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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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House Hunters Drinking Game

Okay, I know I've griped on Facebook about House Hunters before, but I swear I really don't sit around all day watching the endless House Hunters marathon that is  HGTV.

Sometimes I get up for a snack.

Anyway, it's easy to complain about even if you only see one episode a month because it is, bar none, the most predictable, repetitive show of all time, but still somehow remains relatively watchable.

Which makes it perfect for a drinking game.

So get your beverage of choice ready (better make that the whole bottle) and get ready to play...

The House Hunters Drinking Game

ROUND ONE
Take a drink every time...

  • the homebuyers are under 25 and have a budget for their starter home that's roughly 57 times your own annual salary
  • the homebuyer claims to entertain a lot
  • there's a "candid" shot of the homebuyers crammed into their current bathroom during a voice over about how much they need double sinks
  • one homebuyer wants "old world charm" but the spouse wants something "modern and move-in ready."
  • the realtor says it's going to be a challenge, but she thinks she can find a property with all the things on their wish list
  • the homebuyers are unmarried and the woman hints that she expects a ring any day now
  • the guy dodges the engagement comment by saying he'd like to concentrate on finding a house first
  • someone uses the words "Man Cave"

ROUND TWO
Take two drinks every time...
  • there's a "candid" shot of the homebuyers taking a walk - bonus shot if they have a kid or a dog with them
  • someone hates the color of a room
  • someone points out a dated light fixture
  • someone says they were hoping for hardwood floors/granite counter tops/stainless steel appliances
  • the realtor says the phrase, "Well, that's an easy fix."
  • the woman quips, "Here's my  closet - I don't know where you're going to put your  stuff."
  • in a cut-away interview, the realtor confides to the cameraman that the homebuyers are going to have to lower their standards

ROUND THREE
Smash the empty bottle over your head every time...
  • the realtor gives up and shows them a third house that's $25K over budget
  • there's a "candid" shot of the homebuyers sitting in a pub or restaurant pretending to discuss their options
  • at the closing, the homebuyer says, "I feel like I'm signing my life away hahaha"
  • there's a shot of the homeowners in their new home chopping veggies and serving wine to their friends, who I strongly suspect are members of the House Hunters crew
Are we drunk yet? Yeah, I thought so.

You're welcome.

Which parts of House Hunters make YOU run to the liquor cabinet?

If you're not even tipsy,  please check your local listings; you might accidentally be watching Matlock. No problem, though - I've heard that clicking the banner below is as intoxicating and delightful as sipping a mimosa at 9:30 AM. You might as well try it - it might be true!
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49 comments:

  1. Hahaha! Yes, this is the perfect drinking game! I saw on Twitter that Michael Ian Black (comedian) live-tweeted during a few House Hunters International episodes. Sounds like comedy gold!

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    1. I can't believe I missed that - it makes me laugh just thinking about it! :)

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  2. Oh my gosh. SOOO true! And SOOO annoying. But, yeah, I can't turn away from that stinking show when it's on.

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    1. No, you can't look away, because you HAVE TO KNOW if you're right about which house they picked. That way you can say, "I knew it," or "What a couple of idiots," or "I knew they were a couple of idiots!"

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  3. Love this post. I love me some HH as well, but every time I watch I am convinced that my home is one step above an outhouse. I NEED alcohol when I watch that show! You need to box that game up and sell it!

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    1. Ha! Yeah, I get a complex watching that show - they're always acting like the houses they can get on their $1.2mil budget aren't good enough for them, and I'm thinking, "My master bedroom fits in that bathroom - the one you described as 'kinda small.'" So yes, I need alcohol, too! ;)

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  4. We would be drunk a lot. How about the fact that the titles of the episodes are often lengthier and more descriptive of the show than the actual description of the show. Here is a direct quote from our cable guide:
    House Hunters
    "John and Nikki Want to Buy a House in Austin, TX That He Can Upgrade But Is Still Move-in Ready Enough For Her." S45/Ep08, (2010), An architect wants a home in Austin that he can renovate, but his wife doesn't want to take on a big project. Their budget is $250,000. (Home & Garden, 30 Mins.).


