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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns - Birthday Party

Episode 20:


Sunny and Betty are having lunch while Char and Chenille are at school.

This liquid diet has been so easy to stick with!

"I can't believe Chenille is already six!" Sunny takes another swig of lunch and shakes her head.

"Well, the party sounds like it's going to be great."

"I hope so," says Sunny. "All the other kids in her class have had these amazing cash-stravaganzas - I don't know how the parents manage it. Did you know you can pay Cirque du Soleil to perform in your yard? Or rent all the balloons from the Macy's parade? One of her classmates had helicopter rides!?!"

"Damn, why don't I ever get invited to these things?" Betty asks, pouring herself another glass of lunch.

"Because you don't have kids, dummy. Anyway, I just want Chenille's birthday to be special. That's why I've spent months on Pinterest finding all the mermaid-related foods, decorations, and activities I can. This place is going to be EXPLODING with mermaids."

"Gross."

"You know what I mean."

"Well, she'll love it. Mermaids have been her favorite thing for as long as I can remember."

Later that afternoon....

"Mom, we're home!"


"Guess what!" Chenille prompts. "I don't like mermaids anymore. Mermaids are for babies. Now I like Justin Bieber!" With that, she runs off to change for her party.


Sunny tries to imagine how she can completely change the theme of the party within the next thirty minutes. The starfish cookies could just be stars, right? And maybe she could break the tail off the mermaid cake topper... add an icing microphone and pretend it's the Biebs? He kind of looks like a girl anyway. She starts planning how she'll revamp all the ocean-related decorations as she opens the fridge...


Surely her eyes must deceive her. No mermaid treats? Buzz must've moved them, she reasons. He'd just had the guys over last night, and all that girly food was taking up valuable fridge space he probably needed for beer. She dialed his number.

"Honey, what happened to Chenille's party food?


"Oh, is that today...?"

"YES, your daughter's birthday is today." Sunny rolls her eyes so hard they almost get lodged in her brain stem. "Where's all that food I made for the party?"

"Was that for the party? The guys came over to watch an ESPN special about the Miami Dolphins' 1972 perfect season last night. I thought you made all that dolphin food for us!"

"THOSE WEREN'T DOLPHINS, YOU IDIOT. DON'T YOU KNOW A MERMAID WHEN YOU SEE ONE?" Sunny screams at no one, since she'd already hung up on Buzz.

Sunny will have to settle for plain streamers and no cake topper. Guests will have to settle for stale blueberry muffins and the chicken Sunny had saved to have for dinner later. She sets everything up just as the first guest arrives.

"Cindy's here!" Chenille yells, running to greet her friend. Sunny opens the door and sees Cindy's mom has her arms full.

"I didn't realize you had two younger daughters, too," Sunny says, smiling at the little babies.


"Yeah, I sure do. That's why I was so glad to get your invitation - I have a ton of errands to run, and I figured since you were going to have a full house anyway..."

Sunny's smile fades as Cindy's mom sets the two younger girls inside the door and turns toward the driveway. "See you in a few hours," the woman calls over her shoulder as she sprints back to her car.

Sunny heaves a heavy sigh, sends all the girls off to play, and returns to put the finishing touches on the snack table.


"Hey, who are you?" she asks the kid whose fingers are all over her muffin display.

"I live next door. I saw the balloons on your mailbox and figured you were having a party."

"But... What..." Sunny almost doesn't hear the doorbell ring over the sound of the boy sneezing loudly onto the snack table. Leaving him to infect the food supply with his plague germs, Sunny answers the door.

"Oh, hello Mr. Smith! I didn't realize Lucy was going to be able to come today - you know, since I didn't get a response to the RSVP request."

"Bye, honey!" Mr. Smith calls to his daughter, who runs into the house still wearing her muddy shoes. "Did you say something?" he asks Sunny.


"Oh, I was just..."

"Because I didn't hear you," he continues. "I'm on the phone." He points to his Bluetooth earpiece and leaves.

Sunny goes to check on the children, and finds the party already in full swing.

Music is playing from a sound system her children aren't allowed to touch. Kids are dancing Gangnam style to the Simon and Garfunkle album that happened to be in the CD player. Chenille is having a tantrum on the floor because one of the guests told her the invitation had specified "no gifts." With all the commotion, it takes Sunny a moment to notice the babies have gone completely Lord of the Flies.


Sunny secures the perimeter and starts some games to distract the children. She retreats to the kitchen but can still hear them bickering and complaining that euchre isn't a kid's game. Somehow she manages to ignore it.


