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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns - A Familiar Stranger

Episode 5: A Familiar Stranger

Today's episode finds Sunny out for an afternoon stroll with the baby. As she passes her favorite cafe, undecided about whether or not she'd raise any eyebrows by stopping at the bar with her small companion, she hears a familiar voice behind her.

"Hey hot stuff, you sell fries with that shake?"

Sunny would know Buzz's voice anywhere, but she can't believe  he'd say such a thing to her - it's been years since he's paid her a compliment, and neither romance nor public displays of affection were ever his thing.

As she turns to girlishly scold him for his flirtation, she's surprised to see that it isn't Buzz after all.

Instead, she locks eyes with a man who looks a great deal like Buzz - but this couldn't possibly be him. His hair, his face, his smile, the adorable way his knees bend but his elbows don't - all identical.

But this man is wearing a blue  shirt.

"Whaaaaaat?"

Buzz always wears red,  because Sunny refuses to wash his clothes until he builds her a laundry room balcony.

Nevertheless, Sunny approaches the table to ask exactly what this man had meant by his bold inquiry. She intends to be indignant, to point out how rude it is to say something so vulgar to a perfect stranger, and to lecture him about how one should address a lady in polite society.

But when he offers her a beer from his pitcher, she decides she might as well sit down and be civil.

"Don't worry about the baby; I'm pretty sure
they offer free child care here. Somewhere."

__________________________________________________________________

Later that evening, Sunny's old friend Betty stops by to borrow half a bottle of wine. Since Betty didn't bring a container to transport it in, they decide it would be easiest for her to just take it home in her stomach.

"I'd better drink the other half of the bottle," Sunny reasons. "I hate leftovers."

"We's shlood do dis mer orften." they somehow say in unison.

Sunny tells Betty all about her strange encounter at the cafe. "He said he was just passing through town, but he also mentioned that he knows a lot of people around here," she reveals between gulps ladylike sips.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asks Betty, who I've just decided is a sassy, spunky lady who doesn't pull any punches or take any guff, plus other personality trait cliches.

Sunny isn't quite sure why he wouldn't be sticking around, if indeed it's true that he has a lot of friends in town. And who are these friends, exactly? And who is he  - had she even asked?


"Hmmmm . . . "

Sunny can't answer these questions though, and not just because her blood alcohol level is 52.7 after a full day of snacking on adult beverages. She'd been distracted while talking to the man, staring deeply into his unmoving, hypnotic black eyes - eyes that seemed so familiar, yet so mysterious.

Then he'd made an inappropriate comment about how hot she looked in her salmon-colored cardigan and she'd stormed off in a huff, right after chugging the rest of his pitcher (to teach him a lesson).

Nevertheless, the experience put her in the mood to have a few more drinks, preferably someplace where she doesn't have to keep putting her glass down to disentangle children from the curtains.

Betty is quick to agree when Sunny declares they need to have a girls' night out.

Sunny changes into her sexiest khaki slacks and leather clogs, then checks to make sure Buzz is available to stay home with the kids.

"Yeah sure whatever you say, I'm on it," Buzz mumbles.
::door slams behind Sunny::
"Honey, can you bring me the chips? . . . HONEY???
Now, where did that woman go?"

The girls are feeling good, all dressed up in fresh high-necked sweaters, liberally spritzing Avon body spray, ready to show the night who's boss at the new dance club downtown.

"Par-tay!"
"Woohoo!"
"I think my bra's on backwards."
"No, that's how a real one feels."
"Oh, I guess I'm just used to sports bras."

In a surprisingly lucid moment, Sunny remembers her new neighbor, Maggie. "I need to stop and pick someone up," she says to Betty, thinking it might be smart to get to know Maggie a little better, and reasoning that getting her drunk couldn't hurt.

Betty agrees wholeheartedly. Conveniently enough, Sunny has already smashed into Maggie's mailbox and skidded up into her front lawn.

Introductions are made all around.
Sunny casually mentions that a gang of hooligan kids has been
seen smashing into mailboxes with their cars lately.

