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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Tiny, Ironic Dancer

Do moments in your life ever intersect in such a way that, as the connection between the two events suddenly dawns on you, so does a simultaneous flood of irony?

Too cryptic? Maybe I should give you an example.


When I was a young-un, I took tap dancing lessons. I remember very little about it, aside from the enthusiastic daily practice performances to which I subjected my family. I also remember avocado green carpeting taking pretty much 100% of the "tap" out of tap dancing. Oh, and I still remember all the lyrics to Animal Crackers. I also remember the costume, which my mother made by hand.

Age 4 - the last time I wore lipstick

Yes, she sewed on each of those sequins individually. Because she's a saint, that's why.

Which brings us, without segue, to the following announcement:


I was chosen to be in the cast of Listen To Your Mother, Indianapolis in May!



In case you've been living under a rock like I was until recently, LTYM is a national event held annually in multiple cities to celebrate Mother's Day. Writers audition, and the selected cast members read their essay about motherhood in front of a bunch of people who hopefully won't boo and/or hiss or throw under-ripe produce. Then the whole shebang is put on their fancy YouTube channel, where whatever I end up doing to inadvertently humiliate myself on stage will available for public scrutiny for all of eternity. Yay!

Maybe I should crawl back under that rock now.

But before I do that, I'll finish my story. Since the essay I'll be reading has sort of a dancing theme, it occurred to me that sooner or later, someone might ask if I have a background in dance. Unfortunately, the only dance experience I have is clumsily shuffle-ball-changing to Animal Crackers at age 4. Why didn't I continue dancing, you ask?

I'll tell you why. Because, though I loved dancing in the privacy of my own home, I apparently did not  love dancing in front of a crowd of strangers. I full-on freaked out at the recital, was reduced to a blubbery sobbing mess, and refused to go on the stage, opting instead to cling to my mother desperately backstage.

Wait - isn't reading the stuff I write one of the things I usually only do in the privacy of my own home, and even then, only inside my own head? And where will I be reading my essay, again?

Oh yeah, on a stage. In front of a crowd of strangers.

Luckily, mothers are awesome, and strong, and patient, and funny, and often a little frustrated (often rightfully so), but forgiving. Which is sort of the theme of the whole LTYM show, and also means that I'll probably sneak my mother backstage again this time. Let the blubbery sobbing begin!

Maybe she'll even sew some sequins onto my yoga pants for the occasion.

If you're going to be around Indianapolis on May 2, I'd love it if you came to the show! You can see bios for the cast members here, tickets are on sale here, and part of the proceeds go to charity. The rest of the proceeds go toward me having my head examined.
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


36 comments:

Jenn @ Mommy Needs A Martini said...

Congrats on LTYM! I can't wait to see you freak the freak out.. I mean, you're gonna knock em dead! ;)

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks! I'll be the one with maxi pads under my arms to absorb the stress sweat.

kc said...

One word - Xanax.

You'll be fabulous, my friend. I'll be there with bells on...and with my pharmacy and maxi pads. xoxo

Robyn Welling said...

I'm counting on you to be my friendly neighborhood Walgreens, kc, and then distract me after the show with an inappropriate amount of alcohol. ;)

Carisa Miller said...

I'm sorry, did you write something after the photo? I also (only) wore lipstick and sequins as a child. The lipstick was drawn into circles on my cheeks to make me look like a doll. Fun!

A big congratulations on your upcoming public embarrass...ahem, speaking debut. You will be wonderful!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Crying can actually work to your advantage when speaking in front of people. It causes them to feel sympathy for you which in turns makes them want to support you. Anytime I'm giving a presentation at work I always try to throw in a few tears.

The Dose of Reality said...

Congratulations!!! I wish I was close by so I could come! And that COSTUME!! Your mom is awesome. I sew and I can't imagine the time that took. What a trooper!! :) Good luck!! --Lisa

Jen Provenzano said...

Congrats! That is awesome! Well deserved! You are soooo one of my faves! And I may or may not have a similarly-sequined monstrosities in an attic somewhere... You'll knock 'em dead, I'm sure!

ilikebeerandbabies.com said...

