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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns: Laundry Day

Episode 21:

Sunny looks up from the computer, where she's been hard at work all afternoon paying bills and updating her 401k investment plan.

What?  Oh all right, she's been blogging.

Okay, fine, she's been on Facebook. Sheesh. In any case, she notices that some of the household chores have been slightly neglected. Like the laundry, for example.

Dammit.

Which reminds her, she meant to whip up a batch of that organic, hypoallergenic, inexpensive DIY laundry detergent that Maggie told her about. She hops onto Pinterest really quick to find the recipe.
Three hours later...
Dammit!

She sets about collecting the dirty clothes. Although there are laundry baskets conveniently located directly adjacent to every single square inch in the house where someone might take their clothes off, the laundry seems to be everywhere besides the baskets.

Grrr... dammit.

Sunny yells the fiftieth Last Warning to the girls. "I'm doing laundry! If there's something you need to have clean, you'd better bring it to me NOW!"

"I can get this all in one trip, no problem."

Sunny starts to sort the heaps of clothes into lights, darks, delicates, towels, things that should be dry cleaned but won't be, things that should be pre-treated but won't be, and random junk that falls out of the kids' pockets. Halfway through, she has a better idea.

New rule: If it fits into the washer, it's a load.

Why won't these fit? Oh, there's the problem - the washer's already full with a damp, mildewed load she forgot to move to the dryer last week.

Just as she starts the machine, reasoning that a blend of cold/hot laundry should do just fine averaged out into a single warm wash, Charmeuse walks in.

"Hey Mom, can you wash this jersey for me? I have a game in 20 minutes and this is my only uniform."

Sunny determines this is an important Teaching Moment - it's high time Charmeuse learned to be considerate and to plan ahead!

Then she remembers why Charmeuse only has one uniform - Sunny ruined the others one time when she got the fabric softener confused with the gel bleach. So she changes her mind and determines that instead, this is an important Teaching Moment about how to freshen laundry up with a spritz of Febreze and a quick tumble in the dryer.

"It's just like clean, without the hassle of cleaning!"

Crisis averted, Sunny irons some of Buzz's shirts. Unfortunately, she's a little out of practice.

DAMMIT!

Oh well, she'll just fold it up and put it on the bottom of his stack of shirts in the closet - he'll never notice.

"Uh-oh, looks like I'm running low on salmon-colored cardigans..."

Finally, an entire cycle of laundry is finished - well, sort of. She still has to fold the clothes, including the unwieldy fitted sheets, the kids' inside-out pants, and her prized collection of matching white towels that may or may not have fallen into her suitcase the last time she was traveling.

Don't judge! There were no mints on the pillows -
that hotel owed  me some towels.

That's a lot of work, but Sunny's relieved the folding is all done.

Bing!

What? The dryer was still running?!? How many more towels are there to fold?

"Next time, I'll stick to just stealing the shampoo."

Whew! Now  she's finished.

Almost.

She suddenly realizes she forgot to put detergent in one of the loads - but does she really feel like tracking down all the clothes she just folded and put away so she can rewash them? That's a solid "probably not." For now, she's just going to relax, rest her eyes, and enjoy the fact that - for the time being, anyway - the laundry is almost completely sort of clean.

Ahhh...

Seconds later, Sunny opens her eyes to a most unwelcome surprise.

DAMMIT!!!

I'd feel sorry for Sunny, if I could see her over this pile of laundry.

Thanks for joining us for another episode of As The Dollhouse Turns! You can see previous episodes here, and be sure to check out more dollhouse fun on the As The Dollhouse Turns Facebook page!


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


54 comments:

  1. Kathy at kissing the frogMay 19, 2013 at 9:56 PM

    Oh my god, you've outdone yourself with this one! I love how the laundry keeps multiplying right before her eyes. That's how
    It happens at my house, too. Dammit!

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  2. Well, this is perfect. You know that though, so I probably don't even need to say this. Laughed the whole way through and I had a day where I so needed to do that. Thank you.

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  3. Hilarious as usual! I think you wrote about my day!

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  4. One can never have too many salmon colored cardigans.

    3 other things: I love the captions, I want some of those towels, and when did the Dolls acquire a laundry room?

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  5. That's why 1) I never iron 2) I love Febreze and 3) I don't have kids. Okay, maybe laundry isn't the reason for all three of those things, but it fits the post. Don't forget carrying the WHOLE load of laundry, dropping one sock and then bending over to pick up the sock and dropping eight other items at the same time. It's a losing battle...and perfect fodder for this episode :)

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  6. No matter how carefully I tuck the socks and underwear into the wad of sheets and clothes, they ALWAYS fall right out like they'd just been gently resting on top. I especially love it when I don't get them all, and when I'm coming back from putting a load in I find one pair of my skivvies in the middle of the hall.

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  7. Laundry is the bitch that keeps winning. I hate her.
    This episode, however? LOVE LOVE LOVE. :)

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  8. It sure does seem frightening familiar, doesn't it??? ;)

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  9. I'm so glad you got a good laugh out of it! :D Now, if only thoose dolls would *actually* do laundry...

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  10. Oh no! Well, at least that means you got about half your laundry halfway done. :)

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  11. I think for us to get any of those towels, we'd have to actually open the Hollow Tree Hotel, which seems like an awful lot of work. We could make salmon colored cardigans the employee uniform though, so it might be worth it...

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  12. I'd feel sorry for Sunny if this wasn't me everyday. Laundry sucks.

