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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

101 Reasons To Leave Your Christmas Tree Up

Christmas is old news, you say? You've already taken your tree down and lovingly crammed each delicate ornament into a wad of wrinkled tissue paper? You've already vacuumed and swept and wet-jetted and hardly ever get stabbed in the foot with a stray pine needle anymore?

You don't know what you're missing.


Okay, I don't have anywhere near 101 reasons to leave my Christmas tree up, considering I'm so lazy I'd just as soon not put it up at all most years.

But I might as well have a million  reasons, since my husband likes to keep it on display until at least Valentine's Day (for our unfortunate new Sexy Tree tradition), and he's the only one in the house strong enough to schlep it downstairs.

So to make myself feel better about the high likelihood that the tree will still be serving as a 7-foot tall night light on my birthday (March 26th - ahem - it's never too early to start shopping!), I made a list of reasons to leave it up.

  1. Laziness. We sort of already covered this, but it bears repeating - the only thing less fun and more labor-intensive than lugging the tree out after its long summer hibernation and reconstructing it year after year, is the thankless and un-festive job of reversing the process.
  2. For those of you with a real tree, it becomes like a gigantic Glade 2in1 plug-in, as the aroma gradually transitions from "Fresh Holiday Fir" to "Mildewy Swamp Spruce".
  3. You can tell your kids the Elf on the Shelf has burrowed in and made a home in the branches - you might be able to get a few extra weeks of good behavior out of them. Either that, or you'll give them nightmares.
  4. You retain the option of sweeping crumbs under the tree skirt when you don't feel like using the dust pan.
  5. Two words: cat habitat. Every day the cat sleeps under the tree is one less day he's audibly licking himself near my face.
  6. It takes the pressure off the rest of my outdated, shabby decor, as it easily takes the prize as Biggest Eyesore in any room.
  7. It's an excuse not to decorate for subsequent holidays ("Oh, I would love to display my collection of miniature Spanish sailing vessels in honor of Columbus Day, but they clash with the shards of Aunt Matilda's hand-blown glass ornament that the dog knocked onto the floor back behind the tree where I can't reach with the Swiffer.")
  8. It's an excuse not to have guests over ("Oh, I would love to invite your Aunt Matilda for a visit, but I don't want her to see her broken ornament, and also she's aware that it's June.")
  9. I hear green is the new black.
  10. It's a great place to hang damp laundry when the handrails on your treadmill get full.
  11. If you leave it up long enough, you're all set for next Christmas.

What do you know? I actually almost feel a little better now about keeping the tree around for a few more months weeks days. Almost.

Please click the banner below if you're in favor of leaving the tree up!
Or if you prefer to take it down five minutes after you open presents.
Or if you don't even celebrate Christmas.
Or if you just want me to stop giving you reasons to click.
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28 comments:

  1. Last year I realized I had left my ceramic tree out - in September. Once it's September it starts to seem like way to much work to put it away and take it out again. Kind of like making the bed in the morning.

    I suspect the tree now has a permanent home on my buffet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! That's how I ended up with some kind of funky Christmas bugle hanging on my wall - for two years. :)

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  2. This one is my favorite by far:


    It's a great place to hang damp laundry when the handrails on your treadmill get full.

    Enough said, tree stays up!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pro tip: avoid hanging clothes directly under a glitter bomb ornament.

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    2. I'm on twitter way too much - I wanted to favorite this.

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    3. Ha! I do that too, or try to Like stuff. :)

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  3. I am ABSOLUTELY going to de-Christmas my house today--probably!!

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  4. This is so funny, I kind of want to get mine DOWN from the attic and put it BACK UP.
    That is, if my kids hadn't BROKEN the stand this year.

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    Replies
    1. Oh nooooo! Well, it's always good to have a full arsenal of things to give them a hard time about when they're older. ;)

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  5. "miniature Spanish sailing vessels" .....and they said I was the only one who had a collection.

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    Replies
    1. I know, I saw the QVC segment when you called in and ordered the set - good idea, getting it with the limited edition Columbus bobble head!

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  6. The thing is, that sure, up until June you are a major slacker because you haven't taken down your tree yet, but after June you are super over achiever and are getting things done because you got your tree up so early.

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  7. Ours is still up. I had every intention of having it down and turned into firewood by the end of the first day of January. But, well, #1 reason to leave it up: lazy. We debulbed it last night so hopefully we can get a little further today. The pine scent has long gone. I guess I could buy one of those pine scented car fresheners and hang it on it?

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    Replies
    1. It has all kinds of other ornaments - at least that one would be practical, right?

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  8. Ours is still up. I can not for the life of me figure out where I put the energy to take it down. Certainly it has to be hiding with Motivation, or ran away with the Give A Shit.

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  9. Our is down!! But before I sound like an insufferable a-hole, I will first admit that I had two jack-o-lantern candles on the shelf in my kitchen for TWO WHOLE YEARS because I realized months after halloween that I hadn't put them away, so I just decided to wait until next year. But then I forgot that year, so I felt like I had already waited a whole year and it didn't matter, so they stayed there for another whole year.

    That led to this halloween. I burned them for 2 minutes and then put them on the piano. They're still there.

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    Replies
    1. That. Is awesome. I almost had a similar situation arise with a decorative ceramic Christmas thing that hangs on a doorknob, but luckily my kids are animals and ended up breaking it.

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  10. Woot. Valentine's Tree, here we come. Again.

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  11. The cat audibly licking himself made me laugh out loud. Damn cats!! Hahaha

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    Replies
    1. I don't get it - why is it so LOUD? Damn cats, indeed!

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  12. The cat comment rang true here to , nothing like dozing off to the 7th go around of Christmas Vacation , just to wake to the sounds of Kitteh's self love , and that " what the hell are u looking at" glare they give back .... Ahh the holidays with pets <3

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    1. I love that a cat will look at you like *you're* the one out of line, even though they're the ones being crazy. My husband would tell you I have that look perfected - hold on while I give him the look.

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  13. I'm a little late here but I'm assuming my comment still applies as I'm assuming the tree is still up. You've made a very persuasive case. The only problem is the tree is conflicting with your magnificent display of miniature Spanish sailing vessels.

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    Replies
    1. Amazingly, I actually took it down! I had to wait until I knew my husband was on his radio show - when he's on the air, I know he isn't going to wander in and catch me before I can finish. That's why we had an undecorated tree up in February last year - he interrupted me after I'd taken the ornaments off and convinced me to leave the tree up for the lights. But I definitely had to get it down this year, so I can really showcase those sailing vessels. I put a lot of effort into whittling those from wine corks.

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