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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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My Stupidity: a gift to the future

When I was a teenager, I thought I knew everything.

Then I hit my mid-20's and must've really  matured (eye roll) because, having finally mastered Life, I suddenly recognized that I actually didn't know anything in my teens.

Now, of course, I can see what an idiot I was in my 20's, too. I can only assume this trend continues, with Youth always thinking it's really smart, only to discover a few years later that they weren't nearly as clever as they thought.

This comforts me to no end, since I often feel like a moron and it gives me hope that I'll be smarter one day. Like maybe in my seventies.

I mean, I'm smarter now than I was in my 20's, for sure, but some days I'll smell something strange at 11 pm and realize the oven has been on since dinner - on those days, I find myself wishing I'd made a list of things I thought I knew at age 20, so that I could cheer myself up about the current condition of my gray matter by reading it and laughing derisively at how stupid and naive I was back then.

Well, today's my birthday (cue balloon drop, and yes, I do accept cash gifts) and I'm giving Future Me a present. Here's a list of ten things I know today, at age thirty-somethingmumblemumble - I plan to reread it when I'm old(er) and use it as a reminder of how dumb I used to be (now).

Hopefully by then I'll be a little wiser, so I can look back at the idiot I am today and get a little ego boost by feeling totally superior to myself. If I'm not any smarter at that point, well... never mind, I don't think that's possible.


Oh yeah. I feel better already. Well, I will. Someday. When I'm smarter.

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44 comments:

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! You know I mean it because I used all capital letters, which I only reserve for BIG things like the birthday of cool people or something to do with food.

    And if I had $1 for every time I walked out of the house with Fancy Nancy stickers stuck to my butt, well, I wouldn't have any money, which is already the case. But it's good to know!

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    1. I'd be pretty concerned if you had any major issues with Fancy Nancy stickers. :) THANK YOU for the all-caps bday wishes - I truly appreciate the genuine, upper case enthusiasm!

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  2. I don't guess this would be the time to enlighten you on 10 things you will know in your 50's, is it? LOL! I enjoyed your post. I know most women will identify with your top 10. (If they're honest, that is).

    Have a great day. Have a cookie and don't forget to check your doorknob.

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    1. I don't know if I should be terrified or thrilled at the prospect of what I might (not) know in my 50s! Thanks so much for the happy wishes. :)

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  3. For me it's the "abby cadabby" stickers. I loved this but I think it applies to my 20's which I leave in 3 weeks.

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    1. Yup, I'd say the list was probably very similar in my 20s - though I think that means I haven't learned anything in the last decade...

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  4. I know most of these things but keep doing them anyway. Please don't make me repeat my twenties...I'll study hard, go to summer school, anything but that. Haaaapy Birthday!

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    1. I wouldn't redo my 20s either, and that's a fact! Yet even in my 30s I keep doing all this dumb stuff, too, so I'm not sure how much good ten years did me. ;)

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    2. I'd say you're a damn sight smarter now than you were ten years ago. Heck, even six years ago... *cough cough*

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  5. I'm 78 & I know everything! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

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    1. I know you do, Fishducky! Thank you - if you feel like giving me a gift, I'd love love LOVE for you to tell me everything you know. Just start at the beginning and keep talking. :)

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  6. So if your future self is going to come back and read this list does that also mean your future self will be replying to the comments? If so, could future Robyn tell me who wins the next several Super Bowls? I'm wanting to make some "investments".

    P.S. Happy Birthday Robyn and Future Robyn!

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    1. I don't think that's going to come up, because my assumption is that the Internet is going to rise up before then and kill us all. BUT, if it helps, I'd suggest putting your money on anyone but the Bengals.

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  7. Happy Birthday to you! I usually top out my "ten things" lists at 7, so you're two items smarter than me! P.S. I think fishducky up there should enlighten us.

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    1. I should learn to just start off with a list of 4 or 5 things, then when I thought of 7 I'd feel like a total overachiever. :) And I agree about Fishducky - make with the secrets!

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  8. I hollered at my husband just yesterday for taking my keys out of the doorknob. It's where I leave them, and he thinks it is "unsafe" and "irresponsible". How am I supposed to find them if they aren't in their spot?!

