-->
Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
Follow the Hollow Tree on Facebook!Follow the tweets!Let's pin together!Look! Square pictures!Google Plus us!HTV's on the YouTube, too!Subscribe via RSS feed!Get yourself some Bloglovin'!I'll send htv to your email inbox!

20 Things You Never Want To Hear From Your Kids

Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear

There are few things as important to parents as communication with our kids. From the time they’re born we can’t wait to hear what they’re thinking—like what’s going on in their heads when they spend 20 minutes laughing crazily at a beam of sunshine, and why do they insist on eating random things they find on the sidewalk?!? We want them to understand us when we say, “Don’t put your gum on the dinner table—this is why we can’t have nice things!” and for them to be able to just tell us what’s bothering them instead of screaming inconsolable toddler-babble about it for two hours straight.

Of course I’m kidding (sort of); what we’re really waiting for are the I-love-yous and the bedtime songs, we’re listening for coos and babbles to evolve into mama and dada. Eventually we hope to be lucky enough for them to grow into tweens and teens who continue to tell us what’s bothering them, and who understand us when we say, “Seriously, stop putting your gum on the table—this is why we STILL can’t have nice things!”

But with the good comes the not-so-good, and all too quickly we learn that every conversation isn’t going to be sunshine and rainbows. As much as we love the idea of communicating with our kids, there are some things we just never want to hear.

20 THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR KIDS:

45-minute recaps of their favorite cartoons.
A request for you not to look in the toilet for...uh...no particular reason.
“My sock is lumpy.”
“I can’t find my shoe.”
“I don’t need to go potty, I just peed in the pool!”
A reminder it was your turn to bring a class snack...as you’re dropping them off at school.
Four-letter words they weren’t supposed to overhear.
In-depth descriptions of bodily functions.
Any confession involving permanent marker and a sibling’s face.
An honest opinion about your new haircut.
One of those knock knock jokes that never seem to end.
Racy lyrics to a song that, in your defense, they really should have edited for radio.
Any indication they’ve noticed that the store you’re in has a toy aisle.
News that the class pet is coming home with them over spring break.
“Mommy, I dropped my toy again” coming from the backseat, 372 times in a row.
An unsolicited reassurance that the cat is fine.
“Look, I cut my own hair!”
“Uh oh, I don’t feel so good…”
“...BRING ME THE PUKE BUCKET!”
Unexplained silence.

The silence can be especially terrifying, since it tends to signal that your kid is off somewhere painting the dog purple or unloading the Tupperware drawer into the toilet. But it can be scary for another reason, too.

When my now 14-year-old was about six, he gradually stopped responding to me when I called his name. He was always a pretty studious kid, so at first I assumed he was so absorbed in what he was doing that he’d blocked everything else out. Okay, maybe I also wondered if he was just plain old ignoring my pleas to get him to eat dinner or get ready for bed.

Eventually I started to realize something was really wrong...and that’s when the unexplained silence that had become his usual response started getting scary. He didn’t seem to hear me at all if he wasn’t looking straight at me, and when I did get his attention he’d lean in closely and study my lips when I talked. I was afraid his hearing had been impacted by the fact that he was born three months premature; he’d already outgrown the few developmental delays he’d dealt with after birth, but occasionally some other complication would arise. What if hearing loss was one of them?

So I took him to the doctor, and (luckily) discovered the issue was caused by fluid trapped in his ears; after surgery and the insertion of tubes, his hearing returned to normal. His speech development was still impacted though, and he needed speech therapy for a few years in school. The influence hearing has on hitting communication milestones is no joke, people.



If you find yourself in a similar situation, notice language delays, or see any signs your kid might have trouble hearing, get to a doctor or hearing specialist (you can easily find one on Cochlear’s IWantYouToHear.com website) right away for a diagnosis. Even if you don’t have a relatively simple fix like ours, cochlear implants might be able to help improve your child’s hearing.

In operation for over 30 years, Cochlear is the global leader in implantable hearing solutions, providing products (cochlear implants and bone conduction), and helping over 450,000 people worldwide have access to sound. They’re passionate about connecting parents to resources, support, and information on hearing loss—and if you decide cochlear implants are right for you and your child, they become a lifelong partner in finding and updating solutions that work for you.

As I experienced after my son’s surgery, there’s nothing on earth like the wide-eyed look you get from your child when they clearly hear your voice again for the first time in a long time (or for the first time ever). Just prepare yourself for the fact that opening up the lines of communication can mean I-love-yous and bedtime songs, but it also means opening yourself up to lengthy conversations about Pokemon.

It’s totally worth it, though.


Of course you want your kids to hit developmental speech and hearing milestones and openly communicate with you, but let’s face it—you don’t want them to communicate EVERYTHING, lol. Here’s a funny list of things you don’t ever want to hear your kids say, as well as some valuable information and resources for parents to help recognize signs of hearing loss in children and find ways to potentially help them hear better. | Cochlear | ad | IWantYouToHear




This post made possible through the support of Cochlear. All opinions and toilet-water-soaked Tupperware are my own.


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


0 comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?