Maggie serves a platter of organic ginseng green tea fiber cookies. Sunny and Betty exchange side eyes and quickly slam the remains of their Cinnamon Sprig Hot Cocoa Cider, the recipe for which Sunny had secretly tweaked with the contents of her flask.

"I'm so glad you two stopped by! I'd love us to go out to the club together - what kind of club is it? Book club? Bridge club? Oooooooh," Maggie squeals, getting excited, "is it a country club?"

"Time to go!" Sunny announces, standing so abruptly that she overturns her chair.

As a mother of school-aged children, Sunny has a highly developed sixth sense to detect people looking for volunteers. With all this club talk, she remembers that Maggie co-chairs the Humane Society's Orphaned Kitten Club. Sunny is suddenly acutely aware - and terrified - that she might soon be asked to knit tiny kitten eye patches or spend an afternoon serving up bowls of watered-down Fancy Feast.

"Noooooooo! Not community service!"

"Don't worry, you'll love this club," she quickly reassures Maggie, who finishes her secretly spiked cocoa as she's ushered toward the door. "We'd better get going! We want to snag a spot on the dance floor before it gets all sticky with spilled beer and partially dissolved roofies."

Will Sunny get some answers from Maggie, before she passes out from alcohol poisoning?
Will the girls discover the identity of this new mystery man?
Will the poor, orphaned kittens ever get some watered-down Fancy Feast and/or partially dissolved roofies?

The excitement continues next time! Until then, please feel free to catch up on previous episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns, and be sure to register your vote on the Fake Nielsen Ratings by clicking below!
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I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely.


48 comments:

  1. Please tell me you're going to make a book with all of these episodes. You are so so talented :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Believe me, if I thought there was a chance people would buy a book, I'd steal my kids' crayons and start production right now! ;)

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    2. http://blog2print.sharedbook.com/blogworld/printmyblog/index.html
      You can select which blog posts go into the book. Get cracking woman!

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    3. How am I just now seeing this comment??? Love your face!

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  2. This is just brilliant. I know I say this ever time, but, this really may be my favorite so far of the series. p.s. will you skid onto my lawn and hit my mailbox? *fingers crossed*

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    1. Any day, BPM, any day. Especially if I get to drink leftover wine with you afterwards. ;)

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    2. I don't understand--what is leftover wine?

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    3. Mmmm, good point! Maybe I need to invent a brand of wine called Leftover Wine; then I could say I was just going to polish off the leftover wine and still drink a full bottle or two without sounding like I need an intervention.

      Delete
  3. You know, I NEED a laundry room balcony too! Does it matter that my laundry is on the first floor? Nope. Love the khaki slacks and high necked sweaters. Such rebels! Excellent episode!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I want a laundry balcony, too, and my laundry room is in the basement - but I can dream, right?

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  4. Is that Santa's Little Helper stuck behind the TV? Wow this series just started and there's already guest star appearances!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Good eye! This is what happens when you furnish your dollhouse with things salvaged from a Happy Meal. Actually, their TV is quite a bit nicer than mine. I try not to get jealous of their stuff, though.

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  5. "But this man is wearing a BLUE shirt." dun dun dun! I love it. I have to watch what I say here, as I am privy to future plot developments...

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    1. Your discretion is appreciated, honey. I especially appreciate how you act like something bad would happen if there were a plotline leak; it's Big News, no doubt. ;)

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  6. I totally agree with Colleen:
    "Please tell me you're going to make a book with all of these episodes. You are so so talented!!!

    I absolutely love this series!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much! NOTE TO EDITORS AND AGENTS: I am so totally, unbelievably, incredibly available. CALL ME!

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  7. This is awesome! Lol I need to go back and start from the beginning.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! Good idea to backtrack now; the story's getting more convoluted every week. ;)

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  8. When I grow up I want to be you.

    So much brilliance in every episode.

