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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Excuse me while I powder my nose.

It's been a long time since I've been to a bar (or out of the house in general), but as I recall, the worst parts were always the ladies' rooms. They. Were. Horrible.

I'm not just talking about the wetness on the floor, which you could only pray was water from the sink or a spilled beer. Nor am I referring to the empty toilet paper rolls dangling uselessly next to overflowing bins of tampon wrappers. Yes, those were gross, but sometimes there was something lurking in there that was even worse.

The ladies themselves.

Now hang on a minute, I'm not hating on all my fellow females - just the mean ones. Back then I always dreaded finding a clutch of women batting their eyelashes at themselves in the mirror, tossing their glorious tresses, applying 87 coats of lip gloss and giggling conspiratorially over the broken soap dispensers. The ones I'm specifically classifying as Worse Than a Clogged Commode would fall silent, watch you shuffle by, and then start giggling again as you clicked the lock on the stall door.

What the hell, ladies?!?

I'm not saying it happened all the time, but the Judgy McJudgersons are everywhere, so it's bound to happen to most people sooner or later. And it doesn't feel so great.

At least it got better as we got older, right? RIGHT? Well, yes, to a certain degree, since now I just don't care if someone giggles (or laughs right in my face) in the ladies' room. But as adults, there's still some nasty backbiting that goes on between girls. The McJudgersons are still out there, but instead of caring about your bar-fabulous hair or clothes, they suddenly have an opinion about your parenting - and now they're changing the game.

I'm thrilled to have been invited over to In the Powder Room today to talk about the New Mommy Wars! Find out who's fighting who these days - and who the real  enemy is. You don't even need to roll up the hem your pants - they keep things classy over there. Well, okay, not classy,  but definitely clean. Well, wait, not necessarily clean,  but hygienic. I promise you'll like it - In the Powder Room gals only giggle with you, not at you, and there's always somebody willing to spare a square. Lip gloss optional. See you there!



I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


12 comments:

  1. This post made me LOL! I remember my college bar days and those type of girls. I always laughed at them by the end of the night when I would see them fall on their face because of their fabulous heels they wore to the bar. At least I had a better chance of staying upright in my jeans and flip flops.

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    1. You sound like my kind of bar pal! I totally forgot about watching the 2am drunken stumble in 3-inch heels - ha! Good times. ;)

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  2. Loved the powder room post. I shared and another one of my mommy friends shared...obviously a very intelligent one. :) <3 Devan

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    1. Thanks so much, Devan! I know you only have the highest quality mommy friends. :)

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  3. Wow your Powder Room post is so good, but this is hilarious. Even your intros are good. Ellen

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    1. And your comments (in addition to all your other writing) are so good! Commenting on the post *and* the intro gets you extra (only partially creepy) hugs. :)

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  4. Now, we judge our fellow females diaper changing skills, or who can keep her kids' grimy fingers off the public toilet seat...
    P.S. Break a leg in Indianapolis. It would be fun to hear your real "voice!"

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    1. Yeah, but only if we aren't busy digging our own children out of the trash can and yelling at them to quit playing with the hand dryer. ;)

      Thanks so much! The whole show will be on YouTube after all the cities have had their shows, so I'll post a link when it's up!

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  5. Haha- I just went to a bar yesterday and I was like- what the heck are these girls doing in the bathroom. I felt so misplaced:)

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    1. Glad I'm not alone! Seems like the most important accessory to wear at the bar is thick skin. ;)

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  6. That's funny. The men's restroom is a remarkably civil place in comparison. Don't get me wrong - the floor is awash in what is almost certainly "filtered beer" and you would have to have graduated magna cum laude from The Fear Factor to sit down on a toilet in there, but no one is congregating and/or giggling at anyone else. If they are then they are the ones eyed with suspicion and/or derision. The whole thing is an exercise in getting in and out as quickly as possible without making eye contact or speaking. A man should not talk to another man whilst those men are "handling" restroom-grade matters.

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    1. Well that's it - I'm using the men's room from now on! Although, then we'll probably have a whole new set of problems.

      P.S. You're funny. Will you marry me?

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