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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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6 Lazy Ways To Celebrate Earth Day

I absolutely love the Earth - it is, without question, probably one of my very favorite planets. It's at least in the top five, for sure.

That's why I completely support the tradition of celebrating Earth Day, the one day each year when a small portion of the population acknowledges that we're destroying the environment at a rate that will likely result in the extinction of our species with the next 45 minutes if we don't make some kind of annual token effort to be less wasteful and oil-spilly.

Hooray!

6 lazy ways to celebrate Earth Day by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


"But wait," I thought to myself, for the purposes of this article. "I strongly oppose the Earth filling up with our noxious garbage, and would like to avoid that happening until my children's children have had a chance to colonize Mars, or until they've evolved to the point where they're immune to noxious garbage and it becomes our primary weapon against invading aliens. What I'm saying is, I want to help, but I'm lazy. So, so very lazy. What can I do?"

Well, I'll tell you what you can do - you can very nearly singlehandedly save the Earth with almost zero effort, just by doing one of these six things.

  1. Conserve water by not shaving your legs or doing laundry.
  2. Reduce carbon monoxide emissions by vowing not to drive your kids to Chuck E Cheese's. (Or anywhere else. But especially not to Chuck E Cheese's.)
  3. Save energy by serving cereal for dinner instead of cooking.
  4. Preserve valuable space in the landfills by refusing to clean out the basement - EVER!
  5. Recycle junk mail by mailing all your Best Buy "Earth Day Sale" fliers to Bank of America in the postage-paid return envelopes they keep enclosing with all those valuable credit card offers you don't want.
  6. Plant one of whatever kind of tree Nutella comes from. Better make that two.
See, without even trying you can earn the respect of your peers by claiming to be environmentally conscious for 24 hours or so, in honor of Earth Day. Don't you think our planet deserves it? (You might as well say yes, because this isn't the kind of holiday you can just gloss over with a hastily signed card and some chocolate. Believe me, I checked.)


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