    LEGAL DISCLAIMER: HTV and its affiliates are not responsible for any drunken shenanigans that result from playing this game. Also, don't really smash any bottles over your head.

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    1. Thanks for covering the legals, there. I forgot about those ridiculous descriptions - thanks for making your title longer and more descriptive than the summary. Stupid house hunters.

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  5. I am now going to play this game!!! My husband and I watch this show all the time and say the same things that you said.

    Will someone please explain why the relator always has to show them a house that is completely out of their price range? "I know your price range is 250K, but I found this darling house that's 400K, that I know you will just loooove".

    I'm waiting for the realtor to just completely disregard what the buyer wants and show them something out of state.

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    1. I had to read your comment to my husband because he wanted to know what I was laughing about. OF COURSE I'm going to love a house that's nearly double my budget - duuuhhhhh! But for real, I would watch that out of state episode e-v-e-r-y day. :)

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  6. Brilliant! This is right on the money. I shared this with my husband because we make the exact same comments every time we watch!

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    1. Good! We'll call you guys next time we play. ;)

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  7. Uhhhhh... I think I misread the beginning so I took a drink everytime *hiccup* .. every time you mentioned the show in your post *hiccup* but don't you wooorry. but As for my thoughts abot HOuse Chopped. I love that show, especially when *hiccup* when the chefs have to make a desert in the walk-in closets and then Tim Gunn comes in and is all MAKE IT WORKK!!! . Great psot .! GO COWBOYS!!! USA!

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    1. I thought that was a very well-composed comment, but then at the end it seemed like maybe you were drunk. Go COWBOYS?!?!? Thank you for reading my psot anyway, though.

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  8. Hilarious! My favorite drinking game was Star Wars but this might be my new favorite! Except now at I'm a parent, I'll have finished one beer and be ready for a nap!
    Stopping by from Finding The Funny!

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    1. I'm with you - my husband teases me about how little alcohol I can really handle these days. :)

      So glad you were here - thanks for visiting from FtheF!

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  9. This is too funny! You really nailed all my major irks about the show - every episode is exactly the same and yet I can't.stop.watching.

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    1. Same here! Half the time I watch a whole episode before I realize I've seen it before, because they ALL seem like I've seen them before.

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  10. Hmmm. This was pretty thorough.

    How about a shot for the obligatory Scenario in which the Homeowners Claim the House to be Perfect Until they Walk Out the Back Door and See an Interstate Running Through the Backyard?

    Off to share this on Facebook now. LOVE.

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    1. GOOD ONE!!! I totally forgot about The Backyard Disappointment Scene, followed closely by the Master Bedroom Scene In Which The Realtor Points Out That You Can Barely Hear The Traffic From Inside.

      Thanks so much for sharing - that's awfully sweet of you!

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  11. Yes!!!!! Robyn, why don't you live closer so we can play this every day? I couldn't have pegged it any better. I also can't stop watching it either, so there's that. I made a snarky comment about it in my current post, but you took it to a whole new glorious level.

    And while we're on the subject, how the hell do these kids just happen to have the cash to lay down a down payment for a 500,000 house? I just barely scraped together enough to buy something that was just a cut above "Sorry, but you're going to have to renovate everything in here so you can sleep at night."

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    1. I saw your post when it went up and it made me laugh out loud - "No one needs more than seven bathrooms." HA! I always knew we were totally on the same wavelength. :) And I'm 100% with you on the kids fresh out of high school who insist they need 5 bedrooms, a pool, a man cave, and a gourmet kitchen (even though they both agree that niether of them cook) while I can barely afford to buy fresh newspaper to tent over the kids at night.

      I'd say we should meet somewhere inbetween our houses to play a few quick episodes of this game, but I don't think either one of us has a car reliable enough to make it that far. I'm pretty sure we can play the speaker phone version, though. :)

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  12. How about a drink every time one of them gets into the bath tub fully clothed - and acts like they're being really funny and unique?

    Or drinking the entire bottle every time the girl seems like a real bitch.

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    1. Right! I so often wonder if they've ever even seen the show - you'd think they'd know how ridiculously overdone some of these jokes are!

