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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns: Family Game Night

Episode 18:

Even though she constantly spends Quality Time with the kids, Sunny's been feeling guilty that the Time might not be as Quality as it could be.

"I am watching cartoons with you. I'm just sending a quick tweet about how much
I hate this show. And then Instagram-ing a picture of you watching it. And updating
my Facebook status to say what a great time we're having."

So, she declares it to be Family Game Night! Nothing brings a family together like a little friendly competition. Right?

Soon, the girls are gathered around the table. "You guys pick a game - I'm going to make some popcorn," Sunny says - then loudly adds, "Your dad will be happy to help you."


"I don't want to play a game, so I don't care what  we play," grumbles Charmeuse, the oldest girl, who has more important things to do, like talk on the phone with the same friends she spent all day with at school.

"I want Candyland!" shrieks Chenille.

"Gah, no, I HATE Candyland! Candyland is for babies," complains Char.

"A second ago you didn't care what we played," Sunny points out, secretly praying they don't choose Candyland.

When she returns with the popcorn, something horrible has happened.

Oh, dear God, no.

"What happened here?" she asks, trying to remain calm. Her eyes dart to the clock; The Bachelor is coming on at 8:00. She hadn't anticipated the wonderful magical togetherness of Family Game Night lasting more than 45 minutes, tops. She wonders if it's too late to feign interest in Candyland.

"I got tired of them arguing, so I picked a game," Buzz says, setting up the board. "Hey, where's the top hat? I'm always  the top hat..."

"HAT, HAT, HAT," repeats baby Chiffon, causing the tiny metallic hat to fall out of her mouth.

"Mom, Chenille's hogging the popcorn," whines Char. Sunny starts to ask if they can just share the bowl of popcorn, but immediately stops herself. Of course they can't.  She heads to the kitchen again, taking a long, grateful swig from her wine glass while she's there.

Glass, bottle, whatever.

"Where's the popcorn?" she asks when she returns with an extra empty bowl.


"We ate it. Can you make more?"



Sunny sighs. "Maybe in a minute. Let's just get started." She shoos the cat off the table and motions for Chiffon to roll the dice. "So, Charmeuse, how was school today?"

Char rolls her eyes at the question. "It was fine. Hey, why does Chenille get to go first? She always goes first, and she doesn't even know how to play this game."

As if to prove her sister wrong, Chenille rolls the dice so dramatically that they shoot off the table. While Sunny retrieves them, Chenille starts moving her piece a random number of spaces around the board. She stops on Marvin Gardens.

"You're cheating!" Char declares, as if she suddenly cares who wins.

"It doesn't matter, just take your turn," Sunny says through gritted teeth. Ten minutes later, Charmeuse is still trying to decide if she wants to buy Reading Railroad. Buzz and Sunny exchange exasperated looks.

"DON'T RUSH ME!"

"Honey, don't over-think it. Go ahead and buy it, if you want it," Sunny encourages her.

"What? Don't tell her to do that! The only thing stupider than buying utilities is buying railroads."

"Buzz!"

"Whatever, I don't even care!" a frustrated Charmeuse explodes, crossing her arms and flopping back in her chair. Chenille immediately rolls the dice again.

"Honey, it isn't your turn," Sunny reminds her.

"Whose turn is it then? This is booooring."

"It's my turn, but I have to take care of Chiffon, so your father can go."


Buzz rolls the dice, moves his slobbery Top Hat, and then makes change with the Bank for twenty minutes, organizing his piles of fake cash. "Okay hon, it's your turn."

Sunny's still not quite ready. "Girls, maybe one of you should go again."

This is fun. So glad I thought of it.

"What's the point?" Char huffs. "This game is so stupid, and Dad always wins anyway, which makes Chenille cry like a little baby because all her money's gone, even though she only wants it because she thinks it's pretty."

Predictably, Chenille does not react favorably.

"I never win  ANYTHING!"

"Girls," Buzz's voice booms, "Your mother is trying to have some nice, quality time together. Now sit down and play - you're ruining family game night!"

At this, both girls start crying. "You're the worst parents EVER!" Char yells as she stomps off to her room.

A few hours later...

"Buzz, next time let's skip family game night and just do this. This  is my kind of togetherness."

"What?" asks Buzz. "I can't talk to you when you're all the way in there."


"Exactly."

Many thanks to Frugie, at Frugalista Blog, for letting me use her funny (and oh-so-true) Reasons Why I Hate Family Game Night list as inspiration. Me too, sister - me too.

For more game-night giggles, check out this funny graphic by Ninja Mom on NickMom.


More real-life dollhouse drama next time - until then, please feel free to catch up on previous episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns! Then click the Top Mommy Blogs banner below, while I go burn our Chutes and Ladders.
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing!


38 comments:

  1. YES YES YES. I might occasionally have a game moment with ONE of my kids, but to try to sit the whole family down at once to do this was miserable. Plus, my wife would get impatient really fast and make it even worse.

    I'd rather just roll around on the floor with them.

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    Replies
    1. It's hard not to get impatient with little ones trying to play a game. Mine always want to play Sorry (the Pokemon version) and it seems like every time somebody's FINALLY about to win they get bumped back to start. It's all I can do to keep the scream contained in my head.

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    2. You LOOOOOOVE Pokemon Sorry. And Pokemon Monopoly. And Pokemon Chess. And Pokemon Poker.

