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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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6 Secrets of an Awesome Marriage

I share a lot of stuff with you here, probably a lot of stuff you don't care about or even want to know, like the fact that I can never spell the word "thorough" on the first try, or the fact that now that's no longer true because I just spelled it right, or the fact that I just ate a handful of Skittles to celebrate my spelling skills, or the fact that I just spelled "celebrate" wrong twice in a row while constructing this terrible sentence about what a great speller I am.

Anyway, some of the stuff I've shared with you is about my marriage. Important stuff, like pictures of my wedding kiss facial hair, how he got the woman of his dreams (that's me), and why it's okay that we're going to hell. It's no secret we're happy and have a kickass marriage - it's one of the few things in my life I haven't quite screwed up yet.

That's why I thought I'd share our six secrets to an awesome marriage. I just hope my celebration of our marital success doesn't blow up in my face... like that self-congratulatory spelling thing did.

 photo top6secretsofanawesomemarriage_zps1fd9148d.jpg

  1. Do nice stuff. For example, when one of you whines pitifully for hours on end about how tired she is, send her upstairs to take a nap so she'll shut up and leave you alone.
  2. Show that you care. While she's taking that nap, if you catch her on Twitter don't hesitate to express your concern for her health.
  3. Spend quality time together.
  4. Hollow Tree Ventures
    My husband's so happy I'm back from #BlogHer13 - back to business as usual around here.
  5. Communication is key. If she occasionally spends a little too much time checking email and social media on her phone, make sure to remind her how important face-to-face communication is. Do it often. Do it so often, that even the 2-year-old gently chides, "Mommy, put the phone away, you nerd." 
  6. Play games. Keep the fun in your romance by playing games together - feel free to let your competitive side out, but keep the mood light. Cute user names and encouraging messages can really set the tone.
    Words With Friends message
  7. Perfect the art of jealousy.
    jealous texting
    Jealousy can be a bad thing, but it's great for a relationship in certain quantities. Over In The Powder Room, I explained how my husband and I managed to strike the perfect balance between not caring at all, and strangling every member of the opposite sex who dares glance in our direction. We've hardly strangled anyone in months, so you'll want to check out my advice, for sure (reprinted here with permission from ITPR):
For most of my adult life, I've been the antithesis of the Jealous Type in all my relationships. Female friends? No problem. Nights out with the guys? That's fine. Addicted to porn? What do I care?!?

Then I got together with my husband, and absolutely lost my mind.

To be fair, we both did. We fell in love so hard after being in the Friend Zone for almost 15 years, that we were completely terrified of losing what we'd finally found.

At one point, I nearly vetoed a date we'd planned just because his ex-girlfriend was going to be there. So what if it was the ex-girlfriend's wedding? She could still change her mind!

He would get insanely worried if I didn't call right after work. What if something bad had happened in the parking lot? What if that bad thing was a hot coworker?

I could go on — and on, and on — but you get the idea. Luckily, the human body can't seem to withstand that fever pitch of insanity for long periods of time, so we dialed it down. Eventually.

I realized that my lack of jealousy in prior relationships wasn't simply based on me being super-cool and laid back, as I'd once naively believed. Not to sound callous, but it's actually pretty easy not to get riled up when you just don't care enough to worry about getting hurt. However, being in a relationship you don't value enough to defend is no way to live.

The flip side is no treat either, though - who wants the stress of constantly anticipating loss, always wondering if your vulnerable heart is safe? Especially when your concerns aren't even realistic — ours certainly weren't. Partly because that ex-girlfriend knew I'd hunt her down if she tried anything funny, regardless of whether or not it was her Very Special Day.

So where is the line? Where's the balance between being a romantic zombie and letting insecurity or the possessiveness of someone else rule your life?

These days, my husband and I exist happily in a perpetual state of low-grade jealousy that seems to work for us, though the old green-eyed monster still makes an appearance now and then.

Like, let's just say his Facebook account was open on the laptop. And hypothetically, let's say there was a friend request from someone I didn't know. A very attractive female someone, assuming she hadn't stolen her avatar from one of those porn sites that never used to bother me. And let's just say it turned out to be an old friend from high school, at which time I reminded him that he wouldn't want me to Facebook friend some dude I used to know, especially if he looked all Chippendale porny.

And let's just say I kept reminding him, repeatedly, until he declined the request.

Hey, it isn't like I freaked out. A little jealousy just shows I care.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


8 comments:

  1. #4 is hilarious (it took me 3 times to get that one spelled right)! Totally guilty of that here! My kids are always telling me to 'stop playing on the computer' which is exactly what their dad says. Love #5! Maybe he would understand my addiction if I could get him involved in at least one of the games! :0)

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  2. ...and then I heard my 4yo whispering to himself, "not... giving... a... shit." Thanks, Robyn! No more reading HTV in front of the boy!

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  3. I've been sent upstairs for naps on numerous occasions... And that picture with the big kitties looks suspiciously like a scene that occurs often in our house, except there are laptops involved. I'm so glad to know that other couples are so successfully in sync with each other like my husband and I are (not).

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  4. Then our kids could tell BOTH their parents to stop playing! :)

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  5. DANGIT, I'd kept HTV totally clean right up until then! Oops!

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  6. I think I need to whine some more about how tired I am - although our whining *does* seem to be perfectly synchronized...

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  7. SocialButterflyMomAugust 12, 2013 at 7:08 AM

    Ah! We both do the take naps with Facebook as well!

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