    PS Can I pop over and borrow half a bottle of wine from you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I wish you could! Holding up my wine glass (okay, bottle - I skipped the glass) in your general direction - :)

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  9. I love this. I can't believe your kids allow you enough time to mess with their doll house like that. Totally cool inappropriate use of the Loving Family.

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    1. Thanks! At this point, I think I like playing in the dollhouse more than they do. :)

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  10. How am I just finding this?? LOL Hilarious, can't get enough, thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks! However you found us, I'm really glad you're here. :)

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  11. would LOVE to vote but can't find and dont have time to keep looking, what section and what page are you on and I will go votew for you! Kat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so awesome! Sorry, I know it's confusing; actually all you have to do is click the Top Mommy Blogs banner. They track which blog you came from automatically, and that's the vote. Once their page opens, you can just close it - you don't have to click anywhere else. Thanks SO MUCH for being here, and for voting! :)

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  12. This comment is probably going to end up three times on your page when I check tomorrow morning, but it keeps not showing up for me so...
    Your audience really needs to not let out spoiler alerts because Twitter was all atwitter about a mysterious stranger on As the Doll House Turns before I could tune in and see for myself. Spoiler alerts people!
    p.s. I suspect the mysterious stranger is Buzz's long lost twin brother who was raised by Transylvanian royalty and is an heir apparent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HOW DID YOU GUESS??? Hey, thanks for commenting even after it wouldn't go through the first 59 times. And of course I was no help on Twitter because I can't read and didn't realize you were talking about comments- I thought you meant the page wouldn't open at all. Derp. Anyway, I'll have a stern discussion with twitter at large regarding spoilers. ;)

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  13. I'm going to back up the book idea. Do you know how much I would love to have all of these episodes leather-bound and on my coffee table?...can you say, "Christmas presents for everyone"?

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    1. Right??? Now that they're not printing the encyclopedia anymore, people are going to need some impressive-looking books to take up all that shelf space.

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  14. AMEN! Book---I will buy! As long as they're cheap ;) I need answers about Hulk, and WHO is this mystery man in blue?

    The suspense is killing me. No really.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. All in good time, my dear, all in good time. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
      Sorry, I don't know what that was about. I guess all soap operas need an evil laugh eventually. ;)

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  15. Love how the dollhouse daytime drama so closely mimics real life like when the husband agrees to watch the kids while Sunny goes out & then wonders where the hell she is. Also love the dramatic close-up shots.

    Also heart "Sunny can't answer these questions though, and not just because her blood alcohol level is 52.7" Genius.

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    1. Thanks! I'll let Gerry know you liked the close-ups; they were his idea. :) (Of course, Buzz not knowing where Sunny went was mine. Heh heh.)

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  16. I'd wager that you spend a small fortune on doll hair stylist fees, no? Love, love, love, the windblown party hair in the car.

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, the budget for this show is starting to get out of hand, especially since Sunny started demanding lobster for lunch every day in her trailer.

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  17. Who would have thought dolls could lead such drama filled lives. ;)

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    1. Right? It sure was a surprise to me!

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  18. Love this series!!! You are brilliant. Always crack me up. And I read through all the comments this time and they cracked me up too!

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    1. Thanks so much! And I agree about the comments; most of the people who read HTV are way funnier than I am, so the comments are usually the best part. :)

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  19. Oh! I love a man whos legs bend but not his arms....all the good ones are gone, or mysteriously unavailable. Love it as usual love!
    Devan
    (BTW, I am getting your posts in my Google feed thingy still, and just once each) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that so true? ;)

      Thanks so much for reading, and for the reassurance that I didn't kill my blog by tinkering with it in the innerweb!

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  20. I want these guys lives. I feel really boring after reading about your dolls. Yeah, I just said that.

    www.toulouseandtonic.com

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    1. Ha! I bet that's not something you woke up thinking you'd say today.

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    2. I do so enjoy surprising myself. It makes me feel like there's personal growth going on. ; )

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  21. You are so screwed up in the head in the very very best way possible. Please move to New Jersey and be my neighbor.

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    1. My bags are packed - I thought you'd never ask. ;)

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?