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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns: Lice Outbreak!

As The Dollhouse Turns Lice Outbreak by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

The day starts like any other school day. Sunny bounces out of bed as soon as her alarm goes off . . .

time to get up on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

. . . and ushers her alert, cooperative children effortlessly into their morning routine.

breakfast on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

So enthusiastic!

After 45 minutes or so of this alert cooperativeness - during which twelve outfits are rejected, math homework is found to be half-completed, and various cereals are refused on the grounds that their marshmallow contents fall below the girls' sugar standards - Sunny watches the bus pull away, tugging her heartstrings along with it, as it escorts her little darlings off for a blissful eight hours of school.

getting on the bus on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV
"Sorry, Ma'am, but we still don't take babies," the bus driver
cheerfully tells Sunny for the 56th morning in a row.

Sunny spends the day doing laundry, organizing the girls' closets by color, and taking inventory of her pantry so she can effectively formulate a weekly menu plan that maximizes coupon savings.

Hahaha, I'm just kidding - she surfs Pinterest for two hours, drinks coffee, and spritzes some Febreze around to make it smell like she cleaned.

Sunny on Pinterest on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Before she knows it, the bus is back. The front door flies open and the girls' footsteps thunder toward her, accompanied by their urgent voices.

"Mommy, Mommy, the teacher said you need to read this right away!"

letter from school on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

"Well, this is sure to be good news," thinks Sunny, obviously delusional.

lice letter on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Meanwhile, all across the neighborhood, other parents of school children simultaneously receive the same announcement from the principal.

The adults take the news quite well.

reaction to lice on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

reaction to lice on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

reaction to lice on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

reaction to lice on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

After recovering from the shock and the subsequent crying jags, the parents set to work. Heads are checked. Scratching, squirming or twitching of any kind becomes an immediate cause for alarm.

lice check on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV
"I'm not sure if I see anything . . ."
"Then you're not looking hard enough!"

Every scrap of cloth in every house is taken for a spin (or twelve) through a scalding hot rinse cycle.

lice laundry on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Local children are mildly disappointed to see all their non-washable worldly possessions delicately placed in trash bags and put into "storage."

lice treatment on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV

Anyone who's unfortunate enough to have hair is treated with great care to limit the possibility of exposure . . .

handling the patient on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV
"Easy does it . . ."

. . . until their moms and dads are able to get to the store, where they fight over whether Industrial Strength RID, a diluted mixture of lavender and tea tree oil, or a value pack of disposable razors would be the most effective treatment.

After a night of shampooing, scrubbing, and scalp sifting, the children are sent back to school the following day in hopes they won't all just reinfect each other. Eight hours later, Sunny's daughters burst through the door again calling, "Mommy, Mommy, the teacher said you need to read this right away!"

"Oh God, no," pleads Sunny. "What could it be this time?!?"

follow up lice letter on As The Dollhouse Turns by Robyn Welling @RobynHTV


Thanks for joining us for another episode of As The Dollhouse Turns! You can see previous episodes here, and be sure to check out more dollhouse fun on the As The Dollhouse Turns Facebook page!


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


43 comments:

  1. Kathy at kissing the frogOctober 16, 2013 at 9:51 AM

    GENIUS!! I love you Robyn!

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  2. Just when I was recovering from last months lice scare, you hit me with this! ITCHING!

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  3. Despite the ending, I am STILL itchy from this.

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  4. Since starting this post, I've been so itchy that I've been thisclose to shaving my head - just to be safe.

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  5. Love it. Apparently it IS lice season, as every parent I know is talking about it. What astounded me was one woman who asked, "What should we do if we get lice? Should we let them live calmly or should we kill them by using poison or crushing them to death?"



    I swear I'm not making that up...

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  6. That's insanity! If I could actually catch one I'd crush it, but they're really hard to catch unless you've already poisoned them.

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  7. When is the book coming out? I'll preorder!!

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  8. I have never laughed so hard in my life!

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  9. BadParentingMomentsOctober 16, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    I'm dying. The dad with his head in the oven did me in. I love you.

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  10. I was just freaked out by their willingness to keep them as pets...

