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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Proof I'm Listening to My Mother

In honor of Mother's Day coming up next month, and my appearance in the live reading extravaganza Listen To Your Mother on May 2 in Indianapolis (and the fact that we're having our first rehearsal today) (Yipes!), and of course most importantly in honor of my very own mother, I'm going to share 10 things she has taught me.

things I learned from my mother

Don't get me wrong, she's taught me lots more than 10 things. Heck, she's taught me hundreds of things about gardening alone, but I suck at gardening so I typically forget all that stuff immediately. I also forget how to make soft boiled eggs even though she's told me a dozen times, I can't remember if she has a particular stance on solving the global financial crisis, and I was covering my ears and yelling "LALALA" if she ever gave me advice about feminine hygiene.



However, there are certain things my mom has said through the years that (unlike information regarding which plants are perennials and which prefer shade and which will die if I don't water them for two years) have really stuck with me. And while the things that've stuck with me probably number in the bazillions, I'm going to limit this list to ten because I don't want to injure the internet or cause you irreparable eyestrain by typing them all out.

Maybe your own mama has taught you some of this stuff, too. Or maybe you'll learn something new. Maybe you already stopped reading at the mention of Mother's Day because you forgot about it and you're wondering if you still have time to order flowers (yes, you do). But one thing about this list is for sure: from now on, my mom has proof I was listening. At least some of the time.

things I learned from my mother

This is why you should listen to your mother - face it, she's always right. That guy she said was scum, but you didn't believe her because you were in pink-puffy-heart-LOVE? He was scum. Thought your life was over because the cool kids made fun of you? Nope, Mom was right - they were just jealous of your awesomeness. Did it seem far fetched when she told you that everything comes back in style eventually? Of course it did, but just take three steps into Target today and your eyes are instantly assaulted by neon yellow racer-back tank tops that clearly arrived on the loading dock via a DeLorean sent from 1985.

So sure, I might not have been paying attention if she ever advised me on whether or not potatoes need to be scrubbed before boiling (Dirt has minerals in it, right?), and I don't really know her views on the Bieber/Gomez breakup (I suspect she doesn't care), but that doesn't mean I wasn't listening.

The important stuff? It's all there.
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As for Listen To Your Mother, if you're going to be on or around the Indianapolis general vicinity on May 2, and you're neither a creepy stalker nor someone who hates me and would like to publicly sabotage my efforts to not look like an idiot on stage, I'd love for you to come see the show! Tickets are on sale here - hurry now, because prices go up on April 15th!

Also, as a bonus, some of the other writers who'll be at LTYM Indianapolis have agreed to play my reindeer games and post their own lists of things they learned from their mamas (I told  you they were cool). I'll add them as they're published, so check out their posts below and read their bios to see what kinds of people they were before they were forced to spend multiple hours with Real World me! So far we have...

Hillary at Midwestern Berliners
Amy at The Fourth Frog Blog
Amber at Amber Page Writes
Katrina at KatrinaAnneWillis.com

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


27 comments:

  1. I can't stop laughing. Your mom was SO RIGHT. Especially about the lint trap, and the apple, and the black ice...about EVERYTHING. I'll just answer with a "yes, ma'am" Good luck at the reading in May!! --Lisa

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    1. Thanks, Lisa! I know, it took me a lot of years to figure it out, but my mom's a pretty smart lady. And I'm not just saying that because she agreed to babysit tonight!

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  2. Love this! I just used the apple line on my kid the other day!

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    1. I always hated that line, until the first time I ever babysat. I cut up an apple for the kid and was being very careful (read: slow) and when the girl complained I told her the brown part never hurt anybody, before I'd even thought about it. That was the first moment when I realized I was becoming my mom. :)

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  3. These are AWESOME. I'm obsessive about the lint trap. And agree on the apples (and bananas for that matter).

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    1. I'm obsessive about it, too. Because, well, FIRES. I'm not a big fan of those. ;)

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  4. I think my mom and your mom would get along nicely.

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  5. Your mother is clearly a genious!

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  6. "A little brown on a cut apple never hurt anybody"

    I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that can start a fire too.

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    1. I've never tested that theory, but there's a high likelihood that you're right. Most things do, as I understand it.

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  7. Yep, he was scum. Love this! Just read it to my Mom as she is sitting next to me...

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    1. Aww, that really makes me smile. Thanks!

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  8. How do moms ALWAYS know the bad apples are bad. Is it the haunting of their own bad apple karma from their mom? Mother always knows best. Sadly, we don't know that until we become mothers ourselves and then no one listens to a damn word we say and then, our moms laugh. Moms. Psssshhhhhhffft.

    Your lists are always killer. KILLER.

    P.S. My lint trap is clean thanks to you.

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    1. I'm happy to help keep your home lint and fire free in any way I can.

      And yes, not being listened to when we know best is definitely payback for not listening to our own smart mamas when we should've. Damn karma.

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  9. And here I was really excited about possibly getting some great gardening tips.
    oh well....better go check that lint trap.
    It's on the furnace...right?

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    1. It's in the basement somewhere, I'm pretty sure. Right next to my crispy, brown potted plants.

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  10. Black Ice is everywhere! She's right! I slipped twice this winter! She's clearly a smart momma.

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  11. Also in line with #3: a broken up cookie still tastes like a cookie. As an adult, I now break my sweets into 1/4s on purpose so they aren't swallowed whole. "Yeah! Now I have FOUR cookies!"

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    1. I'm so doing that from now on! Except it might backfire with healthy food. "There are like, a thousand pieces of lettuce in this salad. I can't eat all those! I'd better have four small cookies instead..."

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  12. Great list Robyn, and have fun at Listen to Your Mother! You'll do great!

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