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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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What I've Decided My Kids Like Best About Summer So Far

Yesterday, I asked my kids what their favorite part of summer has been so far.

"Spending time with you," gushed 7-year-old Zoe, wide-eyed and smiling, even though I hardly ever spend any time with them but at that moment just happened to be elbow-deep in her dollhouse.

Shrewd. She really knows how to work a situation.

"Hot weather and sweating," supplied 10-year-old Jake with a smirk, always looking for an opportunity to exercise his budding sarcasm skills.

Clearly I wasn't going to get a straight answer out of them.

"Okay," I decided to change course a bit, "then why don't you tell me a few things that remind you of summer? What would your perfect summer day be?"

"Sweating! Hot weather!"

"Just... being with you... in the summer."

Mama’s Losin’ ItThis was all very sweet and high-larious, but how was I going to participate in Mama Kat's writer's workshop this week if my darling children wouldn't cooperate with the prompt, "Ask your child what their favorite part of Summer has been and then blog about it"?

I thought all was lost, until I realized I can just do what I always do: answer for them, and then not offer them any kind of a chance for rebuttal.  That's what having a blog is all about - amiright?


For Zoe, I would say one of her favorite parts of summer has been sleepovers at Gran's house. My mom moved nearby relatively recently, and one of the biggest benefits to all of us (except for my mom) is that occasionally the kids spend the night over there.

As The Gran she's at liberty to be quite a bit more permissive than we are, but Zoe took it to a whole new level when she got up to go to the bathroom one night and my mom heard her rustling around in the kitchen. Going to investigate, my mom asked her what she was doing.

"Getting candy," Zoe said, matter-of-factly.

Shocked, my mom said, "Now, why would you do that? You'd never try to eat candy in the middle of the night at your house!"

"That's because we don't have any candy at my house," my daughter retorted. I'm hoping that isn't the only reason - however, I am glad to learn she hasn't found my hiding places yet. Anyway, although she didn't get to eat a roll of Smarties at 2 AM, I'm still willing to bet Gran's house is Zoe's favorite part of summer.

As for Jake, I believe his summer highlight was the death of the tooth fairy.

This is what happens when you tell your son at age 5
that you'll never force him to get a haircut against
his will and he ends up having a really good memory.
He's been very suspicious of the Tooth Fairy the past several months, and grew bold enough to finally accuse me (ME!) of being the one stealing his teeth. One night as I tucked him in, he demanded to know what I'd been doing with them all these years.

"I don't want your disgusting old teeth," I told him. Which technically is true, yet he persisted.

"I made them into a necklace that I use for tribal rain dances." He didn't buy it.

"I wear them as my own teeth - when parents' adult teeth fall out, we replace them with our kids' baby teeth." No sale. Finally, he hit me with some news I wasn't expecting.

He said, "I know you're the tooth fairy, because I lost a tooth and put it under my pillow last night without telling you, and it's still there."

I tried to make up some story about how parents have to send notification to the tooth fairy to tell her to come, but I stopped. He was looking at me knowingly, with his big 10-year-old eyes peering out from under his mop of hair, and he said once more, slowly, "Where are my teeth?" Which is sort of creepy, if you think about it.

Finally, I said, "They're in your baby book," and kissed him goodnight on the forehead.

I don't know if I've ever seen him look happier, or more self-satisfied, or more grown up, but I'd be awfully surprised if that wasn't one of his favorite parts of summer so far.


Please click the banner once to vote!  Then I'm off to do some incredible summer stuff with my kids, because the favorite moments I picked on their behalf are kind of pathetic.
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43 comments:

  1. Wait, we're supposed to save those teeth? Oh man, I'm doing it wrong.

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    1. That's okay, just get some white Chicklets. Do they still make Chicklets?

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  2. Um, my baby books don't have a spot for teeth. Seriously, What DO we do with them...Hang on, My Mom is zonked in the chair next to me, lemme ask..........................................................................................................Ok, she said she saved them for a bit then threw them out. At what point does one decide to chuck those babies? Green and stinky?

    Oh, and your kids are seriously beautiful.

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    1. Thank you! I'd actually forced them through the shower that day. And you might be surprised at how incredibly lumpy my kids' baby books are. With all the teeth and hair clippings, I practically have spare children.

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  3. Oh man, finding out the tooth fairy/easter bunny/santa clause isn't real will be the worst day for me EVER. I savor all that magic! Maybe it truly is different with boys though.

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    1. Yes, I had a very grown-up heart to heart with him about his responsibility to carry on the magic for his little sisters. So it's different, but I think it'll be special in a new way. Plus, now I don't have to pay for his teeth anymore!

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  4. Good mama on the Tooth Fairy front. My Twin A has her all figured out but is still going strong with the Easter Bunny and Santa. My heart already breaks for those times. But until "those times" have arrived? I'll guilt them with a "Santa's watching" whenever the opportunity presents itself.