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  13. It is hard to muster up some sympathy when you're battling your own laundry avalanche. ;)

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  14. Our laundry does this too. I swear that it's mating in the laundry hamper. You're right, I'm not fooling anyone. It's mating on the floor in front of the laundry hamper and yes, sometimes on the floor of the bathroom. LE SIGH.

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  15. Mine seems like it's mating too, probably because my kids keep secret stashes of dirty laundry and hoard it like it's worth cash money. Then they decide to finally deposit it into the hamper (or the floor near-ish the hamper) when all the other laundry is finally done. Le sigh is right!


    [image: logo]
    *Robyn Welling** Writer, Humorist**, Hollow Tree Ventures*
    "Am I the best parent? Or wife? Or person? Nope.
    Not even close."

    http://www.hollowtreeventures.com
    Check out my latest book ! [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter] [image: pinterest] [image:
    Blog RSS] [image: Google Plus Page]

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  16. This may just be the best, most genius episode yet. Wait, no, it is. The eyelid trick is fantastic!

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  17. You're just jealous of the eyelid trick because you had to get up at 4:30 this morning! Because I love you, I'd be willing to temporarily Photoshop your eyes closed, too. :)


    [image: logo]
    *Robyn Welling** Writer, Humorist**, Hollow Tree Ventures*
    "Am I the best parent? Or wife? Or person? Nope.
    Not even close."

    http://www.hollowtreeventures.com
    Check out my latest book ! [image: Facebook] [image: Twitter] [image: pinterest] [image:
    Blog RSS] [image: Google Plus Page]

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ugh. Laundry. Hate it so much and why does my child always NEED the one damn pair of pants that I haven't shoved in the washer yet because she didn't give them to me to wash in the first place???

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  19. Christian at PCPPPMay 20, 2013 at 8:20 PM

    A couple of weeks ago for her birthday, my parents got my daughter a doll house with some of these same figures that star in ATDT. I was close to excitedly saying "Hey those are the same figures that are in As The Dollhouse Turns!!!" but quickly realized that, as a three year old, she probably hasn't read your blog. She's not very cultured.

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  20. Oh, yes. Yes to all. I hate my laundry life. I suck at it and have no interest in getting better. Also, what is this comment platform? It's pretty.

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  21. You'd think, with the tons of clothes these kids have, they'd never lack something to wear. I get this a lot with socks. "Mom, I don't have any clean socks to wear," only to find a wad of 5000 socks shoved between their bed and the wall.

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  22. I suppose I'll let it slide, but I won't pretend my feelings aren't hurt.

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  23. Likewise! And the new comment-a-ma-jig is Disqus - I'm glad to hear you say you like it, since it's hard to tell if it's same/better/worse for readers. It's much easier from my end, but I SUPPOSE I'm not the only person who matters (in this particular case).

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  24. I never used to be able to fit my rugs in the washer, what with the bodies being rolled up in them and all, but all that's changed now that I'm out of the mafia! Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that - DAMMIT!

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  25. How sweet of you - thanks for being here!

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  26. I absolutely ADORE stalker-ish love! I try not to sneak into other people's houses too much, because if they're people I'm going to relate to I figure my feet will probably stick to the floor. Obviously I provide *myself* with plenty of filth- and slacking-related inspiration. ;) Thanks for giving me a smile right back!

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  27. I like to think my closet could be that tidy if I only ever wore one outfit, since things would fit in there better. Unfortunately I'd still have that single outfit in every size from 6 to 18, so I'm guessing the closet would be a wreck anyway.

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  28. My girls are terrible dirty clothing creators. every activity requires a change of wardrobe... I don't what game or awards show they think they are hosting but whatev. I just pull the stuff out of the basket and put it back in their drawer. they never know the difference.
    but I am filing away that Fe-breeze dryer trick for future reference.

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  29. One Classy MothaMay 21, 2013 at 10:15 PM

    Have you been spying on me?

    I NEVER separate, reasoning that cold water is the great equalizer.

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  30. This is officially my favorite daytime drama!!

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  31. I am dying. You had me at the second graphic. And I want to come stay at the Hollow Tree Hotel. NOW.

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  32. I hear you on the multiple wardrobe changes! Putting the "dirty" clean clothes back in the drawers is a water-saving, sanity-saving excellent parenting hack - I'm doing that from now on!

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  33. I need "Cold water is the great equalizer" embroidered on a pillow *immediately*.

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  34. The fake towels are the best part - the rest of that hotel is a total crap shack. No kids allowed though, so... I'll take note of your reservation. ;)

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  35. Susan the Domestic DivaMay 24, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Another great episode!

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  36. I am totally in love with you right now!!! Love this! And I love all the detail!!!!

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  37. This is so hysterical!!!!! Because, it's true. I am the worlds worst at laundry!

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  38. I am, too - seriously. My husband does ours, otherwise we'd have to buy new clothes every week. ;)

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  39. I've been known to go buy underwear instead of doing laundry...

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  40. This made my day. Just hilarious. You are pure genious.

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  41. Now THERE'S something I can never hear too much - thank you!!!

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  42. This is nice information blog. Thanks for Sharing.

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  43. This episode is superb. It resonates soundly with me because SUNNY WASTES HER TIME ON THE INTERNET THE SAME WAY I DO! Mark this down as the day my life has been portrayed by a plastic doll. DAMMIT! Ellen (There is no shame in Febreze.)

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  44. Wow, this is the most creative blog post I've ever seen. The doll is fantastic! I'm so sharing this one.

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  45. What a wonderful thing to say - thanks so much for sharing! :D

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?