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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Peeve-O-Rama

As I've mentioned, I have a rich and varied list of pet peeves with which I am afflicted. Some really get under my skin, while others just elicit a roll of the eyes. Some have nagged at me most of my life, while others may only irritate me for one day. In any case, what follows is a list of pet peeves of mine, added as they randomly occur to me. I'll try to limit myself to no more than one addition per day, lest I crash the entire internet with my ranting. Perhaps you'll agree with one or two, and maybe you'll think I'm an over-sensitive kook who needs to relax her standards. Feel free to comment, or add peeves of your own!

Click here to see a list of all the posts I've published to this blog that have to do with pet peeves; what can I say, sometimes I need to do more venting about a peeve than will comfortably fit on this page!

Literally

I just want to issue a reminder to everyone out there that the word "literally" means actually, without exaggeration.  In real life.  With complete accuracy.  You can't tell me you were so embarrassed that you "literally died," unless you're giving me this info from beyond the grave.  Something upsetting can't be "literally tearing you apart," unless the thing that's upsetting you is a wild Bengal tiger in your living room.  There's even a delightful blog dedicated to compiling examples of this word's misuse.  My favorite entry: Bill Clinton criticized Obama, which "literally shocked his audience."  Put down the cattle prod, Bill.

This Peeve Brought to You By...

Here's one I think we can all agree on.  I am absolutely sick to death of everything being sponsored; you can't watch four seconds of a football game without something being "brought to you by" someone else.  Here's a typical excerpt from the commentary during a game:
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Frito Lay Taco Chip Bowl.  Frito Lay - now with more zesty salsa flavor!  We hope you enjoyed the Radio Shack Halftime Report, but now it's time to rejoin the action here at Exxon Mobil Stadium.  Exxon Mobil - now bringing you 35% fewer ecological disasters!  It looks like the Toyota Texas Tomcats are on the 20 yard line, their first trip to the red zone so far in this game...  this evening's red zone is brought to us by J.P. Morgan Chase.  J.P. Morgan Chase, keeping you in the red for over 200 years!  Aerial coverage for tonight's game is provided by the Weight Watchers Blimp. 
I'm just saying, it gets old.  Unless, of course, someone wants to sponsor my blog and make me filthy rich, in which case I think sponsorship is awesome.

Zip It

Many thanks to Marma (that's my mom) for reminding me of one that I'd nearly forgotten about, due to the fact that I hate going in public and therefore rarely purchase anything I can't order online.  So this one is:  I can't stand it when I've gone out to a store, agonized over my purchases until I know I have just enough time left in the Countdown To Baby Screaming hourglass to get through the line and out to the car without causing a scene, and...

You're going to say, "And someone in front of you writes a check," and you're right, except I didn't think of it until just now.  Look, I get embarrassed when I can't scrape together $1.27 in cash to cover my chewing gum purchases, but I'll still pay for it with my debit card before I'd write a check.  I'm not even sure I remember how to write out a check to a store, but it wouldn't matter, because since I became an adult my wallet has become so crammed with expired credit cards, membership cards to clubs I don't remember joining, business cards from people I don't remember meeting, and used-up gift cards that the only way I could get my photo ID out would be to butter it up with Crisco and pry it out with a crow bar.  And nobody wants to wait in line behind me while I do that.

What I was going to say was the clerk, after ringing up my purchases, demands to know my zip code.  Why?  Is the price different for someone who lives one zip code over?  If I accidentally overpay, are you going to drive all over my zip code area, looking for me so you can return my change?  I doubt it, but I give it to them anyway, which is what annoys me most of all.  Gerry keeps encouraging me to tell them to buzz off, but in the end I'm just too much of a goody-two-shoes to refuse.  Sigh.

"Really?"

The misuse and overuse of quotation marks irks me.  For example, in a recent promo flier for a local fair, residents were urged to participate thusly:
3:30 p.m. Apple Pie "Eating" Contest
Wouldn't that imply they're only figuratively eating the pies?  If you're not literally eating pies, I'd like to know what you ARE doing with them before I sign up.  The only thing more worrisome than the questionable "eating" of pies is that it appears to follow a lip sync contest.  Are we still doing those?


