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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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I'd like to be on this drug

The new miracle drug - SLEEP! By Robyn Welling @RobynHTVHave you been down in the dumps lately? Has this long winter, full of more snow days than sunlight, left you feeling tired and irritable? Do you have difficulty concentrating on your family's incessant whining for food and attention?

Well, today I discovered a miracle cure. It's called Sleep!

Some of you might remember Sleep from the days before you became a parent or had a job that required you to be awake before sunrise. The demands and hectic pace of adulthood often interfere with our ability to enjoy the calming, rejuvenating effects of Sleep - sometimes it's hard to even remember how to get it!

Before I had children, I could get Sleep almost any time, anywhere. I'd do it in bed at noon on a Saturday, if I felt like it. I'd do it on the couch while watching old episodes of The Price Is Right. After a particularly trying week, I might've even done it during a relaxing bath.

These days, Sleep isn't as easy to come by - especially lately. Lacking my usual 5-hour fix, I'd begun to experience Sleep withdrawal, a relatively common condition among adults that's marked by dark under-eye circles, severe brain fog, and nonsensical, random screaming. That's probably why this morning, motivated by his love for me and a deep sense of self-preservation, my husband whisked the children out of the house so that I could indulge in a nice, long Sleep binge.

After a little Sleep, I was like a new woman! Suddenly, I could think clearly-ish. My kids' reminders that Tuesday is snack day at school no longer seemed like a personal attack on my parenting skills. I was able to successfully block the Weebles being thrown at my face by the toddler, instead of just watching them hurtle toward me with a sort of detached curiosity. My lethargic shuffling sped up to the comparatively perky gait of an octogenarian. Amazing!

Just like any mood enhancer you might enjoy, Sleep can have negative side effects as well. Sleep may cause you to miss out on activities you normally participate in, like inhaling Oreos and wine at 2 AM, or eating breakfast before lunchtime. Excessive sleep can interfere with your ability to participate in evening PTO meetings, or watch disappointingly un-funny late-night television programs. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery or play Wii Sports under the influence of Sleep.

When used responsibly, however, Sleep can be an effective way to combat fatigue, mood swings, and the recurring desire to strangle those around you.

Have you tried Sleep lately? How many people would you strangle to get some? If you said "one or more people," you definitely need some Sleep. If you can work up enough energy to convince someone in your house how much danger they're in if your Sleep deprivation continues, I highly recommend it.


(Article originally published on In The Powder Room. Reprinted with permission.)

image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net by marin



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