She finds a box of cake mix and sets about making a new one - without mermaids or dolphins or Justin Bieber on it. She takes great satisfaction in dying the icing pink with beet juice, imagining the looks on all those little faces when she tells them they just ate vegetables.

Soon, everyone is gathered around, singing Happy Birthday.


One girl sticks her fingers two knuckles deep into the icing and starts licking it off halfway through the song, and all the kids decide to help Chenille blow her candles out, sending cascades of saliva across the cake. Sunny reminds herself to focus on the important things: Chenille seems happy, she won't be tempted to cheat on her diet with a piece of saliva cake, and all these brats will be going home soon.

One by one, the parents come to pick up their kids. Cindy's mom is last, which is just as well because Cindy was busy in the bathroom.


Finally all the partiers are gone, the girls are tucked into bed, and the mess is... well, the house is still a mess, but Sunny feels she deserves a break anyway. She eases her tired body onto the couch, glad the day is behind her. So much chaos. So many children. Thank goodness it's all over.

But wait...

"Whose kid are YOU???"
Thanks for joining Sunny and the gang on another episode of As The Dollhouse Turns! If you're so inclined, you can check out all the episodes here and visit their brand new Facebook page - go ahead, I'll save you some cake.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


55 comments:

  1. I love the dollhouse family almost as much as my own. This is perfect and hilarious and so spot-on. I've been to these parties.

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    1. Me too - I think I've run into you there. Thanks for sharing your flask.

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  2. Maybe if Sunny shared some of her lunch with the party guests they be a little less unruly and a little more passed out.

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    1. "a little more passed out" - YES, that's exactly what kids' parties need!

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  3. Man, I swear I just had that party=)

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  4. Um, I'm laughing at the above comment from anonymous. And I'm pretty sure I just burned at least 1200 calories laughing inside the dollhouse. Very fun one! I started twitching thinking about my son's first birthday party which is just around the corner...and I think Sunny and the gang just convinced me that we're having it at a public location. :)

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    1. Dang, I wish I'd seen your comment, and I wouldn't have deleted the spam - I was actually kind of excited to be told I shouldn't take in fewer than 1200 calories/day, even if anonymous's information is usually suspect at best.

      A public location is advisable, especially if you have light-colored carpet. Just make sure there's a high fence so you don't lose anyone. :)

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  5. OMFG. We're still too little to have no parents at the birthday party, but I kind of live in fear of that... It's coming soon!

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    1. I'm a terrible mom, because we've never actually let the kids invite a bunch of friends to their parties. Technically they've never expressed an interest, but that's probably because they know I'm too mean to say yes. ;)

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  6. We hosted a big kid party for my son's 5th birthday at our house last month and the one thing I took away from it was that we are never doing that again.

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    1. Lesson learned, eh? I hope you took lots of pictures - just blow them up and tape them to the walls next year and tell him everyone has laryngitis.

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  7. We had a party with a bounce house for my son's 3rd birthday. I kept finding cheetos in the Legos bin for days.

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    1. Hahahaha - that's something they never warn you about!

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  8. I have six months until I host my next kids party, all of which go pretty much like this one. And euchre? Totally a kids game!

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    1. In the midwest, babies are born asking, "What's trump again?"

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    2. You can always tell the Indiana kids at a poker table. They're the ones trying to pass off the jacks as the high cards.

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    3. I love this thread! Euchre is a staple in party entertainment... Regardless of age ;-)

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    4. Agreed! Now if only I'd stop getting the left and right bowers confused...

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  9. This made me guffaw. I especially loved the line...

    "Betty asks, pouring herself another glass of lunch." :)

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    1. Once you switch to the liquid lunch diet, you never go back. Mostly because you start forgetting things and passing out a lot.

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  10. Found you on Honest Blog and I have to say, this is a little bit brilliant! I will definitely be coming back!

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    1. Yay, you're my new favorite - thank you! :)

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  11. Um, yeah. That actually happened to me & now I'm suing you for intelectual property rights. Kidding. But I do wonder where you find your inspirations for these stories. I actually did have a parent drop her kid at my house (in preschool) and say she'd be back - she had some errands to run. She was gone for like 5 hours. Started to wonder if she was ever coming back.

    Oh, and, why didn't Sunny feed them roast pork? I saw a whole suckling pig in her refrigerator.

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    1. Hahaha, I couldn't resist photoshopping that little light-activated fridge oinker in there. :)

      It sounds like you were a victim of an unauthorized, unpaid babysitting job. I didn't know that was really a thing - now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go drop my kids off someplace for several hours. Maybe even with someone we know!