    Happy birthday to you!

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    1. They have no respect for our complicated, well thought out organization systems, do they???

      Thanks, too. :)

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  9. You know....after almost 2 years, those creases on the curtains are so faint you don't notice them much. (I'm doing an expirement here!)

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    1. You're my kind of decorator! I can say for sure that the creases don't come completely out of some curtains after 4 years (diningroom cough cough), but you stop noticing the creases after just a few months, which is good enough for me :)

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  10. You may have learned these things in your 30's, but I'm still having problems with most of these in my 40's. And I totally disagree with #7. I think my Mother In Law checks all kinds of things to whip out my imperfections at completely inappropriate times, and I have had to sit through her Fitted Sheet Folding 101 lesson several times. Hence why I warn my toddlers that they are about to get their noses wiped when she's the one doing it.

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  11. These are all SO TRUE! I don't care what your 70yo self says, you're brilliant.

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    1. And THAT is why my 37yo self is more than a little smitten with you. ;)

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  12. Happy, happy Birthday to a fabulous, funny woman who indeed knows everything. Especially # 6.
    If you already know all of this now,you are basically 9/10ths of the way to full Buddha-esque enlightenment. I hope your birthday was wonderful.

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    1. Thanks, sister wife! I feel like #6 maybe makes up for not knowing a lot of other stuff. ;)

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  13. Brilliant! Happy Birthday!!!!
    You know (and I am sure you thought of it too), with the keys in the door talk, it remided me of my favorite blog post of all time (besides yours of course)....

    My husband has come home to find I've left both sliding van doors open. In the rain. And has walked up the deck to discover the keys. In the door. On the same day. What's missing...besides my brain? The sign that says: "Free Van and Family!"

    By none other than the great and powerful, Bethany.
    http://badparentingmoments.blogspot.com/2012/07/hello-is-it-keys-youre-looking-for.html?m=1

    I don't know if anyone will catch what I did there...that post had the scarecrow from the wizard of Oz and I said great and....oh nevermind.
    Let's see what we learn in our next 10!! (I will not say the F word! We can just call it 30's PLUS)
    <3 Devan

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    1. THAT ^^^ is a great blog post! And I absolutely adore 30's PLUS - it sounds sooo much better, like the awesomeness of 30's fortified with kickass.

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  14. Great list. I totally hear ya! And Happy Birthday!!

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  15. ~happy happy happy birthday dear robyn~ :) i figure since you've made it this far you should just be happy that by the time one hits 70 ones hindsight is prolly gonna be as bad as ones regular sight SO you should start keeping a journal now but pretend it's 20 year old you. Then, when you look back and read it, you'll be all I WAS AMAZING! That's my gift to you ;)

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    1. Shannon, my MIL and I were just talking the other day about how full of good ideas you are (she'd just seen one of our exchanges about t shirts) and I see it continues to be true - excellent advice! ;) Also, I'm hoping by the time I'm in my 70's they'll just be able to give you prescription lenses for your hindsight.

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  16. i was using my hindsight all evening. *cough*

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  17. A few days late but, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I too hit my mid thirties on Tuesday and often find my lost keys in the door. And well the really your whole list applies, must me something about the awesomeness those born on March 26.

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    1. Happy belated birthday to you, too! We March 26th-ers are an elite and incredibly awesome crew. :)

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  18. Happy Birthday!

    I leave my keys in the doorknob too. Even my kids now know to look there first when I can't find them, and yet I never think of it!

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    1. I think that's somewhere in the top 10 reasons to have kids. ;)

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  19. Happy birthday dear and thank you for sharing such wisdom with us. Just shared on my fb page.
    : ))

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    1. Aww, thanks and thanks! You're the awesomestest, Toulousey (I'm working on a better nickname for you). ;)

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  20. This is a great post! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I also gave it a "share". And Happy belated birthday.

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    1. Thanks so much - for the comment, and the share, and the birthday wishes! :)

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  21. Happy belated bday! I LOLed to #5; I've done that so many times.

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    1. Thanks! I did that the day I wrote this post, otherwise I never would've thought of it - because if I *remembered* that I did it, I'd probably stop doing it!

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