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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Overheard: the zombie kit

If you'd been creepily lurking under my bed not too long ago (please don't do that, though - it's one of my real-life irrational fears), here's the conversation you'd have overheard:

how to survive a zombie attack by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Me (examining a toiletries bag that was inexplicably sitting on the floor): What's this?

Husband: That's my zombie apocalypse kit. Scope-flavored dental floss, Carmex, shampoo . . .

Me (scoffing, while scoring a bald joke): You are not gonna care about washing your non-hair when the zombie apocalypse comes.

Because I know these things.

Husband (ignoring me, as usual):  . . . toothbrush, gum . . .

Me (continuing to scoff): Oooh, gum. Take THAT, zombies.

Husband: I'm not trying to kill zombies. I'm trying to survive in style.

Me: How do you suppose gum's going to help? That'll only make things worse. If your breath is all fresh, those rotting zombies will know right off you're not one of them.

Husband: No, the fresh mintiness scares zombies away.

Because he knows these things.

That's me, still scoffing.

Husband (pretending to ignore my eye roll): Duh - they're attracted to rancid things. [pause] So obviously they'll be attracted to your breath first.

Me: I don't think it's the zombies you need to worry about at this point.

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6 comments:

  1. gotta side with your hubby on this one. I.Am.Ready
    and by that I mean, I met Norman Reedus this past summer, so um....yeah: totally got Daryl Dixon on my team.
    Because I know, it's not what you got.....but WHO ya got ;)

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  2. Well based on who my husband has, I guess he's safe. ;)

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  3. He'd better sleep with one eye open, you know, for the zombies. Ellen

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