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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I Might Be a Felon

A million years ago, I used to be a banker. I was a financial counselor, a loan officer, an annuities specialist, and a corporate lender, and all of it was every bit as boring as it sounds — except when I was a teller working the drive-though.

My branch had an office downtown with a long row of teller windows, but due to traffic restrictions our drive-through lanes were several blocks away in a separate facility.
There was a lot to love about the drive-through, like sending suckers through the tubes to kids who were screaming in their car seats (obviously this was before I had kids of my own — now I know what those poor parents were likely muttering under their breath about me and my sugar-rush lollipops of doom). I loved the quiet, I loved smiling and waving instead of talking because no one could hear you over the crackly speakers anyway. But above all, I loved it because the building was too small to include a manager's office.

Ahh, the freedom.
Of course, that freedom is what got me into trouble.
I was caught on film robbing a bank by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

We never got many customers and had zero supervision, which translated into plenty of opportunities to goof off — like the time another teller and I discovered the Lost and Found box. Deep in a drawer, beneath a flashlight and some other random junk, we struck gold: a disposable camera! A quick check of the exposure count showed it was brand new and full of film.
I'd worked there for over a year, so it was safe to assume that if nobody had claimed the camera yet, they probably never would. So, high on recirculated air and Whatchamacallit bars from the break room, we decided to have some fun. We entertained ourselves for hours, making goofy faces and staging several photos that looked like we were robbing the vault. Hahaha, we thought, putting the camera back, loaded with 36 pictures of us acting like idiots. If they ever DO come back and get this film developed, they're in for a big surprise!
Fast forward six months to a far more exciting day at the drive-though. I was flipping through a magazine while another teller painted her nails, when a car came whipping around the building. We watched in disbelief as... crunch! In a rush to deposit her paycheck, a woman hit the cement pylon between drive-though lanes.
We could see she was fine, but as a precaution against robbery we couldn't leave the building without calling to let management know first. I dialed the number and told my manager what had happened.
"Okay, go out and check on her. And don't forget to take the AEK."
"Um, the what?"
"The Accident Emergency Kit. There should be a box there with a flashlight, and paper to take notes. There's also a disposable camera — be sure to take pictures of the damage to her car, for insurance purposes."
Needless to say, this was the first time I'd heard anything about the existence an Accident Emergency Kit.
The manager was quite perplexed when I informed her we didn't seem to have one.

I originally wrote this post for In The Powder Room; it is republished here with permission.


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