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


29 comments:

  1. I can "understand" your "peevishness" with "misplaced" or "overused" quotation "marks." How do you feel about air quotes?

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  2. I am personally a fan of "air quotes", especially when I am on the "phone" - it really helps in getting my "point" across.

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  3. I hear you on the zip codes! Annoying as hell. If you feel you must give them something - there's always 90210! :)

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  4. Ugh, I too feel ya with the zip codes. A long time ago, way back in the 1990's when I was working as a cashier who had to ask that dreaded question, some guy actually answered 90210, I laughed and laughed at his ridiculous joke - only to find that he was sooo not joking. Oops...

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  5. I read your peeve regarding use of the word "literally" couple of weeks ago, and I LITERALLY cannot stop thinking/using that word now!!!

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  6. The zip code thing especially annoys me when they try to spin it as a security verification for my credit/debit card. They act like I wouldn't remember which zip code I was in when I stole the card! It's not like a potential thief couldn't go online and find out the zip code the card holder lives in in like 10 seconds. All anyone has to these days is look for the location on people's latest facebook post. That got a little more ranty than I was going for. Sorry about that.

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  7. Please, never apologize for a rant here - this is a Safe Place for rants. Yes, everything's "for your security" these days, like when the liquor store bouncers in the college town where I used to live would quiz us on random facts taken from our ID - as if I'd make a fake ID and not pay any attention to what birthdate was printed on it. Okay, maybe that isn't exactly the same thing, but it still irritated me.

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  8. My peeve is people who insist on telling me to "enjoy them while they are young" and "This time is so precious, and it goes by so quickly". UGH. My children (2 and 4) are mutant spider monkeys. Cute as Hell, ridiculously smart, but nye on impossible to control in any civilized setting. Frankly, I am delighted that one of them made it through the Thermonuclear Threes. I only wish the other one would have given me a breather before he lit into the Traumatic Twos (I think there might have been a week, but I was still reeling from 3 YO drama and missed it). I can't wait for Kindergarten to start. I love my boys, but I will like them a whole lot more when they are a stitch older and every single day isn't more evidence that I should be committed to a mental hospital.

    BTW, the zip code thing is for marketing. They just want to know what area people are from so they know who their target audience is for advertising.

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    1. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you NEVER see anyone under the age of 147 telling you to enjoy your children while they're young. These people are clearly senile, and either never had children or have forgotten the part where children tie the cat to the ceiling fan and set the curtains on fire while smashing all your lipstick into the carpet and peeing into electrical outlets. I LOVE your description of the Traumatic Twos and the Thermonuclear Threes - spot on!

      P.S. I figured there was a logical reason for the zip code thing, but I hate them anyway, because I'm under no obligation to be logical. ;)

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    2. Oh, I could TOTALLY accept old folks saying things like that...no, it's the CONTEMPORARIES that say it and PISS. ME. OFF!!! LOL, though I have to say, one of the best comments I ever got when I was out and about with my rabid spider monkeys and this delightful old lady was kind of snickering to herself in a knowing way then looked me dead in the eye and said, "Be brave, Momma...be brave". Oh, she just about KILLED me! I will love her for ever and ever and ever, because she spoke the TRUTH!

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    3. Yeah, I always wanna hug people like that - I hope I remember how it feels and remember to speak the truth when I'm an old granny. :)

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    4. old granny type here... thanks for the tips... I like "Be brave" .... I chose not to have kids, and admire those poor insane people who do have them....Someone has to do it!

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    5. So true, Ellen - I'm ALWAYS up for words of encouragement (or warning) from "old granny types" :D

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  9. I can "literally" agree with your pet peeves! My most recent pet peeve? Baby socks that say "I love naps." We all know babies don't love naps, their mama's love the naps. The socks are just false advertising, a mean-spirited taunt to sleep-deprived parents. (http://www.stealingfaith.com/2012/07/11/socks-that-bully/)

    Another pet peeve? When people add a "t" to "across" and make the word "acrost." This is not a word!

