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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

As The Dollhouse Turns - Plot Twists Untied

Episode 13

Things at the dollhouse are getting crazy, no?

As you surely recall, faithful viewers, in the last few episodes we've discovered that Buzz was kidnapped by Buster, and that Buster is Buzz's brother. We also politely averted our eyes when Jimmy, who has been missing and presumed dead thanks to Buzz and a sack of shovels, showed up at Sunny's house thinking his name was Bob and got a pelvic exam that somehow revealed that he has amnesia.

Just like real life, right? Well, real soap opera life, anyway. In case you're getting confused, don't fret - because unlike most soap operas, stuff is actually going to happen today on As The Dollhouse Turns.

Alotta stuff.
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Back home from the doctor, Sunny formulates a plan. "Jimmy, I'm going to call the babysitter to watch the kids. Your mother's on her way over here; you might not remember her right now, but she's alright, aside from being a perfectionist over-achieving Stepford Mom. Besides, this amnesia stuff is way above my pay grade, and I think you just broke my couch."


Soon Beatrice, the suspiciously slutty babysitter who seems to want to steal Sunny's identity and wear her skin like a freaky Sunny-suit so that Buzz will love her, arrives and immediately scoops up the baby.


"Oh geez, I forgot to change out of the clothes I stole from your closet. Awkward!" Beatrice says. Then, turning to Jimmy, "Oh, hi Bob! I mean Jimmy. I mean... guy I've never seen before."

Jimmy turns to Sunny. "That is lady who found me when I was in the dirt and told me my name Bob. Me been living with her."

Just as Sunny starts to realize there might be something funny going on, Maggie shows up.


"My sweet, sweet little baby boy!" Maggie exclaims.

Meanwhile, at Buster's crappy apartment...

"Hey, why don't you do the brotherly thing and untie me?" suggests Buzz.

"Okay," agrees Buster, because he's not very bright.


Buzz runs for the door, and a dangerous and exciting chase scene ensues during which both parties use their turn signals and refrain from exceeding the speed limit, because we here at As The Dollhouse Turns don't condone reckless driving or violence of any kind.

Buzz calls 911 from the car and drives directly home, where the two men burst into the already crowded living room.


Buzz runs to Sunny and wraps her in a warm embrace, then looks around the room. "Honey, I know I've been gone a while, but now that I'm back maybe you can start cleaning again. But enough about you! We can discuss cooking and cleaning later - THIS man," he points at Buster, "is my kidnapper - and my brother!"

"And my ex-husband!" Maggie adds.

"And my dad!" Jimmy yells, the excitement having jogged his memory. Then he turns to Buzz, "Hey, you tried kill me!"

"Yeah, sorry about that, but you wouldn't stop dating my daughter - and really I did us all a favor, since it turns out she's your cousin anyway. No hard feelings?"


Jimmy glares at Buzz.

"Actually," Maggie says sheepishly, "Buster isn't Jimmy's father. I was already pregnant when I got married."

Huh?

"I decided to marry Buster because I'd just been left at the alter by the real father... Buzz."

Huh?

"So really, Jimmy and Charmeuse aren't cousins," Maggie concludes. "They're brother and sister. Isn't that sweet?"



"But wait, there's one more thing that doesn't add up" Sunny starts, confused as usual. "Beatrice, why didn't you call the police when you found Jimmy in a shallow grave?"

Beatrice tosses her hair and beams, happy to finally have the spotlight. "I was out for a jog, deep in the wilderness, wearing a tattered white nightie, just like all young women do. I saw Buzz burying Jimmy, so I went back later and dug him up. I hoped he'd help me blackmail Buzz into killing Sunny and marrying me instead. But then Buzz got kidnapped, which made it really hard to blackmail him, and I ended up getting bored and lost interest."

As everyone digests all this new information, there's a knock at the door. Sunny answers it, and Detective White steps inside.

"I got a call that there's some kind of illegal activity going on. Does anyone know anything about a kidnapping, or a plot to kill someone, or a paternity mix-up, or another plot to kill someone, or a kid who was presumed dead ending up with amnesia and being kidnapped?"


Everyone in the room exchanges looks. None of them can turn anyone in without incriminating someone they want to protect, and none of them can quite figure out who did what anyway.

"Nope, sorry officer," says Sunny. "I think you must have the wrong house."

Was that a lot of loose ends to tie up all at once? At least the whole series so far didn't turn out to be a dream that someone had while they were recovering from Recurring Flashback Syndrome in drug rehab.

OR WAS IT?

No, I wouldn't do that to you.

And I assure you the drama continues next time - until then, please feel free to catch up on previous episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns. Then click the Top Mommy Blogs banner below while I come up with some new plot lines.
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, mama - I'm assuming you mean I'm a genius at wrapping things up about four weeks after people stopped having any idea what I'm talking about, which also happens to be my specialty irl. ;)

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  2. That fight scene is so full of awesome! I am so glad we got some closure on alotta stuff, cause I was getting (read: already) confused. Funny funny stuff! <3 Devan

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! And I'm glad to hear you say that, it was getting confusing for me, too! Now I'll start with a clean slate and get back to the original idea of storylines that only drag on for one episode, instead of several. ;)

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  3. Another top notch episode! It was like that fight scene was taken straight from the latest Bond movie. Great job!

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    Replies
    1. Shh, don't let the Bond people know I steal all their ideas.

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  4. I'm STILL waiting for the book!!!

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    Replies
    1. It's on its way to you, via my imagination. :)

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  5. That was a perfect wrap-up, Baby.

    Some highlights: The fight scene (which I've narrated and posted on FB... I mean, if it's cool with you), the Jimmy hurling pic, the pics of the whole crew being stunned.

    Priceless. Per. Ice. Less.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, babe - your Facebook blow-by-blow was awesome! :)

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  6. What the huh? I may have to DVR this and rewatch it later.

    Love it. Brilliant as always!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much! It's the gift that keeps on confusing... I mean, giving. The plot lines are going to be a little more concise from now on. :)

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  7. I love this. You are a crazy genius. Do you drink wine for your goblet while writing these episodes? Just wondering.

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    Replies
    1. I'm *always* drinking wine from my goblet. Alllllways. :)

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  8. I love that the little toilet has hollow tree ventures on it. Fine attention to details...

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure some would say it's symbolic... ;)

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  9. Oh my goodness...some TV producer please pick this up and turn it into a syndicated program. I'd watch this over The Simpsons any day!

    a most satisfying conclusion to all the loose ends.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, glad you liked it! As for the TV producer, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! What's it take to get rich and famous around here, already???

      Actually we are going to start filming episodes and putting them on my YouTube channel - which is *almost* the same thing, right? ;)

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