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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Monday, June 3, 2013

As The Dollhouse Turns - Grandpa's Little Problem

Episode 22:


Grandma and Grandpa lead a healthy, active lifestyle.


But despite their lifetime of companionship, mutual love, and avoidance of osteoporosis, there's one area of their lives that has begun to... fall a little short of expectations.







Grandpa assumes it's just stress from the hectic demands of retirement, but when the problem doesn't go away, he decides to confide in his son.


"Um, Buzz? I've been having some issues... down south," Grandpa begins.

"You mean at your summer home in Florida?"

Sigh. "No, not exactly..."

"Ohhhh, are you having that not-so-fresh feeling?"

"You're thinking of the wrong commercial."

Grandpa rolls his eyes and gives up. On his way home, he begins weighing his options.


"The television tells me that this is "the age of knowing how to get things done" and that I should discuss almost everything with my doctor. The TV has never steered me wrong before, so..."

A few days and one trip to the pharmacy later...

"Our problems are solved! Meet me in the bedroom!"

A few minutes later...


"This doesn't seem to be working," Grandma sighs.

"I know where we went wrong," exclaims Grandpa, being very careful not to get his heart rate up too high, per the doctor's orders. "We only listened to part  of what the television told us to do - we still have to do the rest before I'll be back up to my old standards."

Grandma is ready to try anything, so they pack a typical bag for a day trip: Poise pads, days-of-the-week pill divider, peppermint candies for the bottom of Grandma's purse in case they pass by some youngsters, seven or eight spare sweaters, Aspercreme, Old Spice, and a freshly pressed hankie for Grandma to tuck up her sleeve.

With that, they're off to try everything the TV suggested would perk up the old love life.







"Is this sexy yet?"

Exhausted and dejected, the two lovebirds head home.

"Look at that, it's 4:30 - way past dinnertime! Would you like a snack, dear?" asks Grandma.

"Sure," Grandpa responds. He watches her at work, humming softly to herself, just as she has since the early days of their marriage. The years melt away and he suddenly sees her as his young bride again, except instead of making their old favorite snack of Cheetos and tequila shots, she's arranging prunes on a plate and retrieving two cans of Ensure.


"Why Ted, you old silver fox!" giggles Grandma. "You haven't gotten frisky in the kitchen for 30 years!"

"I have another surprise for you," says Grandpa. "The medicine is working! The television was right - things are really looking up!"

Four hours later...

"Oh dear, it's still working. Better call the doctor again."


Consult your physician and the fire marshal before attempting to put the spark back into a dry relationship.

Aside from the obvious one, commonly observed side effects for this drug include: headaches and nausea, often triggered by exposure to blue hair dye, annoyance with drafty rooms, frequent visits to IHOP, persistent delusion that combovers provide realistic hair coverage, refusal to turn on the air conditioning, dizziness resulting from the rapid pace of technological advancement, strong urge to talk about The Good Old Days, and an uncontrollable desire for kids to get off your damn lawn.



Thanks for joining us for another episode of As The Dollhouse Turns! You can see previous episodes here, and be sure to check out more dollhouse fun on the As The Dollhouse Turns Facebook page!


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


36 comments:

  1. No comments here yet?? I love this! -Love your site, love your blog. It's a fun read, makes me laugh, makes me feel normal... And more than that, it inspires me to write more! Yay!

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  2. I haven't even been on the page long enough for the images to load and I'm already going to share it. I can't get enough of this.

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  3. My FAVORITE series! Better than anything on the TV - thanks for the Monday laugh. Going to have to share this one on my facebook page cause it is hysterical, as usual!

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  4. Christian at PCPPPJune 3, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    The cinematography in this episode is outstanding. Also grandma's hair is large enough to have its own zip code. Grandpa probably has a hard time finding her face in that forest which might be another reason why he's having his "trouble".

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  5. I LOVE THIS, as usual!! The picture in the bathtubs is perfect!!

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  6. Is it bad that this reminded me of my husband and I...not? Great post, thanks!

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  7. That means so much to me - especially since the TV has about eleventy thousand channels. And a budget!

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  8. I don't think finding Grandma's face is going to help, unless he isn't freaked out by the fact that she has pretty much the same Generic Female Head as everyone else, except with her signature 'do.

