-->
Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
Follow the Hollow Tree on Facebook!Follow the tweets!Let's pin together!Look! Square pictures!Google Plus us!HTV's on the YouTube, too!Subscribe via RSS feed!Get yourself some Bloglovin'!I'll send htv to your email inbox!

10 Reasons To Celebrate Me Not Blogging

Hold on a hot second, there - I don't mean I'm not going to blog anymore, so put down your party hats.

I'm talking about celebrating the fact that I didn't blog in the past, when I was in my twenties. And not just me (although yes, I am glad there isn't a written, forever-record on the Internets of every thought that flitted through my head back then) - don't forget that you  should be happy about it, too. After all, you might've had to read that garbage. As opposed to the much higher-quality garbage I post these days.

To remind us all how lucky we are, someone started a listy meme; I first saw it on I'm Gonna Kill Him, and I laughed so hard at Erin's responses that I immediately knew I couldn't even begin to tackle a list of my own, no matter how much fun it would be, for fear of looking like a poser (<-- apparently 1990s slang started creeping in at the mere thought of it, though).

But then it came up as the writing prompt for Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop this week, and I was all, "Okay, twist my arm."

  1. The whole blog would've been in binary code, as I tried to update posts remotely from my pager
  2. Daily musings about important issues: roommates drinking my Diet Coke, Y2K, hangover remedies, and whether or not people were pretty serious about bringing flip flops back (spoiler alert: they were)
  3. Fiona Apple's Tidal  would play on constant loop while the page loaded, which would take so long on your dial-up connection you'd have to hear "Sullen Girl" at least three or four times
  4. Rants about how unfair it is that, as it turns out, real life isn't like Friends (except for the haircuts)
  5. Rants about drunk khaki-pants-wearing frat guys at the bar, with their low fades and leftover 90210 sideburns, being all rowdy and bumming smokes, wearing their hats backwards and being rude and stupid and I hate them and WHY WON'T ONE OF THEM BUY ME A DRINK?
  6. Quarter-life crisis posts about getting my navel pierced, or that one time I almost got a tattoo from a guy until I noticed he only had two fingers on each hand, which made it seem unlikely he'd be very steady with a needle
  7. Blogging series entitled How To Cancel Your Wedding At The Last Minute And Move Out Into Your Own Cockroach-Infested Apartment,  followed closely by a series entitled Forget I Said That, aka How To Move Back In To An Apartment With No Roaches And Go Ahead And Get Married After All
  8. Multiple recipe posts reviewing various combinations of Red Bull, vodka, Zima, old margarita mix you found in the back of the fridge, Malibu rum, and Monster energy drinks - written in real time as I progressively got increasingly inebriated
  9. Lengthy pro/con rambles: from the all-important "freeze half to death as you run from the parking garage to the bar vs. unsexily carry your coat around all night" question, to the equally exciting post-children "Monsters Inc vs. Shrek" debate
  10. Frustrating lack of grungy plaid blog backgrounds
So, in short, you're welcome - we can all be glad I never subjected you to any of that.

Until now, I guess.

But if you'll excuse me, #8 did remind me I have some photos I need to go burn. As grateful as I am that I didn't blog in my twenties, I'm even more grateful that none of my friends had a digital camera.

Please click the banner below to vote while I call my hairdresser for an appointment to get "the Rachel."
Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


70 comments:

  1. Oh wow, I'd totally forgotten about the days when every blog out there had music playing on loop. So glad that trend died out. It did die out right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope so... I'm usually in the computer while I'm holding a sleeping baby, so the sound is always off. It's like being immune!

      Delete
  2. To be honest, your list kinda makes me wish you did blog in your 20s - I wanna hear more about the 2-fingered tattoo-ist AND your cocktail recipes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The tattoo dude might make a halfway decent post, but as I recall most if my drink recipes had unfortunate side effects like hangovers and pregnancy. ;)

      Delete
  3. I could have read so much more about your twenties! Excuse me while I find the cheapest beer we have, settle in, and enjoy this list again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheapest beer - totally! It was all about quantity over quality in those days, wasn't it? Thanks. :)

      Delete
  4. LOL I totally forgot to include my 20-21 year old tattoo ventures! I specifically got one that "meant nothing" because, you know, that's hwo you feel about the world at that time. WOW.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing says "rebel" like an intentionally meaningless tattoo! Love it. :)

      Delete
  5. I think we might have swapped recipes and attempted to ignore frat boys while standing in line for a bar shivering together in the 90s. Minneapolis made that coat question even more fun for us in winter btw.
    Stopping by from Mama Kat's.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Minneapolis city motto: Yes it's cold, but at least it's cold! Thanks for being here. :)