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    3. That's true, I do like Pokemon Sorry. But only because it isn't Pokemon Monopoly.

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  2. Hahahaha so spot on. I am nursing while on Pinterest and reading this because I'm so good with quality time :-)

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    Replies
    1. You just sound like an excellent multi-tasker to me! :)

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  3. So cute! I had just done our version of "game extravaganza." Love your blog!

    http://karen-mamatobe.blogspot.com/2013/03/pack-it-up-parker-brothers.html

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  4. I'm jealous that your dolls have mini-monopoly. Mine only have mini kick the can.

    Thanks for the shout, momma!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, my poor dolls have no idea they have mini Monopoly - I photoshopped it onto the table. ;)

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  5. I'm jealous of your mini monopoly board too- and bottle of wine and mini computer. You took my ideas and took them to the next hilarious level!! Dun da dun... until next time...

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    Replies
    1. I'm feeling a little sorry for my daughter's dolls now - all their cool stuff only lives in Photoshop. :) Thanks for letting me springboard off your post!

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  6. Family game night. Heck, every night is game night around here. Btw, I think we left half a glass of margarita each on the table last night.

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    Replies
    1. That's 'cause we rock the party life, babe.

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  7. LOVE this one. I totally laughed aloud several times! You completely captured the frustration of playing board games with kids. Keep 'em coming!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kathy! I have a lot of inspiration around here. ;)

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  8. Great minds think alike...as I was scrolling and read ...swig from her wine glass... and she had a bottle, I actually mumbled - glass, bottle, whatever... then I saw that was the actual caption. Genius, I say! I love the game and the tears...photoshop or not! LOVE! (I loved that list when I first read it too!) <3 Devan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice! Not only does this mean we're both comedic geniuses (geniusi?) but it means I can have you do my writing when I'm feeling lazy - which is pretty much always. ;)

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  9. I don't even think The Dudes know what family game night is because I avoid it at all costs. Or, it involves a TV and a video game controller. What? We're from the 90s.

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    1. We can't play video games together because too many of us (me) try to go left and right by leaning from side to side and jerking their (my) arms around. I got tired of explaining the bruises. Though, if it would eliminate Monopoly from my life, I'd be willing to try anything!

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  10. I hate Monopoly. This is the only time I have ever found Monopoloy entertaining. We don't even own the game. Under no circumstances are you to ever come over to my home and photoshop a game board onto our table. That is all. Ellen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay, now I know what to get you for Christmas!!! ;)

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  11. I've been to Candyland hell on more than a few occasions.

    We even have the Dora themed version.

    my joy over-flows *side eye*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candyland is bad because it ever ends. Add Dora, and it's pure evil. I'd hide that way in the back if I were you. The back of the trash can.

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  12. They should make an alcohol themed Candy Land for adults. We could visit Margarita Mountains, Peppermint Schnapps Forest, the Gin House, etc.

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    Replies
    1. Oh wait, I may have spoken too soon on the subject of Candyland; this would be one version I think I could play. Plus I could beat the kids, even when they cheat, because their tolerance is fairly low.

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  13. Monopoly is the only game worse than Candyland. No, wait, there's Risk! I liked playing games with my kids, but only games that could be finished in under an hour.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I forgot about Risk! I played that once and WON! I don't know what annoys my friends more - that I won without having any idea what I was doing, or that I refuse to ever play it again and still claim bragging rights 10 years later.

      And I agree - setting a time limit is key to enjoying game night. ;)

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  14. ERMAHGERD, Robyn. I can't remember how long it's been since I've laughed this hard, OUTLOUD, so many different times, at a blog post. This is a goldmine!

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    Replies
    1. Oh Beardy, you always know just what to say. *runs away giggling*

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  15. Robyn, If I didn't love you so much, well, then I would start because this is fantastic. So funny! This is also why our board games are collecting dust on top of the fake pantry in the mud room that is generally gated off so the baby doesn't get into the recycling. So yeah, you could say we make it difficult to "enjoy" games in our house. SO great.

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    1. Thank you, roomie! I'll be sure to bring Chutes and Ladders to BlogHer, since you've been missing out. (psssst - it's the "strip" version) (pssssst - I'm just kidding, please don't cancel our reservation)

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  16. Oh my, Robin...I might be officially obsessed with As the Dollhouse Turns. I can't even imagine the time it probably takes to make these!! Hilarious.

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    1. Thank you so much! It doesn't seem like very long, but I like doing it so it's hard to tell. It probably does take forever. ;)

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  17. wow!! It's like you were at my place! Just replace the girl drama with boy drama (pretty much the same at pre-teen stage, by the way!!), and you described exactly why we have movie night on Fridays and hope to donate all board games pretty soon!

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    Replies
    1. Movie night is AWESOME - unless you have that one kid who constantly asks questions and repeats all the funny lines. Luckily ours grew out of that. :) As for the board games, I think I might just fill each of the boxes with Elmer's glue and act like I don't know what happened.

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  18. Sure enjoy reading this little soap opera. My daughter is nearly seventeen, if we can get a family game night with her we consider ourselves very lucky.

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  19. Glad you're enjoying it! We feel the same way about our older kids - and the younger ones, too, but the older ones never ask to play Chutes and Ladders which is kind of a bonus. ;)

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