Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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In the Spiral

That's right, no time to talk, I've been sucked into the Holiday Death Spiral.  You may have heard of this phenomenon, which starts annually a week before Halloween (at the moment when you realize you haven't gotten costumes for the kids yet), and gains momentum right up until January 2nd, when adults everywhere collapse into worthless, exhausted, stressed-out heaps.

We're past the Halloween and Thanksgiving markers on The Spiral, which lands me right in the middle of a frenzied "What Do You Mean Zoe's Birthday Is In a Week???" panic.  This portion of the Death Spiral entails frantic gift shopping (in addition to the regular Christmas shopping, which of course hasn't even been started yet because so far this season I've been too busy fending off panic attacks induced by prior stages of The Spiral).  Birthday shopping for Zoe isn't as easy as it should be for a little Girly Girl because she either A) circles everything in the toy catalog and claims to want it all with equal intensity, from the Barbie Dream House to a miscellaneous tub of black Play Doh, or B) names a few extremely specific things, all of which might be completely made up.  This year she opted for both approaches, using up all the ink in seven pens circling every item in Gran's toy catalog, but then naming three carefully chosen toys for me, at least two of which I was absolutely certain she was inventing while she was in the process of describing them to me.  But then I saw one of them at Walmart, which calls into question my judgement about the reality of the other things on her list.  So what I'm saying is, I don't even have the faintest idea what I'm looking for, gift-wise.

While freaking out about the gifts, I'm also trying to plan a party that will magically be easy, have all the girls from her class in attendance without me actually having to invite them or have them in my home, come together in a matter of days when other mothers seem to spend upwards of six months planning their kids' parties, and be awesome enough to distract her from the fact that we aren't at Chuck-E-Cheese, which is the germ-hole where she really wants to have her party.  Also, let's not forget assembling the gift bags to take to school, which seems like it should be cheap and easy but in fact takes elevendy hundred hours and costs more than the national debt of Greece.

My greatest hope is to get all of this done, preferably without clubbing someone over the head who's out at the stores despite the fact that it's Cyber Monday and they have no excuse not to be glued to their computer screen instead, and pull this birthday garbage together in time to properly start stressing out about Kennedy's birthday and putting up the Christmas decorations.  By the time I get that done, I should have just missed the deadline for shipping out-of-town gifts in time to get them to their destinations by the 25th.  That is, if I manage to get my shopping done and even have anything to mail.  Fa la la la la.... (breathe...)

But it's worth it - let's face it, kids are pretty cute, especially on their birthdays, even if they go on some kind of Sugary Cake Bender and bounce gleefully off the walls for several hours.  It's ridiculous, the things you'll do because it makes your kids all giddy, even if it's only for five minutes.  And who knows what kids will remember later - I fondly recall a big pink hat I used to have in my dress-up box when I was little (which I tastefully paired with a rockin' pair of roller skates and a purple ruffly skirt - perhaps the precursor to Zoe's Punky Brewster fashion sense), but I don't remember our trip to Disney World at all.  My kids are already surprising me with the things they remember, stuff I would have considered insignificant, and (as was apparently the case with me) it's not necessarily the stuff I intended for them to retain.  As a parent I can only hope that maybe someday when they're older they'll reminisce about some part their childhood that I actually meant to be memorable, like taking special gift bags to school for their classmates on their birthdays, instead of them brooding about something else I've probably said or done that they'll otherwise have to spend hours describing to their therapists.  No pressure.  For me, it's just all part of the Holiday Death Spiral.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


The Third Partier said...

i must've missed the part where you mentioned all the girls in zoe's class coming over. did you say that part real fast and quiet-like? i'd just ask, but you're sleepified right now. :P

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