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  13. So funny story...
    The show is staged.
    It's true. IT was on the news in Detroit. There was a couple who applied to be on the show and here were the rules...they had to have already purchased a house and had moved into it.
    The show came in and just picked 2 random houses in their neighborhood.
    Sigh...I haven't watched that show since.
    My liver thanks me.

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    1. GAH, I knew it!

      I was going to ask why the house they end up choosing/already live in looks all empty when they take the "tour," but then I remembered how long my house looked like I was moving out after I'd actually moved in . . .

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  14. Hilarious! That's all I can say. (found you at finding the funny)

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    1. Thanks so much - I appreciate you coming by! :)

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  15. How about a shot of vodka every time:

    They walk in the front door and say "OH WOW!"

    They looooove the crown molding and tray ceilings.

    They ask if the floors are laminate.

    They ask just what a bidet is.

    They argue over $1000 on a $825,000 home.

    They open the one drawer in the kitchen that clatters to the ground.

    I could go on and on but probably will need to pop by AA after this. Your post is so spot on, even my 17-year-old son was laughing. Well, partly at me because HGTV is my default channel. Fifty shades of house porn without the flogger.

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    1. So true! And I love your list - I'm sorry, but if you can't tell whether or not the floor is laminate then A) it shouldn't really matter to you and B) you clearly don't need real wood floors. :)

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  17. i've never seen an episode of House Hunters, unfortunately...however, i did make up a drinking game for Bait Car:
    A car gets stolen = 1 beer
    Theif says he was 'just gonna move the car for them strangers and then turn in the keys that was left in the igntion to the police = 1 shot
    The cops say 'look, look, the guy in the wifebeater is coming back for a second look!'= 1 beer + 1 shot
    I'm usually snookered about 7 minutes into the show, so i have no idea if they ever catch the bad guys or not...

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    1. I haven't seen that show in ages, but you're SO RIGHT! I'm tuning in for the next episode, drink in hand. ;)

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  18. Ok, well- I am supposed to be on an upcoming episode for their House Hunters International. I didn't have cable- so I have not seen this show before- but a friend said they were casting. Anyhow- I learned that it is indeed staged. I guess my question here is what would be the harm in saying something like 'So they're picked, can you guess which it is?' rather than play this charade. This all said- if you watch my episode- you must promise to play the drinking game and I will make sure that you get drunk as a skunk- or win. Whichever you prefer!

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    1. Drunk as a skunk IS winning! And I agree, the show would be different but just as good if they were up front about the house already being purchased.

      Please, PLEASE let me know when your episode is on - I have to see it!

      Delete
  19. Wow, you really 'ticked all the boxes', covering predictability, watchability, humor and drinking. Well done! And Cheers! (oh, wait - that's another show . . . )

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    1. Thanks! I firmly believe there's no point in playing a drinking game if there's not a 100% chance of getting hammered. ;)

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  20. Oh my gosh, this was so great that I had to go read it to my husband and suggest we try this game for a next cheap date night in - could be interesting! We are partial to House Hunters International when we go through our HGTV spells (we have 'spells' of it, yes). I am SO going to link this - you are not kidding - most predictable show on the planet but we can't stop watching!!!!!

    Great post!

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    1. Thanks so much! Sue from The Spin Cycle asked on facebook if there was a HH International version (I love that show, too). I told her, "Drink every time the house doesn't have the ocean view they were hoping for, they weren't prepared for the fact that people take their kitchens with them when they move, or they're excited about immersing themselves in the local culture. That oughtta do it." Never fear, I can get you tipsy no matter WHAT you're watching. ;)

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  21. I must add to take a shot every time someone says...

    "Oh look! A soaking tub!"

    "Ugh... more popcorn ceilings."

    "There's a slider leading out to the deck."

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    1. I just laughed out loud at that - PERFECT. those'll have to be added to the Anniversary Box Set version of the game. :)

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  22. Get your wine ready! July 11th is our air date :)

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  23. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for telling me - yaaaaayyyyyy! I put it in my calendar - can't wait!!! :D

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  25. "Wow!" and you have to take one drink.
    "OH Wow!" and you have to do a double.
    You're done before the end of even one show.

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  26. Seriously, you'd be passed out under the coffee table by the first commercial break!

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