Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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My Man Turns 39 (plus 1)

Brought to you by the people who say, "See you next
year," to their coworkers at the end of the day on Dec. 31

Tomorrow is Gerry's birthday!  But it's not just any old boring birthday - it's the second 39th birthday, the 39-plus-1 birthday, or (for those of you who aren't very good at math) it's the big Four-O.  And since he wrote such a beautiful love letter to me for Valentines Day on his  blog (you can read it here if you haven't already, but bring tissues) I thought I'd return the favor by giving him a b-day shout-out right here at the Hollow Tree.  (Shut up, I am not  stealing his idea - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?)

So without further ado, here's The List...

10 Things I Love About Gerry
(subtitle: I was going to make it 40 Things but you don't want to sit there and read all of that, especially if it starts getting inappropriate, so instead it'll be 10 Things that I love about him, and to make it the equivalent of 40 Things I'll make sure each item on the list is something I love roughly four times more than I love kittens.  For those of you who aren't good at math, you can ask your neighbor at the next desk why that's the equivalent of 40.  For those of you wondering, Why kittens?  the answer is, Just to confuse youIs it working?)

1.  I can be myself around him, without ever holding anything back (and I can't overstate the fact that 100% of my nerdiness is a lot for one person to take).  But if I'm in the kitchen chopping vegetables (yes, we occasionally eat vegetables that didn't come in the form of a box of scalloped potatoes) and I break out into a song about bell peppers set to the tune of "Stayin' Alive," he'll not only accept it as normal, he'll sing backup for me.
Well you can tell by the awesome way I chop, I'm vegetarian, no time to talk.  Peppers red and peppers green, they are full of vitamin C.  Well now children, you're eating, all your food to avoid a beating...

2.  I love that he makes me laugh without even trying.  Not long ago he caught me giving Maddie several yogurt melts (product motto: Mmm, yogurty delicious crack for babies!).  At the time, the yogurt melts were reserved primarily as a treat from Gerry, because Maddie was already so fond of the food I'm "equipped" (ahem) to provide.  So when he saw the bag of yogurt melts in my hand, he understandably felt a little robbed of his opportunity to feed the baby, and put it in terms he knew I'd understand, namely, "No!  You took my boobs!"

3.  He does 99.99999% of the grocery shopping, and you probably remember that I hate grocery shopping more than I hate being stung in the eye by a herd of wasps, so you know how much that means to me.  He hates doing it, too, but he does it anyway so I can avoid being incarcerated for flipping out and shivving some little old lady who wouldn't keep her hands off the baby.  That's love.

4.  The man knows how to change a diaper, and he's not afraid to do it.  If you've ever had one of these "baby" thing-a-ma-jigs, you know as well as I do that he SHOULD be afraid sometimes, but if he is, it doesn't show.

5.  He's also not afraid to stick up for our family in a testosteroney way that I could never muster the guts for, like when Jake's tablet broke and Gerry sent an email to the company's customer service department.  It said (in part):
...My son was beside himself, assuming he had broken it. I didn't want to tell him that it's just that your product is a cheap piece of crap, so I told him I'd take care of it. Don't make me a liar.
6.  In the middle of the afternoon he'll send me random texts to brighten my day, like this:

7.  He has taught me many valuable lessons about relationships, not least of which is that the phrase, "Why don't you just go ahead and stop being a butt," can end most minor marital spats before they escalate into blood-vessel-popping screaming matches.  (Note to unmarried types: blood-vessel-popping screaming matches aren't actually as much fun as they sound.)

8.  He can make me feel better about things like going to Hell for snarking at the TV.  Which is a good thing, because I'm pretty sure we're going, and it's really going to ruin my good times if I have to feel bad about it while we're on our way there.

9.  Without Gerry in my life, I wouldn't have a reason to say things like, "Don't hit your wife with turkey" or, "Why are there dirty Q-tips in the kitchen sink."  Nor would I get to hear his random nuggets of wisdom, such as, "Olive Garden is the Red Lobster of Italian restaurants" (think about it - it's true).  And what fun would life be without that?

10.  Because at 40, he's wittier, sexier, smarter, snugglier, sexier, funnier, and sexier than he's ever been.  Also, sexier.  And I know that for a fact.  I knew him back when he was in his 30s.

Hey, would you mind please clicking below to vote for me?  What if I apologize for getting
"Stayin' Alive" stuck in your head?  Would that help?  No?  Is it because of the Rick Astley thing?
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


Abby said...

Happy Birthday to Mr. HTV! You are obviously a bright and intelligent soul, seeing as you selected Robin as your wife (or the other way around.) May you have nothing but health and happiness together in the years ahead!

RobynHTV said...

I'll pass along your well-wishes, Abby! And I think we both know who the brains of this operation is. (What does she mean by THAT?!?) :)

Stacey said...

WooHoo HBD to Mr HTV!

I love #5! The right balance of testosterony man is a good thing.

RobynHTV said...

I agree, TruckingT! Plus it balances out my estrogeniness - well, maybe "balances" is the wrong word, but at least our individual insanities are gender appropriate.

The Third Partier said...

i loved this column! i assume it's going to be a weekly feature?

thank you, my awesome wife. i love you, too. i'm thinking maybe i guest-blog on MY top-ten about you?

and thank you to the hb-wishers out there in robyn's blog-land!

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