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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Tinkerbell, Tantrums, and the One Time He Was Right

Like most married couples, Gerry and I don't agree on everything.
Such as whether or not the washer has to fill with water before adding the clothes, or what action, exactly, constitutes a "goosing," or whether or not you can sell a used car seat, or what year paint-splattered clothes were in style, or whether there's milk in pudding, or if hot water leaches minerals out of the pipes, or what the difference is between measuring cups and measuring spoons. These questions all came up within the last two days; I could go on, but you get it.
Also like most married folks, we're each pretty sure we're the one who knows what we're talking about approximately 100% of the time. Scoffing occurs, and eye rolling, normally followed by a lively debate that culminates in Googling, if possible. A certain amount of flaunting is the prize for the one who's proven right.

One day, Madeline stepped on a playing card she'd dragged out of Zoe's room - I'm assuming it was Zoe's, because it was the eight of Tinkerbells. For some reason it stuck to the bottom of Maddie's foot, probably because it's been humid lately or maybe because she needs a bath. Whatever.  Apparently it felt funny, so she peeled it off. And then, because she's a toddler, she immediately proceeded to scream because (you guessed it) the card was no longer stuck to the bottom of her foot.

I tried showing her how to step on it and slide, but that didn't help. Gerry tried getting the card wet, but that didn't help, either. I was ready to let her scream herself right into a nap, but Gerry had one more idea.

"Here, baby, let's use Mommy's precious double-sided tape," he said to Maddie, digging through my pile of scrapbook supplies that nobody is supposed to touch because it's all precious,  which clearly he already knew.

"That's never going to stick," I protested because the card was wet, and maybe because I didn't want him to use my (precious) acid-free tape. I was clearly focusing on the wrong part of the situation, though, as I watched my husband tape a Tinkerbell playing card to the bottom of our baby's foot so she could walk on it.

Of course it worked.  Dang.

"When will you realize you married a smart dude?" Gerry couldn't help gloating.

Scoring a point for the Sullen Wives Club, I managed to indirectly call him a smart ass by retorting, "I believe you left out a word next to 'smart,' there."

"Oh, you mean 'very?'"

Damn.  He wins again.

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27 comments:

  1. Ahhh Google, the great equalizer. And please tell me why no one recognizes the sanctity of scrapbook supplies!?

    I like the way you and Gerry argue. It sounds a little like the Hubs and me, but taping a card to a baby's foot is priceless!

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    1. He'll do pretty much anything she wants, especially if it keeps her from being upset - he's kind of smitten with the child. I am too, but in more of a heartless sort of a way.

      I don't know why people don't respect the sanctity of sb supplies, but until they do, I wish someone would sell a really cute cardstock-covered bear trap I could set up as a deterrent.

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    2. If all the scrapbook supplies are sacred, then our house is like the Vatican of the scrapbooking world.

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  2. This happens frequently in our household, but I am normally the loser, due to the fact, that one, I am THE MOTHER and, oh, I wake up in the middle of the night, which results in some pretty crazy sleep deficiencies...so I'm saving all my smartness up for whenever my baby decides to sleep better, THEN, I might have a shot in our arguments.

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    1. Good strategy! There are a lot more argument-winning years ahead of you - let him have his fun for now. ;)

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  3. Ha! In my house, I never lose ;)

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    1. I never ADMIT to losing, which is almost the same thing. :)

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  4. I think the eye-rolling and the one-upping are standard criteria of marriages. Not sure why they haven't added it to the marriage vows yet...

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    1. Maybe because you don't want to set the standards right at the very beginning - if it's not in writing, you can always change the rules mid-game. ;)

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    1. Ha! I'm thinking of typing something out for our vow renewal ceremony - I might need to hit you up for notes. ;)

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  6. ~snicker~ you did kind of hold that one out for him to spike at the end there...but when it comes to the nanner-nanner-boo-boo game it is all about the QUANTITY not the quality so you should totally make a scrapbooky tally sheet for yourself and make glittery sparkly marks for every time you win, then on the rare occassions he gets to knock one out of the park you can just show him your immensely long tally sheet and smile beatifically, so that he knows you LET him win that one ;)

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    1. He does that to me all the time and I never see it coming. You'd think I'd be used to it by now...

      I love your chart idea - and I can tell you, the criteria for me getting a sparkly Win sticker will be slightly different from his. BECAUSE I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CHART! Too much?

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    2. Ah the glories of being a woman- you get points when you're right, plus bonus points for not rubbing it in. You also get points for putting up with their rubbing it in when they're right, plus bonus points for admitting they're right in the first place...I don't understand the meaning of 'too much' ;)

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    3. That would be a lot of work to do for a one page scrapbook-y thing. On the plus side, you'd have plenty of supplies left over to make me a giant gloat book of my own. :P

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    4. I don't really have a response for that - but I can't let you have the last word, so :P to you too!

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  7. Haha, I love husband/wife snarky/playful arguments. And the fact that google is the go-to mediator for 99 percent of them. :D

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    1. I don't understand how people stayed married before Google. Did they run to the library to settle disputes, or did they just ride it out for 60 years, each silently believing they were right and the other person was a stubborn ninny? Did they just LET IT GO??? Surely not - that doesn't sound like it could be right.

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  8. I (admittedly, VERY SARCASTICALLY) tell my husband that he's ALWAYS right...he married ME after all. :)

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    1. Excellent work-around; if you can't get them to admit they're wrong, at least wrap their victory in a compliment for yourself! ;)

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  9. Sounds about like our house - right down to the part where the Hub is over the moon about the Preschool Princess! But the eight of Tinkerbells was my favorite...mostly because I counted those just yesterday after six decks of cards were all jumbled together in my living room. Again.

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    1. Ha! I picked up some toys in our living room yesterday and found a few Tink cards, two regular playing cards that the baby holds while we're trying to play euchre, and one random card from the Pokemon Sorry deck. So essentially, all our card games are missing parts. We might be living in the same house. ;)

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  10. Oh...our husbands would get along swimmingly....so familiar!

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    1. We must never let them join forces!!! Of course I think we could give them a run for their money. ;)

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  11. Your husband sounds awesome! You are right about stuff every once in a while. And you generally eventually admit, begrudgingly, over the course of many hours, days, weeks, months or years, when I am right.

    By the way, if you weren't brilliant then I'd only be into you for your smokin' bod and naturally beautiful face. That would be shallow. And before you ask, "What about my awesome sense of humor?" I'm grouping that under "brilliant" because you wouldn't be so funny if you weren't so smart. :D

    I love you. Thanks for making me laugh.

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    1. DO YOU GUYS SEE WHAT HE DOES??? He starts off in deep trouble, but by the time he finishes talking you can't really justify being mad anymore. What a jerk.

      I mean, thanks, babe. Love you!

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