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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns: The Disappearance

Episode 8 : The Disappearance

Buzz is locked up in jail, falsely accused of starting a bar fight. Even though bailing him out will mean another night of watching Wheeler Dealers instead of HGTV and trying to fall asleep to the ear-grating cadence of of his epic snoring, Sunny is resolved to find the proof she needs to get him released.

To do that, she's going to need some answers. Answers she might not want to hear.

Our last episode left off with Sunny gathering her courage at her destination...

"Liquid courage is still courage,"
she assures herself.

Sunny knocks.

As she'd hoped, Maggie made it home despite her tussle with Betty in the car. As she'd also hoped, Maggie invites her in for a nightcap.

"My, that night club was... exciting," says Maggie. "If you like,
I can give you the recipe for my all natural, organic laundry detergent.
There's a decent chance it could get that smell out of your sweater."

Sunny can't take it anymore. Enough with polite chit chat - Buzz is stuck in jail, and she's the only one who can help him! She needs to know more about the mysterious stranger.

Before Maggie starts a lengthy commentary about the shameful increase in the number of mothers using canned pie filling, Sunny finally blurts out, "Who were you talking to at the bar tonight?"
 

Maggie's face darkens - it's obvious she doesn't want to talk about it, but she's tired. And liquored up.

"Um, I don't remember you being Heidi Klum earlier..."
comments Sunny.
"Shut up," counters Maggie. "I don't interrupt your  flashbacks."

"That was my ex husband, Buster," she begins. "He left me a few years ago, and now he says he wants me back. But I said no. He has quite a temper, as you may have noticed."

"Do you know where he lives? Or where he went after he left the bar?" Sunny needs to find this guy - he's the one who should be in jail for that fight!

"Oh my, no. He, um, doesn't live around here anymore. I suspect he left town after our argument - that is, if the cops let him go."

"Well, how does he know Buzz? And why do they look so much alike? And what was the deal with you and Buzz being high school sweethearts?"
 
Uhhh, I'm sorry... say what?

Maggie's eyes dart around the room. "I never noticed that they look alike. Hmm, I guess there is a slight resemblance. And did I say we were sweethearts?" She squirms uncomfortably. "Oh, I don't know about sweethearts.  Buzz and I dated years ago, sure - but it was mostly just a sexual thing."

Sunny stares at Maggie, her mouth open in shock.
 
Being a nervous talker, Maggie fills the silence with TMI. "Real crazy, kinky stuff. You know, stuff they don't teach you in health class, stuff you only learn behind the bleachers and in the back row at the movie theater. Whew, when I think about the oddball stuff we used to do..." Maggie trails off, now smiling fondly at the recollection, a facial expression Sunny had only seen her use previously when talking about wholesome things like teaching orphans how to speak in Braille.
 
Maggie snaps back to reality. "Why, dear? How do you  know Buzz?"

Sunny takes the news about her husband surprisingly well.

Sunny hops back in the car - she can deal with Magnolia later. For now, she needs to get to the police station.

Detective White may not have believed her story earlier, but when Sunny gives him a solid lead - the name and identity of the man they truly need to detain for that bar fight - surely they'll have to let Buzz go.

She rushes inside the station. After stepping around a few fellas handcuffed to chairs and one guy so drunk he grabbed an officer's clipboard and refused to give it back, she tells the clerk at the desk that she needs to speak to someone about Buzz's arrest.
 
Sunny, a little frightened, holds her purse close to her body.
She doesn't have any cash, but she does have about $30 worth
of loose Goldfish crackers in there.
 
The clerk shuffles some papers with her sticky fingers.

"Eh, here we go," she finally says, pulling out a file folder bearing Buzz's name. Sunny couldn't help but notice how thick the file was - but Buzz had never been in any trouble before. Had he?
After flipping to the back of the file, the clerk happily reports, "Oh, this should take care of your problem! It says here that someone paid his bail - your husband's already been sprung."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Sunny's getting tired of being confused all the time. "Who on earth could've done that?"

And when are going to offer to share the donuts?
our hungry heroine think-screams.

"Hmm," the clerk says, licking her fingers and scanning the paperwork. "Looks like he was released into the custody of a guy named John Doe. You know him?"
 
Sunny closes her eyes, but she's sure the clerk can tell she's rolling them anyway. "So WHERE IS MY HUSBAND NOW?"
 
"Huh. That's funny. It says 123 Fake Street. Never heard of it - must be out of town."


I would face palm if my elbows could bend.


Where is Buzz, and who bailed him out?
With all this excitement, when will Sunny find time to finish strangling Maggie?
Where are MY donuts???

The drama continues next time! Until then, please feel free to catch up on previous episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns. But before you go, please click on the banner below - by doing so, you amazing people have made HTV the #5 HUMOR BLOG and now I'm addicted to the shrimp and champagne up here in first class!

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42 comments:

  1. I am so strangely addicted to As the Dollhouse Turns. Where is Buzz???

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    1. Wait until you see - I'm snickering just thinking about it. :)

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  2. Nice touch with the DD and Heidi Klum, you never fail to disappoint!

