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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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If adults acted like toddlers

Call me jealous if you must (and if you're into accuracy), but sometimes I look at my 2-year-old and wish I could get away with the stuff she does.

Not that I condone her behavior, mind you. But I do sort of admire it. Toddlers have the perfect blend of sweetness, manipulation, and a complete lack of inhibitions that makes them the boss of every room they enter.

As people grow older, we suddenly feel the need to follow rules set forth by polite society - which is good, because when we're older we need to do things that little kids don't have to worry about, like make friends and keep jobs and not tick people off who might start a rollicking brawl at Chuck E Cheese's. However, as we gain maturity, we lose the toddler's enviable ability to exert total control over pretty much every single thing on Earth.

If only I could ignore the etiquette expected in adulthood, here are some situations when being allowed to act like a toddler would come in handy.

if adults acted like toddlers by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV



Household chores
When it comes to cleaning, I want to handle it like a two-year-old. Here's the thought process:
1. I'm done with this.
2. So. . . I'll just throw it there on the floor.

Getting a raise
How nice would it be to waltz into your boss's office for your annual review, and be able to successfully negotiate ANYTHING YOU WANTED? Channel a toddler's brilliance - simply refuse to talk or move, and maybe hold your breath for a while. Be patient. They'll give in. They always do.

Blowing off some steam
I'm sick of handling stress through acceptable methods like yoga or dealing with my problems. Instead, I want to express my displeasure by screaming. A lot. In public. Depending on my mood, I might either become completely rigid, or turn my entire body into a wet spaghetti noodle.

Small talk
At parties, adults often get cornered by some dullard who wants to discuss the current financial climate or the suspicious lump they recently found on their neck. Not if you talk like a toddler, though! To change the subject or get out of any unpleasant conversation, first say something that might be a sentence, using at least two unintelligible non-words you made up. While they try to decipher what you said, rapidly ask several questions that answer themselves (What's this cup? What time is 9:30? What is Mommy's name, Mommy?) - any attempt they make to respond should be met with, "WHY?" Believe me, they won't want to hang out and chat for long.

Fights
Adults who disagree have to do boring stuff like "use their words." Next time someone irritates me, I'll do what a toddler would do: smack them in the face, then cry and ask them for a hug.

Come to think of it, more hugs would probably solve a lot of adult problems! Either that, or get a lot more people smacked in the face. So, what about you - in what ways do you wish you could act like a toddler?


This post has been featured on What the Flicka!


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