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  9. Hooray, thanks! It sure was a pain lugging those tubs out to Lake Michigan. ;)

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  10. Haha, I hope not! Thanks for being here. :)

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  11. The bathtub was classic!! Loving the dollhouse ... thanks for your creativity and effort!!

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  12. Thank YOU - so glad you're enjoying it! Especially the bathtubs, since this whole post was just an excuse to make that picture. ;)

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  13. Classic. At least it wasn't a commercial for incontinence, as then they would have had to put on white shorts and play tennis as well. Anyway, a few years ago that commercial came on and my grandma said, "Four hours? If Walt ever had an erection for four hours, I wouldn't have called the doctor. I would have called the neighbor lady to come and take care of it. Who has enough energy for that?" Lovely.

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  14. Your detail work here is remarkable: the scarf in Grandma's hair for the convertible ride, that mohair sweater Grandpa is wearing in the Jacuzzi, and Grandma's hand headed for the utensil drawer in the kitchen. You never miss a thing!

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  15. Likewise, my friend! I have to admit, I chuckled to myself over the hair scarf - and gagged a little over the mohair.

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  16. Hoooooly crap. The pictures for this episode are the best. Umm... except the hot tub one. Grampa's hairy torso made me cringe. I especially liked the hover bikes, and the super-imposed shot of the olds in our beach footprints.


    Also, I see that Buzz is playing from the ladies tee.

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  17. Remind me to show you what I cut & pasted that torso hair from. You'll never guess in a kazillion years. I do like the beach one, but I sure hated Photoshopping you and the Mads out. ;)

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  18. Mackenzie@Raising Wild ThingsJune 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM

    Oh my god. I didn't think I could love you any more. And then this. The bathtub photos? The 4 hours later worry? Hi-lar-i-ous!! Thanks for the chuckle. I needed one today. :)

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  19. Hilarious!!!! Loved this. I'm new to ATDHT but laughed my butt off. Can't wait for the next episode! Thanks Robyn! -- Norine of Science of Parenthood

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  20. WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustionJune 5, 2013 at 4:10 PM

    I can't even imagine how long it must take you to put all of this together!! But I'm so grateful that you do because this shizz right here??? This is the stuff of Funnyordie.com. For reals--you need to submit this series somewhere to someone--HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    (A hankey to shove up grandma's sleeve--I died)

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  21. So glad you came by and liked what you found - thanks!!!

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  22. Wow, thank you! Really? I never thought about submitting there - maybe I will!

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  23. WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustionJune 5, 2013 at 6:35 PM

    Heck yeah!

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  24. Clearly, so much better than the "I've fallen and I can't get it up...or something like that" commercials. Love this one!

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  25. Opportunity missed - nicely played! I could've used this pic...

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  26. Each picture I got to, I was thinking, "This one is the best, I must comment on this!" But, it was all the best. Love EVERYTHING about the hot tub scene and thanks for including the bathtubs. My audible laughing moments were the "Cheetos and tequila shots" and the doctor's warning at the end. I also appreciated the old cordless phone. Masterful!
    Ellen

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  27. You, my dear friend, have an excellent eye for detail - not to mention excellent taste in dollhouse series'. ;)

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  28. BadParentingMomentsJune 7, 2013 at 2:55 PM

    I know I say this EVERY time you post a new episode, but, this one might be my favorite...until your next one and tied with all the other ones. The detail is amazing. You have a gift.

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  29. And THAT'S what I'm paying you for - keep that ego fodder coming, BPM!

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  30. That's hilarious! I love when Grandpa tries to confide in his son and the son thinks it's the wrong commercial! Love your gift for storytelling! Darcy Perdu

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  31. Thank you, Darcy - what a sweet thing to say! :D

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  32. Just found your blog via In The Powder Room. Loving As The Dollhouse Turns. My younger sister and I were totally into Barbie as girls. We put on a Barbie Soap Opera that we called "As The Toilet Flows" simply because our opening sequence included the sound of the toilet flushing. Our little dramas would last for hours. Glad to have found my way to your blog.

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  33. I love that you're here - thanks for coming by! I also love that you and your sister had a soap, too! I've thought of making these into videos, and I'd love to work a toilet flush into the theme song. ;)

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?