Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Entertainment for the Grammar Snob

Those of you who know me, or who have checked out my pet peeves or the About Me page, or are familiar with this blog in general, or who read the rest of this sentence, probably know that I'm a big grammar snob.  Not that I'd hold obvious abuse of the English language against anyone, or claim in any way to be better than someone else, as I'm the first to admit that I make dumb mistakes all the time.  All the time.  ALL THE TIME.  But that doesn't prevent me from getting a good chuckle out of other people's mistakes when I see them.

A few days ago, Gerry brought in the mail and we were treated to a certain thick advertising booklet that comes out monthly (I won't mention the name of it, partly because you've probably never heard of it, and partly because I'm not in the mood to get sued).  Ordinary people would declare this to be junk mail and throw it directly in the recycling bin, but Gerry and I pounced on it like starving sharks on chum because we share the Grammar Snob Gene, and this particular mailer is notorious for its grammatical and spelling errors.  Sometimes it's not even the errors, but the sheer ridiculousness of the ad that gets us going (like the nudist retreat that advertised with photos of its - thankfully empty - tennis courts and its non-empty swimming pool which - again, thankfully - according to my mom looked like it had been photographed from outer space).  This is high merriment around our house.  Sometimes it surprises me that we still pay for cable, when perfectly good entertainment like this comes to our door for the bargain-basement price of free.  Let me share with you some of the gems we found without even looking too hard.

Here's some advice: don't smoke your product before placing your ad, if smoking it causes you to completely lose your ability to spell.  I know there are many of you out there who are disappointed that I blurred out the address of the meeting, but I have to wonder how many police officers would be there waiting when you showed up to get your "marijuanna endoresment."

One of my favorite offenses - the misuse of quotation marks.  Well, either that or "Bob" really is an alias, in which case I guess this would be absolutely correct.  Maybe "Bob" is in the witness protection program but just can't let go of his love for charred pork - who am I to say?  I'm just grateful that the quotes aren't around "Roasted Pigs," which spares me the headache of trying to figure out what he actually  roasts.  Plus, to completely eliminate any question we might have on that front, "Bob" has provided a graphic in his ad which gives us a much-needed visual of the pig being skewered from mouth to (ahem) the other end over an open fire.  Deeeeee-licious!

Sometimes a space in the middle of a word makes all the difference.  If this ad is right, I don't see how they're going to make any money giving away free pickup trucks; I don't know much about car crushing, but it seems like that business model is terribly flawed.

Energy drink?  Health juice?  Uh-huh.  You're not fooling me.  I know a bottle of wine when I see it.  I would  appreciate a free sample, though.  No?  Fine, I'll pop open a bottle of my own "health juice," as it's now known at my house, and peruse the classifieds.

Wait, what's that number again?  A thousandy-thousand?

For my special occasions?  Don't ask me, it's your  ad.

Yes, my basement windows DOES leak!  They done been doing that all the time, they sure does.

You'll repair it for less than it costs me to throw it away?  Somehow I doubt that.

I have to believe they left off the word "No" at the beginning of this ad.

And then there's this one.  It's not so much the wording they used, but the picture they chose.  I mean, you can use any picture you want, right?  It shouldn't be that hard to find one that makes sense.  So here's an ad for a bail bondsman, urging you to contact him as soon as you've been arrested.

The first thing I'd like to point out is that the offender (nice jean jacket, by the way) isn't handcuffed, so I'm not sure why he has his arms around that pole.  He looks like he's trying to take a picture of the arresting officer's shoes for some reason, and is completely unaware he's about to get slugged in the face.  Or maybe he does suspect he's going to get knocked in the teeth with the cop's Maglite, and that's why he's hiding awkwardly behind the pole.  Meanwhile, they're both oblivious to the fact that the other officer is off by the cruiser, discreetly picking his nose.  Or maybe he's supposed to be hiding his eyes, and Jean Jacket is just terrible at playing Hide and Seek.  Anyway, if they like photos that raise questions, next time maybe they could use this one:

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


Sperry said...

BIG fan of funny mistakes/weird ads! Your commentary makes them even funnier, I laughed so hard it shook the laptop which made reading harder. Good stuff.

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