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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Cake-tastrophes

So it looks like, regardless of whether or not I approve, my baby boy is going to turn eleven. What a jerk.

I'm joking about the jerk thing, mostly (go ahead and delete that angry comment, those of you who already started typing). But my kids having birthdays really does bring up some personal issues for me. Such as...

painful reminders on my kid's birthday

I cannot over-emphasize the sucky cake decorating part. When Jake was about to turn four, I made a classic rookie parenting error - I asked for his input. Naturally I just wanted him to have the best celebration possible, so when I couldn't decide if he'd prefer chocolate or vanilla, I just asked him. "Honey, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?"

"Batman," he replied.

I'm an idiot, because then of course I had to draw a Bat Signal on top of his cake, which looked like some kind of anorexic winged vermin fell out of the sky into an oil slick and then got run over by an all-terrain vehicle. It ended up okay because I let him eat the whole cake with his hands and he started with the bat, which actually improved its appearance dramatically, but still - major fail.

Batman cake

I took several years off from attempting to doodle flying rodents or other beloved creature onto cakes, but by the time Jake turned eight, plain frosting with candles jutting out of it was getting kind of sad. At the last minute I realized I could just do a really simple decoration - I sprinkled powdered sugar on top in the shape of an eight. It was adorable.

Until we finished singing and he blew out the candles.

birthday cake blowout

Sadly, I didn't even see that coming.

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson regarding the classic birthday confection, but this year, yet again, I asked Jake what kind of cake he wanted. "Halo," came the immediate reply from a boy who clearly spends too much time playing video games.

Wish me luck. Here's the cake so far, which my mom kindly made and brought over so all I had to do was apply my homemade (yet to be created) Halo decoration.

Hollow Tree Ventures
My mom brought a cake over for Jake's bday - it, um, didn't travel well. Has anyone invented a frosting toupee yet?

So far, so good.

I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


24 comments:

  1. Your comment about calling him "baby boy" I don't think any parent could let that go. Although my girl is only almost 3, I can never see myself not calling her my baby girl...or "sugar butt" as I REALLY like to call her. And the baby weight, I haven't rid mine either.

    Good luck on the cake! Hope to see finished product photos!! =)

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    1. I think they secretly like being called "baby" - at least, when I'm hugging him and kissing his head and smashing his face into my shoulder, I always imagine he's smiling. ;)

      The cake was a disaster, and then kind of cool, then a disaster again, and then meh. I'll post pics. ;)

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  2. That powdered sugar cake made me laugh. Out loud. I'm getting better at my cakes, but still suck at free-styling my frosting designs. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks! The best part of the powdered sugar explosion was the huge plume of white powder that enveloped his poor sister, who was sitting across from him, and then settled slowly on every horizontal surface. It was really irritating to clean up, but the memory of the look on her face gave me something to laugh about the whole time. ;)

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  3. You'll probably ALWAYS call him your baby boy... as you should- you've earned that right. Happy Birthday to him!

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    1. Thank you! I hope he feels the same way, because I don't plan on stopping.

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  4. I made a cake for my husband's birthday once, and it looked like a hedgehog got attacked by a jar of peanut butter. My daughter and I decided to sign up for a Wilton class together. It was a blast. But now I am not allowed (according to her) to ever just BUY a darn cake again. Why did I sign up for all this extra work?

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    1. That description made me laugh out loud! My kids claim to like my homemade cakes better than store bought ones, so I have to make them anyway - it might be nice to at least be good at it! Then again, they might only be saying that because they think I like making them. Wouldn't THAT be ironic???

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    2. Of course, if you're like me, you'll go and order the cake, have it made beautifully with their name on it and everything, be late picking it up, and HAVE THE CASHIER TURN IT OVER TO SCAN THE BAR CODE. (No, I'm really not kidding. That kid is totally lucky to be alive right now.).

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    3. Okay, that's horrible, but hilarious. It's like turning your hand to check your watch while you're holding a drink (OR SO I'VE HEARD). ;)

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  5. My best friend has had the worst luck with cakes and decorating. One year, she went to make a Cinderella's coach cake. Long story short, she added a dash of cinnamon and lemon to the white frosting for extra taste. That changed the frosting color. So, instead of a bright white pumpkin-looking coach, she ended up with a butt cake. I mean, it literally looked like a nice round butt with a slipper tattoo on each cheek. Just thinking about it still makes me giggle.


    You can also go with the cupcake route. Cupcakes give you more chances to decorate that perfect-looking one that's just begging to be in the birthday picture. Or, if your guests are feeling adventurous, you can have a cupcake decorating station. Then they can each make their own decoration.

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    1. Okay, the butt cake wins birthdays - hilarious! Please, PLEASE tell me you have a picture!

      Those are great suggestions! I've made cupcakes for my daughter before, and they do tend to work a little better - we even did a cupcake decorating station two years ago, but since I'm me (unprepared and dingbattish) their decoration options were sprinkles and Smarties. :)

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  6. I'm 31 (oy) and my mom still occasionally calls me "Baby girl" when signing a birthday card or something. It never goes away, and even though I'm not an 11-year-old boy, I would never want it to go away ;)

    Anyway, hire it out. Have someone make the cake. It will save you time, money in supplies (you won't have to buy extra alcohol to get you through the process) and you'll be lauded as a genius.

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    1. You know, I never do figure party-prep alcohol into the bday budget - I could probably buy each kid seven or eigth cakes!

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  7. I used to make cakes in the shapes of animals, but my baby boy is turning 50 this year!

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    1. Fishducky, you're MORE than welcome to come on over and relive your adorable-cake-making glory days any time - I'll send you the family's birthday list. ;)

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  8. I laughed so hard reading this! My "baby" just turned 17 a few weeks ago. I say let them eat cake...whatever it looks like. I remember once baking a cake for my son (3rd bday), staying up all night decorating it. The next morning his little sister (16 months younger) needed my attention which allowed him to sneak into the kitchen. I noticed it was quiet, went in, he pulled up his kids chair and was eating it. Elbows deep in icing and cake. I brought him down, pulled over his sister and we sat on the floor eating. Thanks for sparking that memory.

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    1. Thank YOU for sharing that memory! What a great one; I especially love your reaction, just going with it and eating on the floor. That's the mom I try to be most days. :)

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  9. More than once, the bakery lost my order or forgot to do my cake. The generic Happy Birthday cake was fine. It didn't go with my theme but if you don't tell anybody, they don't know. Do your best, then roll with the results.

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    1. Excellent advice - that reminds me of planning my wedding. I didn't stress about the details because when something went wrong (as it's bound to do) I was the only one who knew what was *supposed* to have happened. I'm sure I care 1000% more about the appearance of the cake than the kids do. :)

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  10. Oh crap, that powdered sugar 8 cracked me up! I BUY all cakes! If I never make one, they never know the "possibilities", it's just normal to have a beautiful cake that mommy picks up the night before. <3D

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    1. I know, I started a horrible downward cake spiral back before I knew any better. Save me!

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