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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I Promise I'm Not Crazy: How I Ruined Mom Dating

the online mom-dating experience by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Since finding mom friends in real life is pretty difficult, Internet-lurkers such as myself really appreciate the emergence of those new mom-dating sites you've probably heard of. They help moms find other local moms and hook 'em up - sort of like eHarmony, but with more playdates and fewer booty calls.*

*Disclaimer: I don't actually know if there are lots of booty calls on eHarmony. Probably not. I'm sure they are responsible for lots of non-booty-related love connections. Please don't sue me or send hate mail.

Anyway, I checked out one of these mom-dating sites - strictly for research on an article I was writing - and maybe a little bit because I've always been sort of curious about them. I might've mentioned this before, but I'm socially awkward to the point that people sometimes want to call security, and I can count on zero hands the number of friends I have in real life. I should make friends so that my poor toddler can socialize, I thought. Seriously, Maddie once listed her friends and they were all blood relatives and cartoon characters. Not good.

Normally I'm fine with not having real-life buddies; hanging out with people would really interfere with my hectic schedule of staying in my PJs and avoiding contact with other humans. However, after a few hours of perusing the site FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES, I got sucked in. Hey, there was a woman who lived near me with a toddler Maddie's age! We could be besties! Soon, I posted this message in the Facebook group where my Internet friends live:
I signed up on this mom-dating site where people find mom friends, as part of my research to write a humor piece (of course). But then I saw a profile for a girl who seems really nice, and before I knew what I was doing I'd sent her a friend request. I don't even know who I am anymore!!! Save me from myself!!!
Then, like any socially backward person, I broke out into regret-hives and updated my e-friends, who are no doubt eternally grateful that they rarely have to deal with me in person:
I seriously have the nervous sweats. Here's the message I sent to her: "Hi! I'm new to the site, so I hope it isn't weird or creepy for me to send you a friend request. If it is, um... sorry. I promise I'm not creepy in real life, but I am pretty much exactly as awkward as this message is turning out to be." So natch she'll be responding asap.
A few days passed, and I hadn't gotten a response. Realizing I probably forgot to turn on email alerts or something, I went to the site itself to check for messages.

Nothing.

I looked at my pending friends requests.

Nothing.

I searched for her profile, because I lied about not being creepy.

Nothing. You know why?

She deleted her profile.

Let me repeat that: I sent a friend request to a stranger, and instead of ignoring me or denying my request, she reacted by DELETING HER ENTIRE PROFILE. That is how socially awkward I am.

Suffice it to say, I'm back to being totally fine with not having friends in real life. Which is too bad, really, because I still laugh pretty hard whenever I think about this, and I think Profile Deleter would've gotten a chuckle out of it, too. Plus, without a playdate Maddie continues to think her BFF is Strawberry Shortcake.

Meh, she could do worse.

However, all is not lost! I was able to actually write the piece I did the research for, which is now up and running on Lifetime Moms. It's called The Truth Behind Mom-Dating Site Profiles, and I hope it helps you avoid potential mom-friend personality mismatches like the ones I seem to find on the regular. For bonus points, try to guess which bios are almost completely lifted word-for-word off the real mom-dating site! (And people say I'm weird.)

humor article about the bios on mom-dating sites by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV






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