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    1. Those are two really good ones (and I liked your post)! You're right, I'd take a pair of those socks in size 8.5 and rock 'em 24/7! :)

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  10. OMG, I, too, am so totally annoyed by unnecessary quotation marks. I mean, I could "literally" feel my irritation grow with each of the above "posts" whenever they used the "quotation" marks. And how about extra, "unnecessary" apostrophe's????? I. Hate. That. Not every word ending in "S" requires an apostrophe. Dumbasses.

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    1. I can "literally" tell that you and I are going to be good friend's. :)

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  11. You know what I love? When people pronounce Washington as WARshington. WTH? Where did the R come from? They can spell it correctly but not say it? That makes me "literally" want to kill people...

    Love your blog btw! Thank you for being so freaking funny!

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    1. That's a really good one! We have some people around these parts who "warsh" their clothes and hunt crawdads in the "crick." Noooooooo!

      Thank YOU for leaving such a sweet comment! I accept compliments of all shapes and sizes, but that's one of the biggest ones (and therefore my favoritest). :D

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  12. I "literally" don't mind literally, my pet peeve is AMAZING!! Amazing used to be something huge, like rescuing Timmy from that well. Now everything today is amazing from a song on the radio to a piece of cake (okay some desserts are). I would die happy to never hear it again.

    And air quotes make me laugh since my 4 & 8 year olds are trying to figure out when they are used. They tend to just use them whenever they feel like it now, "Do" I have soccer practice today? I also wonder what an apple pie "eating" contest is?

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    1. "Amazing" is such a guilty pleasure for me (like "awesome") - I use them all the time, but I absolutely hate myself for it every time. ;)

      I wish I could go back in time and teach my kids the wrong use of air quotes, just formy own amusement - that sounds hilarious! Wait, I guess it's not too late for me to do that with the baby! If she weren't already smarter than me...

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  13. I have to throw mine in. I am a school bus driver and sometimes we have to call on the radio to have the dispatcher call the school and save a few breakfasts if we are running late. I can not stand these adult bus drivers who insist on asking the dispatcher to hold X amount of breakfast-es. Breakfast-es is so NOT A WORD!!! The plural of breakfast is BREAKFASTS!!!

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    1. Ahhhhhhh, I love this so much! I mean, I * hate* it, but I love you for saying it. It reminds me of a contractor we knew who always referred to overhead beams as "joist-es-es." Um, I'm not a professional, but I think it's just "joists."

      Pluralses are hard.

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  14. I love reading other mom's blogs since my own creativity cannot go beyond the voices in my head! XD I cannot stand the "Cherish the time now" crap. How can I cherish a 3 year old screaming about ANOTHER snack and a 6 year old complaining about her shoes not being tied correctly? I adore them but sometimes... I am also a victim of the "awesome" and "amazing" virus. Use 'em all the time for not so awesome and amazing things. Thanks Robyn. You have brought a smile upon my overtired face.

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    1. I'm so glad to hear it, Carrie! I'm with you - I'm grateful for my children, but that doesn't mean I have to love cleaning their pee off the toilet seat. Most decidedly NOT awesome. ;)

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  15. A big pet peeve of mine is people who spell definitely, definetaly. It "literally" drives me up a wall.

    To add to your sponsor pet peeve, I cannot stand when a company states they are the official company of a team. I am from Boston and I think every store and company believes they are the official company of the Red Sox. Says who!?

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  16. I have loads of pet peeves, but hearing people pronounce specific as pacific or ask as arks is the verbal equivalent of fingers on a blackboard!

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  17. Ah, reading these reminded me of some of my own! People who write "loose" when they mean "lose" (literally) drives me up the wall. Hearing "Let me axe a question" makes me wince. And having some perfectly manicured, coiffed, and outfitted woman with no children attempt to tell me that if I would just "try a little harder" I could get my 3 children ages 4 and under to sleep through the night, be potty trained, and refrain from public tantrums of earsplitting volume makes me want to figuratively beat her senseless with her $300 heels she can afford because she hasn't blown it all on diapers, formula, and Hot Wheels. No, wait. That one's "literally".

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?