Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Elevendy is one of my favorite non-numbers; in the Urban Dictionary it's described as "a number that is greater than, less than, and equal to zero."  Basically, it's a nonsense number.  Likewise with forty-eleven, which, when counting (for those of you keeping track), comes well before elevendy-hundred.  Non-numbers are very useful to those of us who:

A) enjoy exaggeration to the point that it has nearly become an artistic form of self-expression.
The storm raged, and as I fled to the safety of my car, I was pelted with elevendy-hundred hailstones.
2) need a nice-ish but effective way to threaten our children when they misbehave in public, without too much fear of someone calling Child Protective Services.
 If you don't cut it out I'm sending you to your room for elevendy years!
III) can't remember any details about anything, and as a result like to speak in vagueries*.
I believe upwards of forty-eleven British troops fought at the Battle of Hastings.
*P.S. I would like to lodge a complaint with The Dictionary for claiming "vaguery" (as in "a phrase that is vague") is not a word, while including the word "unvagueness," as if anyone has ever  used that in a sentence.  I call shenanigans.
I bring this all up, of course, because today is 11/11/11, and probably the end of the world if you ask a lot of superstitious conspiracy theorists.  Apparently, exactly 100 years ago on November 11, 1911, there was a nasty weather system called The Great Blue Norther which caused the temps in the central US to drop as much as 67 degrees in a matter of hours, accompanied by tornadoes, dust storms, and blizzards.  So, with a century of inflation, not to mention global warming and El Nino, one can only imagine what the skies have in store for us today.

But assuming the Earth isn't frozen solid and/or consumed by a ball of fire today, you might have some spare time to contemplate some undeniable oddities about these numbers.

My father-in-law, who is a veteran AND whose birthday is today (double whammy - Happy Veterans/birthday day!) sent out an email that says if you take the last two digits of the year you were born plus the age you'll be on your birthday in 2011, everyone will end up with 111!  That's so strange that I'm assuming it must be true, although I got exhausted from attempting to add two double-digit numbers without a calculator on limited sleep, so I don't know for sure.  But if you like math, you can fact-check another elevendy equation, which is that 111111 x 111111 = 12345654321.  And 11 divided by 11 divided by 11 is 0.0909090909.  Whoa.  It's starting to get a little Twilight Zone-y in here.

Some people see it as a day of great fortune, or at least as a wedding date that even the most reluctant groom can't claim to have forgotten, as Vegas has more than tripled its already ridiculous volume of marriage license applications.  Don't fret, though - if you head out there and find all the wedding chapels are booked, in a classic example of Vegas gaudiness one hotel is hosting a mass reception, where ordained ministers will wander around the party making sure people have the opportunity to get hitched, in many cases against their will.  Ah, the enchanting memories of their blessed wedding day these couples will share - lovingly guzzling tequila shots at the bar for three hours, waiting for their turn to get married alongside elevendy-hundred other couples.  Heart-warming.  If they make it to their one-year anniversary, they can renew their vows at the most romantic place on Earth, Hugh's Playboy Mansion and Wedding Emporium!

No matter how you view 11/11/11 - an ominous warning of Armageddon, a sign of certain luck and good fortune, or a rare singularity on the calendar with no particular meaning whatsoever - it IS Veterans Day, so please take time to support our troops and thank those who have served in the traditional fashion - by buying a new flat screen TV at the Veterans Day sale of your choice.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


Anonymous said...

wharpsHey! Veteran's day can be exhausting (not to mention fattening). Last night I enjoyed my free V's day bloomin onion at Outback,
today I got my free V's day carwash at Mike's, and then ate my free V's day lunch at Applebee's. Monday I'm dining at Golden Corral (you guessed it...free). All this gratitude is exhausting my supply of TUMS.
Already looking forward to 12-12-12 or twelvity-twelve-twelvity....whichever

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