Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Love is in the air (or is it?)

Several days ago, by way of confirmation, I lovingly asked my husband, "We're ignoring Valentine's Day this year, right?"  He agreed, which caused Zoe, who was hiding around the corner, to burst into tears.  She thought that meant she wouldn't get to celebrate it, either. 

No, we explained, that just means we aren't spending money on gifts or cards or any of that nonsense.  Never fear, we told her, you'll still have a school day filled with suckers and snack cakes and shoving little notes into mailboxes fashioned from wrapping-paper covered cereal boxes.  Perhaps there's a lesson in this about eavesdropping, my husband sweetly suggested.

So to prove that Valentine's Day is alive and well, the kids and I made valentines over the weekend for them to pass out in class.  In addition to being a nifty craft project, it was also an excellent opportunity to observe the differences between my two school-agers.

Zoe's cards were made by cutting out paper hearts, applying temporary sticker adhesive to the back, sticking them onto index cards, and coloring over the hearts.  When the sticker was removed, it left a negative-image white heart.  Then she used the colorful heart stickers to decorate the other side.

She enjoyed the process, but most of her attention was focused on writing the notes and deciding which cards would go to which friends, being careful to select the MOST GORGEOUS ONE for the boy she has a crush on, who naturally has to be the son of Ms. Perfect Posh Mom.  Hopefully Posh Mom and her boy aren't the types to turn up their noses at homemade valentines, or else my decision to forgo store-bought cards might have compromised my own daughter's (according to her) Only Chance At Future Happiness.  For now, however, she appears to be quite confident.

Jake, on the other hand, decided to draw cartoons on each of his cards.  He was in it mainly to amuse himself (obviously - look at his face), and randomly scrawled the names of his classmates on the backs without any regard whatsoever to which card went where.

Someone please tell me that someday my son will
allow me to take a picture without him making a goofy
face.  I haven't seen a photo of what he really
looks like since he was 6 years old.

After reviewing Jake's assortment of cards, I began to see a pattern.  It seems the stereotypical male attitude about Valentine's Day may begin earlier than I first thought.  The first ones were just silly - here's one of some hikers climbing a snowy Mount Heart.

This was followed by several varieties of heart-headed people.  I call this one "It's Valentine's Day?  Naw, Get Outta Here!"

Then he started on some kind of Valentine's Day/Halloween hybrid holiday theme.

Why is the green guy mocking the vampire guy?  As if he doesn't have enough problems fitting in?  I don't know, but clearly Jake wasn't really taking the spirit of Valentine's Day too seriously.

Then things started getting really  strange.  What's this next guy's issue?  Hazarding a guess regarding its underlying meaning, I call this one "Man Feels the Pressure of Selecting Last-Minute Valentine's Day Card At Walgreens."

(Yes, he's a vampire, too.)  You think that  shows early indications of the notion that men are anti-Valentine's Day?  Try this one on for size.

Hmm, tell me how you really  feel.  And finally, to remove any remaining doubt about his opinion on the subject:

Regardless of how you feel about Saint Valentine and his chocolate-based holiday, I hope you have a great day celebrating in the manner of your choosing.  And while we're on that topic:

A NOTE TO MY HUSBAND:  I am not kidding about ignoring Valentine's Day.  It's not one of those Female Tricks where I say I don't want a birthday gift but secretly I really do.  I mean it - I don't want anything.  And it's not like last year when we agreed to ignore Valentine's Day, and then I gave you a little dorky homemade mini-album that was really nothing more than a card, which I insisted was Nothing but you still insist was Something.

I am reiterating this because I saw you call a weepy, brokenhearted, Valentine's-loving Zoe over to you when she just couldn't believe we weren't celebrating A Special Day About Love.  I saw you whisper something in her ear that made her immediately perk up and look at me knowingly, grinning from ear to ear.  You knew I'd never ask her what you said, but if you told her you have some Secret Plan to celebrate Valentine's Day when I'm under the impression that we're ignoring it, so help me God you're going to be in so much trouble.

(But not really.)

Update: That insensitive lout had the nerve to give me a Nothing Something gift, despite my threats of bodily harm. He posted a love letter to me on his blog. What a jerk, right?
I sure do love that jerk.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


The Third Partier said...


Anonymous said...

Hmmm...that's odd. I don't recall seeing Jake at Walgreen's, but apparently he saw me.

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