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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Prom Dress Horror Through the Decades

prom dresses through four decades


Ah, prom. Is there any better lens under which to magnify the insecurities and poor decisions of youth than an over-hyped, high-pressure, once-in-a-lifetime formal occasion that's also a superfun popularity contest?

I think not.

Don't get me wrong, I think proms are fab - hey, I went to four of them! And no, I'm not bragging, I just have to say proms are great to keep my Prom Reality memories from being regurgitated by my subconscious back into my frontal cortex, where I'll be forced to think about them. Going to four proms wasn't even cool back when I did it, and it certainly isn't a point of pride now that I'm an adult and, in hindsight, should've known better even at the relatively dumb age of seventeen.

Luckily, it's safe to pretty much forget about the dance, anyway. Let's face it - for the girls, prom is all about the dress. Limos exist to provide a grand entrance for The Dress. A corsage must coordinate with The Dress, and will be unceremoniously ditched in the limo if it interferes with the fabulousness of The Dress. Having a date is nice, but really he's just an accessory; that's why we outfit him in a ridiculous bow tie and cummerbund to perfectly match the ridiculous salmon color we chose for (you guessed it) The Dress.

But no matter how much you love your Very Important Gown, ladies, one thing is guaranteed: one day you will look at yourself in old prom pictures, and you will roll your eyes so hard you'll probably severely strain your optic nerves. How do I know? Because the styles may change, but when you get down to it, prom dresses have always been the same.

prom dresses through four decades - the 80s by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

prom dresses through four decades - the 90s by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV
I totally had that dress on the right in purple velvet. Wicked fresh.

prom dresses through four decades - the 00s by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

prom dresses through four decades - the 10s by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

So, I guess the moral of the story (Sure, there's a moral - why not?) is to go ahead and enjoy prom with the wild abandon usually reserved in adulthood for treating yourself to a frozen pizza at 3 AM.

Because no matter what you do, your parents are going to think your dress looks like a slutty wad of jellyfish stapled to a swimsuit, and one day you'll be so embarrassed about the stuff you and your friends thought was cool you'll wonder why you didn't just bedazzle a t-shirt and skip the photo booth completely.

Or, just ignore my advice altogether - after all, you're talking to the girl who considered a ponytail a "special occasion up-do" in 1992.

Yes, that necklace is plastic and yes, I bought it at Claire's.
Come to think of it, I still rock a ponytail. See? I told you not much has changed.

Want to reminisce even more about our horrific prom memories? Click over and read these quick, funny Top 9 Harsh Realities of Prom - they'll make you laugh, they'll make you cringe, they'll make you want to sneak booze out of your parents' liquor cabinet.

This post is written for NickMom in conjunction with their paid sponsorship of the BlogU blog conference. All opinions and poor fashion choices are my own. Except that dress, which I borrowed from my BFF, so technically that was her fashion choice. However, I'd still wear that sucker today if I could fit into it and it spared me from dress shopping.



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