I have bee under a rock but CONGRATS! Will you wear the sequined outfit to the reading? At least the hat?

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks! I might do that lipstick on the cheeks thing - that way when I pass out I won't look so pale. ;)

Robyn Welling said...

Good policy! I'll remind myself of this logic as I nervous-cry through my performance.

Robyn Welling said...

If I made a costume like that for one of my kids, I'd never feed them again so they wouldn't grow out of it. Okay, I'd feed them, but nothing nutritious. Just Twinkies. Wait, now I'm starting to wish my mom had done that!

Robyn Welling said...

This comment makes me so happy - thank you!!! Any chance your sequined monstrosity is adult sized and mostly elastic? None of my nice clothes fit me anymore...

Robyn Welling said...

Thank you! Believe me, if I still had them I'd be tempted. The hat, especially - it goes with everything. ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is really awesome!! I hadn't heard of LTYM -- going to check to see if it's going to be around me. You'll do great. Maybe get the scented maxi pads to keep under your arms. :)

Mackenzie
Raising Wild Things

The Third Partier said...

the only inappropriate amount of alcohol for distracting is none.

The Third Partier said...

i just want to eat you up.

Robyn Welling said...

I like the way you think! Powder fresh AND dry as a bone. :)

Robyn Welling said...

Yes, please!

Robyn Welling said...

That's the truth.

Amy FunnyIsFamily said...

My three year old saw your picture over my shoulder, and now she's asking for lipstick. I hope I can find something close to your Lady of the Night Red for her!

Break a leg at LTYM!

Karen said...

Oops, I accidentally replied to the last person. Anywho, good luck at LTYM. I bought tickets for my mom to see it, but it's a little bit north of where you'll be in NW Indiana. I hope it's a wonderful experience for you! Hope you blog about it.

Jen said...

Hmm...I think you'll do great. Older and wiser and not wearing a little sequined costume and lipstick, right?

Robyn Welling said...

If they still carry it, I think it was Tiny Streetwalker by Maybelline. And thanks!

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks, I'm sure I will!

I'll actually have to practically pass by LTYM NW Indiana on my way to Indy - I have some friends reading in that one, so I know it's going to be a great show! Hope your mom enjoys it. :D

Robyn Welling said...

The sequined costume is tempting, but there's no way I'm wearing lipstick. ;)

TNMom said...

Congratulations!! I will anxiously await the youtube posting! What a great thing for moms!! I think you will do great. :)

I have a very similar picture but mine didn't have a tutu, I was just in bloomers...LOL and I was like 10 so I really should have known better!

Great job lady! So proud of you! <3 Devan

Rory Bore said...

Congratulations! Wish I could see this, but being in Canada, it's a bit of a drive. I am sure you'll do just fine....just remember before you go out: "red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather"

Oh, I mean you SAY that phrase...not that you wear red and yellow leather.
Although...that would be AWESOME! :)

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks so much!!! I'm going to look into some adult size bloomers for the show, which might hide the fact that my legs will be completely made of cooked spaghetti noodles. I'll post the YouTube vid as soon as it's available, unless I look too much like an idiot in it, in which case let's just pretend this never happened.

Robyn Welling said...

Red and yellow leather will be the perfect accent for my sequins! (I'm assuming you mean leather *chaps*, right?) Thanks for the vote of confidence! :)

Adrienn TUJ said...

You will do great! Congrats!

Robyn Welling said...

Thank you!!!

Anonymous said...

That's awesome! Congrats!

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks! :)

Kelly @ In the Mom Light Blog said...

Awww you were probably so cute as a 4 year old backstage and nervous... my sister was the one throwing up in the garbage can out of nerves lol! I was the drunk one (ok I was 9 not 4 then, but that's neither here nor there). Anyway, do you live in Indy? Congrats :-)

Robyn Welling said...

Thanks! I grew up in Indy, and at the time I auditioned it didn't seem like it'd be too far to drive - be in the show, see some old friends, good times. Now that the first rehearsal is today, I'm not so sure. ;)

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