      Delete
  6. #5 cracked me up! That was me too. Great list! My blog would have been, whiney, completely annoying and a tad pathetic. Because when I look back at the journal I kept, that's exactly what I think. Embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those words describe those years for me, too - thank heaven I wasn't keeping a journal! ;)

      Delete
  7. Oh I'm so glad digital cameras weren't everywhere then, too. That could be horribly embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If there had been digital photography then, there's zero chance I wouldn't be embarrassed about something every waking moment of my life. ;)

      Delete
  8. Loved the Zima! Thank goodness there is no record of my youth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew you'd appreciate the Zima reference (#spikedpunch). ;)

      Delete
  9. I'd have read you. I think you should write up #8 right now - maybe even a vlog!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ummm...I think you need to blog about some of these stories. If you're slightly inebriated when you do, that just might add to the magic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll see your slightly, and raise you an extremely.

      Delete
  11. I totally never drank ur Diet Coke, and think this list barely scratches the surface of the Lucy and Ethel like hilarity that was apartment H8. Luv ya!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I saw the email message that you'd commented, I couldn't get over here fast enough to see what you said. ;) I know you didn't steal my precious DC - it was the only thing on my grocery list besides rice cakes and cigarettes! My only regret is that I don't have a scanner, so I couldn't post the photo of us singing to each other on the apartment floor. Or that we didn't take any pictures when we torched those napkins and I almost set my hair on fire. So, two regrets. Not bad, for all those years of hilarity. ;)

      Delete
    2. I love reading your blogs, it is like getting to have my friend back!! I am hoping to someday come across the photo of the subway sandwich that looked like Ross Perot after the Aftershock evening. Or how about driving to Brown County, during summer session, windows down smoking our Marlboro lights singing our asses off to Bob Seger. Good times. You could spend a year on stories from the dorm and I would love every second of it! Need we bring up the lobster and the pool???? MISS U!

      Delete
    3. omg, I love you! I have the Ross Perot sandwich picture. I WILL find a way to bring it to the light of day!

      Delete
  12. Ahhh, the good old days when then the biggest question was whether the chicks dug the clean-shaven look more than the scruff. I'll be back in a few days. I have a digitally challenged tattoo-ist to find and kill.

    Hi Stephanie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chicks dig whatever look you're sportin', babe. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bunch of random chicks to go find and kill.

      Delete
    2. You're mine. I realize that sounds like it denotes ownership, but if you change the tone it becomes less a caveman remark than a statement of wonderment. Think about it. I, of course, mean it both ways. :)

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Yup, very true. A lot more true than it is impressive - maybe it would've been more impressive if I hadn't been so horrified by the roaches. ;)

      Delete
    2. Maybe you should clarify that it's not your current husband to whom you're referring...

      Delete
  14. My 20's blog would have been all about how grown up I am and how I know all there is to know about life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You knew everything, too??? It's amazing what an expert I was on life, until I hit my 30s and they smacked me right back in the face with my own dumbassery.

      Delete
  15. THIS: Rants about drunk khaki-pants-wearing frat guys at the bar, with their low fades and leftover 90210 sideburns, being all rowdy and bumming smokes, wearing their hats backwards and being rude and stupid and I hate them . . .

    Hasn't changed much. Add a pair of thick black hipster glasses and a mustache to that guy above and you're pretty much looking at the same guy.

    And this: ... and WHY WON'T ONE OF THEM BUY ME A DRINK?

    ... still applies. Only now they won't buy me a drink because I'm the cougar at the bar. I'm actually only 39--but I'm sure to them I look like a cougar. Especially when I introduce them to my husband and pull up iPhone pics of my children.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Their loss, the fools. They can add it to the list of choices they'll regret, right next to growing a mustache. ;)

      Delete
  16. My brain has been rewired into a Mom-Brain, so anything that isn't about my kids needs to be remembered with a little help. So I dug out old emails, diaries and receipts. I have made the following conclusions:

    - There would be many rants about how fashion sucks because I can't find a pair of knee-high suede boots (no zipper!) that are a size 6 and still fit over my generously abundant ankles.

    - Each post would contain some kind of "profound lyrics" that are totally written about my life's struggles, even though the only struggle I was going through was putting on my skinny jeans.

    - There would be a giant section of projects and hobbies I decided were the best ever and spent 100$+ buying things for, only to completely lose interest 2 weeks later.

