Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Friday's Follies

Just for fun, here's a list of random stuff that made me laugh this week.
  • Zoe, who you might remember has a knack for using almost  the right word for what she means, learned a magic trick wherein she loops a piece of yarn around your wrist and... voila  (or as she says, "Abra cadaver!"), the yarn seems to go through your hand.  She had assured me prior to doing the trick that it wouldn't hurt, and afterwards I confirmed that I hadn't felt a thing.  "Yeah, see," she said, rubbing her fingers along the veins on the back of my wrist, "Your vines aren't even cut."
  • I learned that sperm banks are not accepting donations from red-headed men due to a lack of demand, which seems unfair but, if you ask me, is a humorous new kind of discrimination nevertheless. 
  • This news development made Gerry and me decide to pretend (just between ourselves, of course) that we're terribly prejudiced against redheads, or "gingers" (cutest insulting slur ever).  This cracks us up on a daily basis (I know, this is why we had to marry each other - too moronic for anyone else).  For example, upon finding the bottle of ginger I bought for a new recipe, Gerry waved it in my face and said menacingly, "I can't believe you've allowed this into our home!"
  • This also got my mom and me talking about sperm donation, which she likened to a woman offering to go to a clinic and donate her sweat, as if it were going to contribute to the betterment of society somehow.  This comment made me laugh so hard I almost tipped the stroller over.
  • Maddie was sitting on my lap and her pacifier kept falling out of her hand.  Each time I would say, "Uh-oh" in typical Up-Beat High-Pitched Mommy Voice, and reach down to get it.  About the 500th time she did it I didn't retrieve it right away, and I looked down to see her watching me expectantly.  So I gave it back and kept watching her, and wouldn't you know it, she deliberately held her arm out and dropped the pacifier on the floor.
  • While Googling to find a picture to put in this blog, I found this:

I don't have anything to say about it, really.  I think it speaks for itself.
  • Jake and I were joking about trying to enjoy something by yourself when someone else keeps interrupting you, and (pretending to talk to the intruder) he said, "Look man, why don't you get out of my moment?"  This led to a series of, "Aww, look at that sweet kitten...  Hey, get outta my moment!  Oooh, what a beautiful waterfall...  Hey, get outta my moment!  Hmm, what a nice, quiet field...," which was making him giggle more and more.  Finally he said, "Awww look, it's Armageddon...  Wait, Mom, what's Armageddon?"
  • The kids and I were doing some Mad Libs today - in case you don't know, these are partially written stories that prompt you for different words to fill in the missing parts, and since you don't know what the story's about when you're throwing words out there, hilarity usually ensues when you read the finished page.  Here's the idea:

Well, at least that's how they usually look when kids do them.  Anyway, although Zoe initially insisted that I do the writing, she wouldn't actually let me touch the book until it was time to read the whole story, so I got to see how she wrote things.  Some of my favorite lines:

- No tooteg [tooting] in the hallways.
- Make sure to put your M.D. [McDonalds] key in a stenckee [stinky] place!
- No skateboarding in the courtyards or Zoey's room.  (I have no idea why she started spelling her name with a 'y.')
- Chewing ibol's [eyeballs] on school grounds is not permitted.

I also loved Jake's, which included the line, "Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent Moms!"  I couldn't agree more.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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