Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Mousen Dew

I'm sure you've all heard about this one, but I'm still reeling from disgust so I'm going to blog about it, even if it is old news.  It started when a guy decided to sue PepsiCo over a claim that he found a dead mouse in his Mountain Dew (though the article says he found it in there three years ago - I'm not sure what took him so long to decide he was offended, but I'm thinking the statue of limitations on Negligent Repulsiveness is behind us.  OH NO WAIT, he did  complain three years ago, but NOW he claims that they tampered with the mousey evidence he'd sent to them - in good faith - to investigate).  Riiiight.  PepsiCo probably dressed the mouse up in little Bermuda shorts and sunglasses, gave him a surf board and claimed the mouse was fine, he was just Doin' The Dew while enjoying his hobby of X-treme Surfing.  It's all part of an active, healthy lifestyle.

So Marma called me up to let me know when she heard about it, because I live under a rock rarely pay any attention to the news, and it's her Sworn Duty as my mom to inform me any time there's a mountain lion sighting in my general vicinity, the weather is about to turn bad, or any product that we use in our house has been Publicly Deemed Disgusting.  As she pointed out, ordinarily such a claim would be viewed in the Court of Public Opinion as a ridiculous attempt to get some settlement money, and immediately lumped in with similarly ignored claims of fingers found in cans of soup and waste products lurking in taco meat.  I don't think anyone would have batted an eyelash if all we ever heard from PepsiCo was a short press release along the lines of, "Shut up and buzz off."  By the way, if you've ever wanted to get into Corporate Law, it's easy - all you really have to do is memorize this chart.

Instead, PepsiCo managed to make it far worse, simply by defending themselves.  Apparently, PepsiCo asserts, there couldn't have been a mouse in his can because THE MOUNTAIN DEW WOULD HAVE DISSOLVED IT.  Or, more accurately, the rodent would have been "transformed into a 'jelly-like' substance."  Even better.  That's so comforting.  That fizzy whooshing sound you heard a few days ago was everyone on the face of the planet simultaneously spitting out whatever Pepsi product they happened to be consuming when they initially read that story.

Now that they've released that little tidbit of info, you may be wondering which way the Tide of Community Reaction is washing in relation to PepsiCo, their products, this guy's claim, and vermin infestations in general.  Here are some of the online comments I've found regarding the story, just to give you an idea of how the Pendulum of Public Opinion is swinging - overall I'd say they're taking this very seriously.

Readers of The Smoking Gun have said the following:
So much for my baby raccoon in a 2 liter bottle scam idea.
Rats! Foiled again...
Poor mouse.
     (to which someone else replied)  don't you mean "pour mouse?"
Weapons of Mouse Destruction?
While a great many commenters indicate a general Grossed-outedness with the whole concept and have taken a Solemn Vow of Permanent Beverage Rejection, there are other folks who agree with the latter gentleman that Mountain Dew isn't so bad.  One guy even wrote a whole article called So What If Mountain Dew Can Melt Mice, in which he states
As someone who’s consumed 16 to 32 ounces of Mountain Dew almost every single day for the past 21 years, I found this news unnecessarily salacious. Honestly, I’ve experienced no ill effects from my over-the-top Mountain Dew consumption, except that I’m kind of fat and pretty crazy and I can never sleep (even though I’m always tired). I’m sipping one right now, and it’s making me temporarily invincible.
This used to be their slogan.  I can't imagine why they changed it.  Maybe they could run a Throwback Ad Campaign - a hillbilly who likes to go snowboarding.  TO THE EXTREEEEEEME!

You won't be surprised to hear that there are plenty of people who love The Dew so much that they don't believe it would really dissolve a mouse, and for some reason think it makes more sense that the Special Committee on Damage Control at PepsiCo decided the old "jellied rat defense" was the best they could do for their image.  So unfortunately, this story has caused a revolting trend of Inquiring Minds who are TESTING THIS AT HOME, complete with videos that I had to frantically click Stop on before I accidentally saw someone's Makeshift Mad Scientist Laboratory, wherein they'd filled hastily rinsed Ragu jars with various liquids and critters and lined them up for display on their dining room windowsills.  This whole story just goes to show that, no matter how nauseating something is, you can always count on the fact that somewhere out there in Society is a group of people that can make it even more repulsive.

I, for one, have serious doubts that the recent publicity will have any negative effect whatsoever on PepsiCo sales.  The people who swear off of it probably never really liked it anyway, and everyone else will completely forget about the whole thing in a week.  As for us, I'm sure we'll still keep some in the house - after all, it is a staple of Maddie's diet.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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