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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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The Physics of Ice Cream



Sometimes my husband refuses to see my logic. In his defense, however, sometimes I borrow logic from my children.

The following conversation took place after dinner.


Gerry (eyeballing the single cracker remaining on my plate): I was thinking of dishing up some ice cream, but I can see you didn't have room for all your dinner.

Me: Oh, I probably have room for ice cream...

Gerry: But you're clearly too full to eat any more.

Me: Yeah, but I have room for ice cream...

"What would the kids say?" I ask myself...

...because it melts when you eat it, so it's really more like drinking than eating.

Genius! I should keep talking...

As a matter of fact, you actually burn calories converting ice cream from a solid to a liquid, so even if I were full, ice cream makes room for itself  by using up energy and making me hungry again.

Gerry (eyebrows raised): You don't say? Well, I'll admit, I never took physics in school, so that could be true.

Me (quickly providing fake evidence to support my story): Um, sure, I think it's called the Conservation of Body Mass Principle, or something. It's complicated.

I jiggle my upper two belly rolls for emphasis.

Gerry: Oh yeah, I think I've heard of that formula. Isn't it something like U equal B.S. to the millionth power?

HA - you gotta love nerd humor. Is there anything better?
I mean, besides ice cream.



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23 comments:

  1. There's always room for ice cream. My daughter asked me if she could make some yesterday. I was like -- right. But darned if she didn't google it and make her some ice cream by using ice in a bag and shaking it for a million years. Surprised the heck out of me.

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  2. Pro tip: Take two bananas, cut them up and put them in the freezer. When you want "healthy" ice cream, throw them in the food processor for about 5 minutes, scraping the sides from time to time until it blends like soft serve. Add in PB, chocolate, strawberries, etc. It sounds odd, but tastes JUST like ice cream and super easy.



    Then again, it's also easier to pull a pint out of the freezer, so there's that...

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  3. So, are you telling me that when I think I'm out of ice cream, I might not be out of ice cream??? *hugs Google*

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  4. I never heard of adding peanut butter or other fruit - I bet that's so good! I've gotten as far as freezing the bananas before, but Gerry haaaaaates bananas, so if I forget about them (which I always do) they somehow disappear from the freezer before the food processor part. :/

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  5. Christian at PCPPPJune 12, 2013 at 5:45 PM

    My 5 yr old will say something like "I'm full of mac n cheese but not full of ice cream". I'm pretty sure he has convinced himself that each food item has it's own compartment in his stomach, which explains why he can run out of room for dinner but still have room for dessert.

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  6. BadParentingMomentsJune 12, 2013 at 6:52 PM

    Having never thought about eating ice cream really being closer to drinking, you've just opened up my world to a whole new level of calorie denial and I love you for that. So, so much.

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  7. Now if I could just get my hands on some of that wine ice cream to drink!

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  8. ...hold on a second... *compartments, scribble scribble*... Just taking some notes...

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  9. WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustionJune 12, 2013 at 9:26 PM

    I jiggle my upper two belly rolls for emphasis.



    Died laughing.

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  10. I hate to say it, but I would hold off on the wine just to get the ice cream. If we are prioritizing calories. That's why we don't have ice cream in the house. We have to make an effort to eat it...like get off our fat butts and drive to get some.

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  11. Amy at Funny is FamilyJune 12, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    I would leave a comment about how you and the mister are the cleverest couple in my laptop, but I'm dropping said laptop to run (waddle) to the freezer. Because I just read ice cream 527 times.

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  12. SocialButterflyMomJune 13, 2013 at 8:23 AM

    As a kid, my husband would tell his mom that his "good food tube" was full, but there was still room for ice cream in his "bad food tube." Genius...or so HE thought.

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  13. My upper two belly rolls jiggle when I laugh, too. ;)

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  14. Laziness (or, as I like to call it, masterful energy conservation) is the only diet that's ever come close to working for me.

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  15. It's the power of suggestion! Now send me money, send me money, send me money... Is it working?!?

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  16. If I can get through this day without eating any ice cream...it will be a bloody miracle. I haven't even eaten breakfast and my own BS/nerd mind is already making arguments about how it has milk, which is calcium and thus healthy breakfast option.

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  17. Ha! I'll admit, if my kids said that, they'd probably get some ice cream just because of the cuteness factor. :)

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  18. You're right, it IS dairy - which means you should be able to melt it and pour it over a bowl of Cookie Crisp for a healthy, balanced breakfast! Science to the rescue - breakfast is served.

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  19. It's hard to keep my comments here family-friendly.

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  20. bananas are only allowed in the house until they start to smell.

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  21. You so silly! *goes off to make room for ice cream right now*

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  22. Remember, the more you eat, the more calories you burn! Or something...

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