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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I Know What Could Have Saved SkyMall

If you've ever flown on a plane, you've undoubtedly flipped through a SkyMall catalog. Full of delightful items that no one would ever buy in a million years even if they could afford them, from giant garden statues of Bigfoot to toilets equipped with USB ports (I'm guessing), SkyMall was hands-down the most entertaining thing you were likely to find in the seatback pocket in front of you.

Sadly, the company that publishes SkyMall filed for bankruptcy late last week, which I guess means people with uncharged smartphones will be forced to watch the in-flight movie or have actual conversations on planes now instead of pretending to shop for ridiculously overpriced and impractical stuff in the SkyMall catalog. However, if they had asked me (which of course no one ever does) they probably could have remained solvent if they'd marketed themselves more to moms.

Here are six things any mom would've been happy to buy - things that would've fit right in with all the bizarre face-massaging sunglasses and temperature-controlled bathrobes SkyMall was so well-known for.

6 great products we wish were in SkyMall For Moms by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Juice-Aerating Sippy Cup: Embark on an entirely new sippy cup experience, as your child's sparkling apple juice is allowed to properly breathe the way nature intended, as far as you know.

100% Pewter Baby Gate: Perfect for the mom with a passion for both safety and medieval decor!

Diapers With Biometric Thumbprint Recognition Tab Release:* This stylish technological wonder keeps your diaper-Houdini modest until YOU (or your spouse - yeah, you should probably program it with your spouse's thumbprint) are ready. *Okay, we’ll be honest, we have no idea what the name of this product even means, but we’re SkyMall so it doesn’t matter as long as it sounds cool.

Smartphone Case With Built-In Diaper Wipe Dispenser: The two things you never leave home without - together! Comes with one year emergency roadside assistance for those times when a diaper blowout happens far from home and OF COURSE you forgot to refill the dispenser.

Motorized Stroller Scooter: This sleek stroller design belies the heavy-duty shock absorbers and V12 Hemi engine hidden under the convenient snack tray. Mom can step on the flip-down non-slip running board and seamlessly transition from taking baby for a walk to taking baby on an off-road adventure!

Pacifier With Hidden Compartment For Cash: Best to play it safe by stowing your infant's valuables out of sight. No one would guess she had a secret hiding spot, plus it's scientifically impossible to get a paci out of a baby's mouth unless she's asleep and slack-jawed anyway. Also available in a whimsical mustache design!

Noise Canceling Pillow: This luxurious pillow is constructed with space-age materials that allow Mom to sleep through anything, including a child two inches from her face yelling, "MOM, I TRIED TO MAKE CHOCOLATE MILK FOR BREAKFAST AND NOW THE CAT NEEDS A BATH."

So, what about you - what do you wish you still had a chance to buy from SkyMall?

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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