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Tragically Un-hip - Part 2

Even though I feel I've been humble about it to a fault, for some reason Karma has chosen to point out my advancing age and lack of coolness and rub it in my face  with the recent induction of Guns N' Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the Beastie Boys to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  The next time I hear "Welcome to the Jungle" it will probably be the instrumental version as performed by the Boston Pops, on an elevator at the Ramada Inn or piped over the speakers at the mall.  Sigh.

However, I can think of no better reason than that to continue what was started with Tragically Un-Hip Part 1 and discuss another installment of trends I can't keep up with and fads that I just can't seem to grasp.

1. Snapbacks

I guess snapbacks, those oh-so-comfy baseball caps with the high, flat front and cheap-o plastic sizer in the back, are making a comeback, and they're not just for truckers anymore.  Now they're also for people who enjoy head sweat and oddly shaped sunburns.

P.S. My heartfelt apologies go out to Zoomba Zumba; as an incredibly appropriate illustration of how uncool I am, in my last Tragically Un-hip post I misspelled the name of their very popular exercise craze.  I'm sure that all of you Dear Readers were anxious to start "partying yourselves into shape" after that post, but were sent on a multi-hour Googling wild goose chase thanks to my blunder, so my apologies to you as well.

2. Justin Bieber
Okay, I guess I can't claim not to see the similarities between JB fanaticism and the popularity of the Boy Bands of my youth.

But despite the fact that every woman my age has a favorite New Kid On the Block, I choose to label Justin Bieber as a fad I can't support due to the fact that my seven-year-old daughter thinks she has a crush on him, which automatically launches him face-first into the category of People I Am Morally Obligated to Roundhouse Kick In the Head On Sight.

3. Nintendo DSi XL
This otherwise delightful (I'm sure) electronic gaming device is on this list because of the "XL" in the name.  I don't understand why, after all the efforts made by computer scientists and NASA and radioactive clouds to make all our geeky, techy stuff tiny, now they're trying to convince us we want it to be bigger again.  They're doing the same thing with smartphones, which got so big that we couldn't hold them in one hand anymore, so they started calling them tablets; next we'll graduate to remote keyboards so we can play Angry Birds on old drive-in movie screens.

Don't get me wrong, I was starting to wonder how much smaller our phones could get before they'd just fall into our ears and be lost forever the first time we tried to answer a call.  But I'm concerned that this trend will lead to too much Rebigification (©), which, if allowed to continue, could result in a return to cell phones that have to be carried in suitcases, or lead to kids lugging around full-sized coin-operated arcade games, or worse.

4. Bangs
I'm seeing more and more of you ladies out there adding bangs to your hairstyles, and I know that no matter how cool it becomes, I can't join you.  Nothing (short of wearing a denim jumper and plastic barrettes) makes me look 12 years old faster than bangs.  Just be careful, those of you who can pull it off - they can take an ugly turn before you know it.

I'm just saying, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw some tall bangs in the next few years, and don't say I didn't warn you.  Look at The Bump, it's an old hairstyle that made a comeback - but even worse, it suspiciously regained attention at the same time that the heretofore unexplained popularity of Jersey Shore blossomed - and if any of you out there are sporting The Bump in an attempt to emulate Snooki, all I can do is shake my head sadly in your direction.

5. QR codes
I first saw one of these on Kennedy's shirt and had NO idea what it was.  Now I see them everyplace, wanting me to scan them with my phone to link to a website, see a commercial, instantly get a business' contact info, or some other useless garbage that I don't want, don't need, and will probably just end up downloading a virus that'll hack into all my valuable expedia.com and abandoned MySpace page passwords.  I think it's safe to say that it isn't necessary to print a QR code on the front of the newspaper that links to the daily news - I'M ALREADY HOLDING THE NEWSPAPER!!!!  I'm sure plenty of people out there find them wildly useful, but I just don't get it.  Is any  place safe from being QR'ed?

There you have it, more proof that I'm out of touch and out of date.  That's just fine by me, though; instead of going to a Justin Bieber concert, I'd much rather bust out my old tape deck and jam to "Sabotage" at top volume - after all, you don't see Justin Bieber getting into the Hall of Fame, now do you?

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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