Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Picture Perfect

Last week when one of my marvelous sisters-in-law asked for a recent photo of Maddie, I told her the best way to see eleventy thousand pictures of Mads is to check out the blog.  After all, I add a new post almost every day, and I'm always rambling about the kids, right?  The blog is chock full of pics of the kids (and rambling).  Busting at the seams!

Then I scrolled through my last several posts, and realized that was a barefaced lie.  What with the distractions of Major Award Nominees and near-death experiences and whatnot, I find I've really been shirking my duties insofar as plastering the innerwebs with photos of my kids goes.

So I feel I'd better remedy that situation in the only way a mother knows how - by going a tad overboard in the opposite direction over the course of the next few posts.

Maddie's Update
First off, about a week and a half ago I got all weepy and sentimental about Maddie entering the Unsweetened O-Shaped Cereal Phase.  At the end of the post I described Maddie's method of eating Cheerios and I mentioned the sour-puss face she makes when she finally actually manages to get one in her mouth, but I hadn't gotten a picture of it yet.  Well, if you know me, you know that I find it unacceptable to not  have a photo of something, so naturally I had to force-feed Maddie Cheerios with one hand, clutching the camera in the other, until I was able to capture The Face.

This is as close as I could get, but it's difficult to get the full effect in a still shot.  You should've seen it in action - it looked like she was eating a handful of Red Hots while trying to get a hair out of her mouth.   I'm glad I got it on film, though, since she already  doesn't make that face anymore (she's zipping through Phases like a greased bullet train); far from being unsure about them, now she's crazy for Cheerios and lights up at the sight of them the way Jake and Zoe light up when I announce we're having waffles for dinner.  Which reminds me of a letter I needed to write:
Dear General Mills,
My baby loves your Unsweetened O-Shaped Cereal.  So much, in fact, that it's pretty much all she'll eat.  So I'm going to need you to start fortifying it with absolutely every nutrient she could possibly need, so that I can quit stressing out about not being able to get her to eat vegetables.  Within the next few weeks I will be looking in the cereal aisle for your soon-to-be-released Broccoli-Os, Chicken-Os, and (for us busy moms on the go) Multi-Vitamin-Whole-Grain-Iron-Fortified-Entire-Nutritious-Meal-Os.  Thank you.
I don't mean to imply she doesn't enjoy mealtime, because she certainly does.  She just rarely uses mealtime for eating much of anything.

Of course this leads directly to bath time, which unfortunately Maddie mistakes for Splash Water On My Own Face and Lick It Off Time.  Getting clean, if it happens at all, is at best secondary to her quest to drink all the bath water.

"This baby broth you're stewing up
is absolutely delicious."

Next I'll share the pics from our trip to the playground a few weeks ago, when we were still taking advantage of the Warm Snap, which came just prior to our current Oh Yeah I Remember Now Why I Hate Winter stage.  Maddie got to use the baby swings for the first time, which she really seemed to enjoy even though I had her packed into so many layers she could barely move her limbs.

"Has anyone seen my hands anywhere?
I know I had them earlier..."

Don't ask me why I felt it was cold enough that her hands should be tucked under fifteen feet of stuffing, yet I didn't feel a hat was necessary.  Anyway, around that time Jake and Zoe wanted to get off their own swings and push Maddie, which was sweet...

"I can't quite shake this weird feeling
that there's someone behind me."

...but very nearly started an No-It's-My-Turn-To-Push-Because-I-Love-the-Baby-More Riot, so I had to nip it in the bud before the rest of my hair turned grey and I had to get all Crazy Mommy right there in public (which I try to avoid).

Wow, believe it or not, Mads is already starting to get really bored with my blogging today

"What else is new?"

but please stay tuned this week as I continue with my Kiddo Updates.  Coming soon: odd things the kids make out of Lego, phony-bologna crocodile tears, a 7-year-old's perspective on life, what's wrong with the interweb, why I should stop wasting my money on toys and just let the baby play with garbage, and maybe even some other stuff!  Try to contain your excitement.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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