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    2. My dad is a genius. He suggests dropping my kids in any neighborhood Sunday school so my husband and I can begin enjoying an adults only Sunday brunch ritual.They won't turn kids away, right? ;-) Safe, free childcare, lol!

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    3. You just blew my mind - I get Sunday mornings back! Woot!

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  12. Ohhhh....Cindy's mom: bad form!! bad form indeed.

    so aggravating when people don't RSVP. cause then I don't have enough loot bags. have fun explaining to your kid.

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    1. Except they never do explain it to the kid, because the parent is looong gone and just assumes you never bothered to make treat bags, a delicious piece of gossip she'll be sure to bring up at the next PTA meeting.

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  13. You nailed it with Lord of the Flies and securing the perimeter. Unfortunately? :) Ellen

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    1. It's all fun and games until they start a perfectly innocent game of keep-away with someone's glasses, eh? ;)

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    2. and the pig comes up again. #assmar

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  14. I hosted a sleepover for my girl's 5th birthday party. With 7 girls.

    It was pure hell.

    So I *loved* this post. Thank you for the laughs!

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    1. Thank you for stopping by to read, during what I can only assume is your continued, lengthy sleepover recovery!

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  15. HOLY CRAP. The story alone is hilarious, but the way you illustrate it with the photos!! I feel like I've been to that party before...over and over and over. I love you so hard, and your dollhouse family.

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    1. The one redeeming thing about a party like this is... Wait, there is no redeeming thing about it, except that it's fictional (this time). <3

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  16. We moved from Texas to Utah 2 months before my daughter's 6th birthday. I let her invite her whole class (25 kids) because I figured AT BEST half would come since no one knew us. Guess who was wrong. This lady. I neglected to consider that most of the families have a LOT of kids and would jump at the chance to get rid of one of them for a couple of hours on a Saturday. So, yeah. ALL 25 kids showed up. And all the parents left them. At my house. For 2 hours.

    We've since set a 5 kid limit on birthday parties.

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    1. Yikes! Yet another perfect example of why I don't allow my children to make friends. ;)

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    2. We let them make friends... out of Play-Doh.

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  17. This is GENIUS. Loved the pictures and a great, great story. The Bearded Iris mentioned this segment on Facebook and I now have it bookmarked. Plan to read every episode. Thanks so much!!

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    1. Thank you! You have no idea how much that brightens my night, said the woman whose baby has been screaming at her for 40 minutes and really needed a pick-me-up. And she hasn't even been dangling from streamers, so I don't know WHAT her problem is. ;)

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  18. Sunny rolls her eyes so hard they almost get lodged in her brain stem...

    I laughed at this line for a good 20 minutes. Just discovered your blog and I read all of the Dollhouse posts in one sitting! SO funny!

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    1. I'm so glad you enjoyed them - thank you!!! :)

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  19. I think I caught a reference to me in this episode.

    ... whose fingers are all over her muffin display.

    Well, you knew I wasn't Buzz and his Dolphins party. Nothing good comes out of Miami. Except Moons Over My Hammy, but that doesn't

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    1. I'm not surprised you caught the muffin reference. ;)

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  20. we just recently celebrated my daughter's third birthday. after i had sent out the invites, my roommate asks me, "you remembered to put on there that parents aren't to drop off their children and that you can't be a babysitter right?" i was like, OMG people actually do that?!?!?! i got a bit panicky on the day of the party, fully prepared to chain parents to something bolted to the facility to ensure they wouldn't dump their kids and bail. luckily everyone stayed. and, of course, i made a note for myself that for next year's invitations, there will be a line at the bottom that says "unless you want your child(ren) to be supplied with copious amounts of sugar-laden candy and toys that make obnoxiously loud noises to take home with them, please prepare to stay with your child for the duration of the party." you know, for security purposes. :)

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    1. I lol'ed at your threat! You could make two types of goody bags - one with sugar-free candy and coloring books and cash, and another one like you described - and display them near the door labeled "for parents who stay" and "for parents who I will secretly hate forever." :)

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  21. Reminds me of the year I told my sister I'd make a cake for my nephew's birthday. She told me to make SpongeBob. I spent a lot of time, but I was quite proud of my SpongeBob cake. When it came time for the unveiling of the cake, my nephew peeled his hands away from his eyes to look and declared, "Mom, I wanted BOB THE BUILDER, not SPONGEBOB!"

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    1. Nooooooooooooo! I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't laugh so hard at that, but I can't help it. :)

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  22. This is my new favorite thing!!

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