husband. There are times he just deserves it.

Pish Posh said...

Heh heh, your husband sounds pretty funny to me. I hope people don't change colors from the reflections of other people's clothes hahaha.

Why so blue, babe? Feeling down?

I'm not blue. It's just your shirt reflecting on me.

Also your lil peanut girl is SO cute, look at that smile! Happy baby! Did she just have a Bon Bon too? Gum it?

You want to make t-shirts for me? I want to sell stuff and have some popular posts, but can't actually make the things.

Sanstrousers said...

I wanna squish your cute, wittle baby's cheeks! (Not weird, right?)

The Blue Orchid of Texas said...

I was reminded of the power of the blog (working both ways of course) yesterday when an acquaintance did something really rotten to me and then instead of apologizing melted down into a woe-is-me party. So after her little drive-by on me, I notice that she's hitting my blog a LOT throughout the night. No comments, just looking. For what, I wonder?!

Oh and Maddie is such a beauty. That look. I've seen it before. Oh, she must be wanting your bon-bon.

Kimberly said...

I throw my husband under the bus a lot only because he says he reads my blog but he doesn't.
next...we are discussing his holy underwear...so thin you can see right through to china.
Put that on a shirt.

RobynHTV said...

She might even be extra mesmerizy with the happy baby face - or maybe that's just what she WANTS me to say!

RobynHTV said...

Yes, we ARE powerful, aren't we? Muahahahaha!

And thankyoueversoverymuch for the nomination! I'm not sure if this is one of those where I'm supposed to do something? I looked one your blog (which I'm going to check out further this afternoon) but I didn't see anything... Of course I haven't had coffee yet, either, so that prolly has a lot to do with it.

RobynHTV said...

By "saving this world," I assume you mean "working toward world domination." Because that's what I tell people I'M doing.

RobynHTV said...

HA! "Blog with mercy" - I love it! :) Yes, they should be veryy grateful, indeed - and careful!

RobynHTV said...

Oh, so you're going to pretend like you were doing YOUR blogging out loud? Mmmhmm. I'll believe that when I see some blogging happen.

Thanks for being my #1 fan - though I swear, you sleep punch somebody ONE TIME and you never hear the end of it.

RobynHTV said...

Uh huh, so you get that at home, too, eh?

RobynHTV said...

You sound like me, sustaining injury from normal activities! Glad you like the shirt, though! ;) If you really want it, you can click on the shirt above and change it to a women's shirt... because I like to leave people's options open. ;)

RobynHTV said...

It's not always a very effective threat, but it's nice to have something to throw out into an argument. And yes, he is very supportive - I'd have given up on blogging a long time ago if it weren't for him. Thank you for YOUR support, too!!!

RobynHTV said...

He is funny, but don't tell him I said so - it only encourages his behavior.

I'd be HAPPY to help you with t-shirts! Tweet me or email me if you get to the point that you want to try it out; it's super easy (otherwise there's no way I'd be doing it).

RobynHTV said...

Not. at. all. They're highly squishable.

RobynHTV said...

Hmm, interesting - scanning for memtions about herself, no doubt. Humph.

I have to get on board with however you do your stats, though - that's some good info to be able to access!

Thanks, she does look pretty happy, doesn't she? No bon-bon (at the moment); I was bouncing her on my lap (thus the blur) while singing a song about how cute she is. She looooves that (big surprise).

RobynHTV said...

Hahahaha!!! Doesn't read your blog??? The nerve. Then I say underwear is fair game - along with whatever else you feel like writing! ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh so necessary and now I just hope you make him wear it! lol... I also hope that you really did make it for him and it's not just a picture of the Internet ;-)

RobynHTV said...

Oh yes, it exists in my zazzle shop - the trouble is he would WANT to wear it, which pretty much takes all the fun out of it as a punishment. :)

Paige Kellerman said...

Again, I love your baby. Secondly, "talk hole" is my new favorite word/phrase/insult that will be used liberally all weekend.

RobynHTV said...

The baby is cute, though I almost gave her to a roadside construction worker today when we were stuck in the car and she wouldn't stop crying about it. WHAT DO YOU WANT??? I DON'T CONTROL THE TRAFFIC!!! The trouble is that those rear-facing car seats are dangerous, because I can't see the cuteness of her face to offset the grating noise coming out of her cry hole.

P.S. You can tell there's a lot of "hole" referencing around here, which isn't as gross as it sounds.

Motherhood on the Rocks said...

lol! Men and their talk holes! This cracked me up!

Julia said...

I'm not sure my hubs reads my blog. But I ADORE that shirt. And I want to squeeze your cute baby.

RobynHTV said...

Tee hee! So glad you liked it! :)

RobynHTV said...

Not sure if he reads it? Blog something super personal about him - you'll find out REALLY quick! :)
Thanks - I think all bloggers need that shirt! If only I had unlimited funds... Maybe I should charge a fee to squeeze Maddie's cheeks! It'll be a charity - Squeezes for T-Shirts? Squish Babies For Bloggers? Hmm, the name needs work...

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

We are bloggers- saving the world one blog at a time!! The shirt- wicked cute!!

RobynHTV said...

Thanks ;) Bloggers unite!

Rachel said...

Umm, I totally need this. And you totally sold it with your husband's banter in the comment section.

(My husband used to hijack my comment section too... wah!)

Sooo... with the Memorial Day sale, the shirt is 20% off - BOOYAH!

RobynHTV said...

Hijack - HA - for real, that's exactly what it is! But I believe that's what they call art imitating life (if blog comments can be considered art, and I think we can agree that they are). And he was NOT joking about expecting one of those shirts, so I'll be taking advantage of that sale (awww yeah, discount)!

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