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We Thought You'd Never Ask - sweet love

You've arrived just in time for the latest installment of We Thought You'd Never Ask, the sarcasm-laced series in which my husband and I debate various burning questions sent in by readers like YOU! If you have an issue or need some advice, leave your question in the comments or send me an email at hollowtreeventures {at} gmail {dot} com. And now, time for the show!

WTYNA about romance by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


Okay, normally our turn-around time for anything from throwing out leftovers to mailing wedding thank-yous is measured in decades rather than hours, and I know we just had an installment of We Thought You’d Never Ask (about washing the dishes) a few days ago, but a friend pointed out that we’d be remiss if we didn't address the issue of romance on this, the romanciest of days.

Many couples abstain from Valentine’s Day and opt to stay home in defiance of its obvious ploy to sell diamond tennis bracelets, but other couples glaze over the holiday because of a common marital problem: one spouse suffers from Romance Deficiency.

Don’t believe me? Here are a few examples:

"Hubs just told me he's not buying a card this year, because they're a waste of money. He'll just text me 'I Love You' and then I will have it 'forever.'" - Jen, of People I Want To Punch In the Throat
Though sometimes it's not so much about a lack of romantic gestures, but the way they're expressed.
"The day my husband doesn't dry hump me from behind while I'm loading the dishwasher is the day that I know it's over." - Amy, of Funny Is Family
To be fair, it isn't always the husband dropping the romance ball.
"Bob is the romantic one. He hates that I hate Valentine's Day. But, he entered the marriage knowing that he'd have to give up VD and I entered it knowing I'd have to acquiesce to colored lights on the tree." - Bethany, of Bad Parenting Moments
And sometimes it's just complicated, as you'll see in this perfect love letter from Brenna of Suburban Snapshots to her very practical husband, in which she urges, "I want your hand on my knee while you drive even though your callouses snag my tights."

So, the question is this: How should a couple handle the Valentine’s Day celebration if one party doesn't care about the party? Should they skip it and claim they show each other how much they “love each other every day, not just Hallmark holidays” - or should the one whose soul is dead inside make a little effort for the poor spouse who just wants a little loving gesture thrown their way 1/365th of the year?*

*Totally non-biased intro.

Gerry: Holy Moses, I think I’m being called out for being the non-romantic one in the relationship. I call Shenanigans.

I confess that I think Valentine’s Day is a sham, unless your solution to a romance imbalance is to up your game one day a year to keep your spouse appeased. Then you should do it up and you should do it up hard. I also think that if your spouse is really into this holiday then you should be into it as well.

So what, you have to think about what your Soulmate, your Other Self, your One True Love might like as a token of your affection for them. What a bear! Come on. Wrack your brain. Maybe they'd like a date night. Or some time for themselves. Or some candy, or flowers. Maybe even both. Plus a card. And not some crummy, glittery piece of schmaltz. Something real and heartfelt, perhaps. It’s not that hard. You don’t have to spend a fortune on another piece of jewelry or an Xbox. At least not every year. Some years you play the budget game. Some years you play the blow the budget game.

But if you really act like lovers all year long, Valentine’s Day is just another excuse to get it on. And that’s never (hardly ever) a bad thing.

Robyn: Okay, you got me. I’m totally unromantic and I don’t care one iota about Valentine’s Day, though I think other people’s displays of un-romanticness (that’s a word, I’m pretty sure) are exceedingly hilarious, and I do appreciate any excuse to get it on (I’m sorry you had to read that, Mom).

I think couples should celebrate if either person wants to - it's only fair, anti-romantics, especially since chances are good that sometime in the past year your spouse went to some horrible office party for you, or let you drink the last beer, or made some other sacrifice for you in the name of relationship betterment. Of course that's easy for me to say, since neither of us work in an office, my husband always lets me have the last beer if I want it, and we would both shoot cupid with his own flaming arrows on February 14th if given half a chance.

So, amazingly, I agree with you 100%, honey - and I’m not just saying that because it’s Valentine’s Day. Or because I want to get it on. Though hopefully it doesn't hurt my chances. *wink*

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


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