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    1. Thanks! I hope Heidi Klum appreciates how much I had to learn about Photoshop to make that picture happen. Probably not though. Can't say I blame her.

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  3. Why aren't you a best-selling author yet??? This stuff is GOLD! I'm laughing my tushie off. I do sometimes wonder about the smile you must have on your face while you're setting these shots up. And if your kids help. And how they're going to describe this as adults.

    Mommy definitely had a sense of humor!

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    1. Thank you so much! We do get a lot of laughs while we're setting the shots up, but mostly the adults - the kids rarely help anymore. I think I ruined toys for them forever. ;)

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  4. 30 dollars worth of Goldfish and liquid courage...Is there anything Sunny can't do? (Beside bend her arms?) You are awesome.

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    1. Hahaha! You're right, with a purse that size she's probably ready for any situation, even if she can't actually reach into it without a lot of help.

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  5. The Dunkin Donuts box....still laughing about that one :)

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    1. Me too - my mom had that set up when I went over to her house, and I almost peed my pants. :)

      Disclaimer: My dad is a retired police officer, so I feel I have a certain amount of leeway to make cop jokes without actually being disrespectful. He may disagree, though... :D

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    2. Nah, I'm always careful not to read your blog when I'm eating or drinking. At my age choking on a donut or blowing hot coffee out of my nose could be fatal :-)

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    3. I wish Blogger let you "like" comments. That was a good one, Dad-in-Law.

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    4. Ok I'm very new to reading "As The Dollhouse Turns" and catching up on ALL the episodes. And I'm not sure which is funnier, the actual stories or the comments & replies. Thank you for the tearful laughs. On to the next episode....

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    5. I'm so happy you're here, Jolene! Shh, don't tell my blog, but I actually like talking to the people in the comments more than writing the posts most of the time - I'm pretty sure the comments are almost *always* funnier. ;)

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  6. First Santa's Little Helper and now Hiedi Klum. You know a show is good when all the celebrities are clamoring to do guest spots on it.

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    1. No doubt! Now if I could just get them to do it willingly...

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  7. This just keeps getting better and better!

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  8. I've never been into TV soaps--but I CANNOT resist these!! Can I be your Art Director? It would be so much fun!!

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    1. Yes! I have no idea what an art director does, but whatever it is, you're welcome to it!

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  9. It's just getting better and better. The suspense is killing me, but the excitement and anticipation I have for each new episode gives me something to get through each week. Or maybe it's the liquid courage. Hmmm...

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    1. Liquid courage sure never hurts. ;)

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  10. I'm definitely not one to watch daytime soaps - it's bad enough that I have to deal with my husband watching the Maury Povic show every morning... but I did learn from Maury that it's really hard to get rid of your pimp if he's the father of your child.
    That being said. Bahahahaha - I love your blog.

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    1. I can't thank you enough for the tip! Maury, what would we do without you?!?

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  11. Ha!

    "This one time? When I was Heidi Klum?"

    That was supberb special effect. My fave part.

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    1. Thanks! Mine too, I think, alhough I almost smashed my computer in half trying to get photoshop to cooperate. ;)

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  12. I am strangely addicted to these Dollhouse Tales!! I can't wait to find out: Where is Buzz!? For me, this is best mystery since "Who Shot J.R.?" :)

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    1. Wow, that's really saying something - thanks! Maybe J.R. will do the next cameo. ;)

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  13. I am so in love with this! So glad I found your blog!

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    1. 'Me too," as in I'm glad you found HTV, not as in I'm in love with this. Which I AM, but I'd never say so out loud because that would sound so snooty. ;)

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  14. I never miss an episode (or a post for that matter), even if I'm a little late! "The ear-grating cadence of his epic snoring" is AWESOME! Looking forward to the next episode!

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    1. Thanks for being here - if you count this as late, you're clearly way too hard on yourself. :)

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    2. Boy, you pegged me. It's because I'm a perfectionisst.

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  15. They have shrimp and champagne in first class? I swear to...

    It's a good thing I don't snore, or I'd think I was the model for some of Buzz's traits. Incidentally, Wheeler Dealers is good background TV, and it's essentially one of those house flipping shows with cars instead of houses.

    The Heidi Klum thing is priceless. Dolls dreaming of being models, instead of models trying to look like dolls. I should write a theme paper on the use of symbolism in As the Dollhouse Turns.

    Goldfish and donuts made me laugh. Also, "must be out of town."

    I also loved the pic of Sunny thinking about attacking Magnolia. Did you photoshop the wine glass into that pic, or is it being suspended by fishing twine, or by magic? Are the dolls alive?

    I love how elaborate the sets are getting. Kudos to you and Marm.

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    1. Is it too late to pretend the symbolism was intentional??? I love how you give me too much credit for stuff.

      Yes, they're alive.

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  16. what a great post! EH talked about castor oil bath and the soap nut powder before the led class on saturday awhile back. I feel so connected with you being there in Mysore, you having EH as a teacher too and reading this and me practicing with her now. small world! keep these posts coming!

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?