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  11. LOL! I will tell you that while this is hilarious lice creep me out and make me physically ill.... I don't know what it is about it that does it to me either!

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  12. This has to be the best ATDT ever! I am so utterly amused by the pictures and the storyline/commentary that I cannot stop laughing. Sunny, Buzz, and the 3 Cs (these fictional academy award winners!) have me in stiches--but as long as it's not itches, we're all good. Thanks for a great GREAT funny post, Robyn!

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  13. I don't think even the tree-huggingest of Earth-lovers would advocate for allowing lice to live.

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  14. Conversation while I was taking that picture:
    Me: Do you think having the daughter standing there while her dad puts his head in the oven is too macabre?
    My mom: Have you ever let that stop you before?

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  15. I'm with you - I hear they're harmless (?) and not cause for as much alarm as people typically think, yet if/when my kids bring them home I'm tenting the house and fumigating.

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  16. I'm so glad to hear it! The episodes are a lot of fun to write - I really should get in the habit of doing them more often. Thanks for the kind words!

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  17. Christian at PCPPPOctober 16, 2013 at 7:24 PM

    That last woman looks like she's about to punt her baby. Is that how you get rid of lice? You kick them off?

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  18. BadParentingMomentsOctober 16, 2013 at 7:43 PM

    Satire is macabre. It's the absolute mind's eye truth. It's perfect! You always bring out that completely truthful humor. It's your special gift!

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  19. So Sunny is a morning person just like me, bouncing out of bed with equal enthusiasm. The hammer is genius. Oh and As The Dollhouse Turns has a FB page? Best news I've read all day.

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  20. Last year I got the call from the school nurse on my birthday that my long-haired dd had a massive infestation of lice.

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  21. Oh don't worry - Sunny and the gang are perfectly safe. I have preemptively bagged them up in plastic until the phantom head-itchiness I got from writing this post goes away. :)

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  22. Ever bedside table needs a hammer, if you ask me!

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  23. Ugh, happy birthday to you. :P Just when you thought your kids getting lice was as bed as it could get. . .

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  24. I'm bookmarking this for when it happens to us. I especially took note of the parent throwing himself out the window. That seemed like my kind of efficiency.

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  25. We've had lice. OHHHMYYGAWWDDD. Worst, I mean THE WORST experience I've ever had! What a goddamn nightmare! Then... when you get that stupid notice from school... AARRGHHH! All of those fears and nightmares and paranoia comes rushing back and you want to kill yourself!! Bless you to those who have had to deal with lice!!

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  26. It really does take care of a lot of problems all at once.

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  27. I know it - it's terrible when things like the flu get passed around, but at least that goes away eventually. Not only is dealing with the lice a nightmare, but all it takes is for one kid at the school to miss one little bug with that comb and everybody has to do it all AGAIN!

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  28. Meredith @badsandy.comOctober 17, 2013 at 8:26 PM

    Adorable. And gross. And I'm scratching my head now...

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  29. in 9 years I do not know how our house has managed to escape this annual plague. Although I may told a small white lie about them really loving stuffed animals and that's why they follow kids home on their heads. 2 bags of stuffed goodness - Goodbye! hello more space.

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  30. Does it help to know that the itchiness will go away in a few days (I hope)?

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  31. You have some of the best parenting ideas I've ever heard. Seriously, compile these gems into a book!

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  32. We just completed our scrub down from the infestation. There was so much laundry.

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  33. I feel for you, I really do. If I could dispense booze through my computer screen, I'd pour you a tall one.

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  34. YOU are a genius - I LOVE This - made me smile, laugh, and giggle soda out of my nose!!!

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  35. Head in the oven was the best one for me. I think I would be so close to that or jumping off the landing. Will.Freak.Me.Out!! So funny.

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  36. I think I identified best with the oven one, too - although jumping off the balcony would get you away from the lice faster.

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  37. I wouldn't dare say that we've never had lice over here, because then I would jinx myself. But it's bound to happen sooner or later. Dying at the head in the oven.

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  38. We've been lucky too (knocks wood) but from what I hear, the head in the oven isn't much of an exaggeration. ;)

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