    - And, of course, there would be the "let's make people jealous" kinds of post where I write about amazing bar-hopping, party-crashing and totally romantic escapades. All of these happen while I'm dressed in my rattiest sweatshirt and eating ice-cream with a spatula.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love it! Oh, to have that kind of disposable income again, to just spend on a whim without a single thought. Sigh. I still write while wearing a ratty sweatshirt and eating ice cream, though - I'm just not fooling anyone into being jealous. ;)

      Delete
  17. Ah Yeah...the Zima! I had forgotten about that until you jogged the ol noggin...and I hear ya on the cold dash...I went to school in central NY and almost got frostbite on my ankles thanks to footless leggings and sockless shoes...I was freakin COLD, but I looked cool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah, the ankle leggings! What we wouldn't do to look hawt back then. When I was in college, all the girls were wearing those shirts that only tie with a few spaghetti straps in the back. Freeeeeeezing.

      Delete
  18. Um. I totally would have read that blog too Just saying. Also Zima? Really? Bartles & Jaymes was so much better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How could I have forgotten the Bartles & Jaymes?!? You're so right - and now I'm thirsty. And a little headachy.

      Delete
  19. I'm especially glad that Facebook didn't exist when I was a teenager. Oh, I was a dork. I was such a dork.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too, believe me. I'm still a huge dork, and in 15 years I'll probably be sorry Facebook existed today. I really shouldn't be allowed on the web. For my own good.

      Delete
  20. My 20s were definitely more interesting and I was way more cool than I am now. My blog would have rocked.
    That's my story and I can write it how I want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ^^^Love that - that's exactly the right way to think about it. Except you're still totally cool. ;)

      Delete
  21. If I had blogged in my 20's there probably would have been way too much complaining about the ex-husband. But I would have had some very funny stories about my kids. Heck, even in my 30's they were amusing in a horrifying way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, that's true - I probably wouldn't want some of my old complaints preserved on the Internet. Do you suppose they're admissible in court?

      Delete
  22. Actually, really interested in hearing the stories behind #7. Perhaps
    a real life convo over a drink that, unlike those douchey frat boys, I will buy for you. Deal?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deal, my friend. *Clink* I see some late night slumber party-ishness in our BlogHer13 futures. :)

      Delete
  23. Haha I remember blogging in my twenties. Oh wait I am still in my twenties. (Only a few more months left.) My old blog use to be very similar to what yours would have been. Even the move out/move in. That's why I have a new one. lol I often look back at old posts realize I am not the same person anymore. I think...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hard to believe how much we change, especially considering how grown up we think we are at 22. :) Glad to have a sister who understands about the move out/move in thing!

      Delete
  24. Blogging wasn't a word in my 20's! We called that Journaling! And I'm so glad most blogs don't utilize music in the background! And I do have to agree with you about the digital camera...I'd be in huge trouble now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Journaling - yes! How grateful am I that there isn't a digital version of my old journals floating around?!?!

      Delete
  25. Hahaha number three is the worst/funniest. Why did people always used to do that? And then it would load slowly and in chunks, like part of the background wouldn't load at first and everything would take forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think mine still loads in chunks sometimes, because I screw with my template too much without having any idea what I'm doing. ;) At least Tidal isn't playing, though.

      Delete
  26. Oh my gosh, this made me laugh. And have flashbacks. We must be have been in our 20s at the same time. And I have to say, I'd still like to discuss the pros and cons of freezing half to death vs carrying your coat around. How DID we manage? =)

    Happily stopping by from Honest Mom link up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kids today have so many advantages - like global warming. I bet they never have to carry coats at the bar. Brats.

      Thanks so much for being here - I'm more than happy to discuss 90s minutia any day! ;)

      Delete
  27. I blogged in my 20's. It is (thankfully) anonymous and unconnected to my current blog. It's a weird little time capsule, more of a journal than a blog, but yeah. I do not want that crap out there for the world at large. Yikes.

    (Hi from Honest Voices, btw!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi! **waves** So smart to have made it anonymous - sometimes I wish I'd thought of that. Oh, the stories I'd tell... but then I'd never get any sleep worrying my secret identity would be revealed, so this is probably for the best. ;)

      Delete
  28. I too am thankful for the fact that there were no digital cameras, cell phones or blogs when I was in my twenties. But I miss grungy plaid with a passion. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I still have some of my plaid shirts - we should bring it back!

      Thanks so much for being here :)

      Delete
  29. Ok, I will give you a lot of these, but I definitely want to hear more about #7. Great list. Thanks for the giggle. Erin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh, a story for another (secret) blog - or for a girls' night if we ever meet irl. :)

      Delete

Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?