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    1. Me too! I almost wanted to ask why he's so suspicious of the tooth fairy, but not Santa or the Easter bunny, but I guess I'll just have to wonder. I suspect it has something to do with not wanting to give up all that candy and the toys. :)

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  5. Thank you so very much for the moring chuckle! I too have wondered how and when I will also have to fess up to the hard workings of the tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa, and christmas elves! I love that you were honest, as I know my little guy will call me out as well.

    The midnight snack also made me laugh as we recently had a similar story, when my yougest stayed the night with Grandma. He got up super early in the morning, and was found eating half a bag of chex party mix.

    Thank you for writing and sharing, visiting via Mama Kats! Have a great weekened!

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    1. All I can say is that I can see why parents are always so eager to become grandparents! It seems like a pretty sweet gig. :)

      Thanks a lot for visiting - you have a great weekend, too!

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    2. You are 100% correct, the Grandparenty Thing is a very sweet deal. It's the reward for doing the Parenty Thing. I still loved being your parental unit, but there was more responsibility and less candy involved.

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    3. Oh sure, but that was the old-timey way of doing it! Now it's all candy in lieu of responsibility. I'm pretty sure.

      P.S. Being your kid was a pretty sweet gig, too. :)

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  6. Ah...there is a 15 yo girl in my house, who only gave up on the tooth fairy's existence last year. Some three years since she'd lost a tooth.

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    1. Aww, that's sweet. :) As I recall, I continued to pretend to believe in all those mythical creatures long after I really did, suspecting that I'd be missing out on the cash and prizes if I let on that I was wise to them. ;)

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  7. I remember the feeling of disappointment when I discovered the tooth fairy didn't exist. As if senior year in college wasn't hard enough.

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    1. At least you had a long list of late-80s rock ballads to remember fondly and comfort you in your time of need. What did people do when they needed comfort before the world had Richard Marx?

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  8. That was clever to tie in how eating candy goes together with losing teeth. And thanks for the warning about telling your 5-year-old you won't force them to get a haircut against their will. I'll heed that advice. :)

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    1. Please do! And thanks for giving me so much credit in the writing/planning department - I only WISH I'd intended to make that connection! :)

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  9. I can't help but notice that both answers have something to do with losing teeth.

    And you (and Jake?) may be a bit distressed to find out that his teeth are no longer in the baby book. I ground them up to make bread. Wah waaaah.

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    1. I'm sure the sheer weight of those baby books had crushed the teeth long ago. ;)

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  10. Great funny post! My son was in denial about no tooth fairy even though I TRIED to tell him..he kept that old tooth under his pillow for a week..finally I caved and put a $5 …which he smugly showed me the next day…sigh…thanks for sharing :)

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    1. Ha! I have a feeling that's how my daughter will be. :)

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  11. ~snicker~ tell him the tooth fairy did it on purpose because she doesn't like smartasses AND NEITHER DOES SANTA CLAUS! what happened to the good old days, when the stories that you told your kids were supposed to scare the ever loving sh*t out of them...wistful sigh...

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    1. I wish I'd talked to you about it before this happened - THAT sure would've straightened him out! I don't know when kids started questioning the ultimate authority of their parents and all the cockamamie stories we tell them, but I don't like it one bit.

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  12. This reminds me of the Christmas that I was going through all the "Santa's Coming" preparations when my then 4 yr old looked at me and very seriously announced he needed to talk to me. We go sit on the sofa and he gently take my hand and says: "Mom, I don't want to ruin Christmas for you, but you do realize there really isn't a Santa Clause, don't you? I mean it's alright and we can still pretend if you need to but your old enough to know he doesn't exist except on television." He then bounced up and went on about his business with this parting shot: "I just thought you should know, it makes you look a little silly."

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    1. Bwahahaha - that's hilarious! Thank goodness he was there to help you out - I'd hate for you to be embarrassed in front of your friends. ;)

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  13. "Where are my teeth?" Ha! I bet he felt so grown up for figuring it out. Smart kid, setting that trap!

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    1. I know! I'm going to have to seriously up my game, I think.

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  14. I need to do this with my kids tonight. And then make up answers for them - because you're totally right.

    My oldest girl kind of figured out the whole tooth fairy thing in a gross way that makes me seem like an excellent parent. I always made them put their teeth in a ziploc bag under their pillows, so they would be easier for me to grab without digging around looking for a tooth. Generally, I would then shove that tooth-in-ziploc-bag in my nightstand drawer and go back to sleep. So she found the drawer full of old teeth in ziploc bags :)

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    1. Hahaha! I could see that happening to me - my baby book plan isn't any better, since from time to time they want to look at their baby pictures and I have to carefully guide them past the tooth page (seems macabre) so they don't see it. :)

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  15. Clever boy! But, wait...you kept their nasty little teeth? They have books full of teeth and hair? Something about detached teeth and hair really makes me uneasy.

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    1. You think THAT'S odd? I saved all my kids' belly button lint and knitted myself a sweater out of it.

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    2. Don't forget the jars of fingernail clippings!

      Seriously, though, I think with the first kid I just didn't know what to do with his teeth, so I kept them - throwing them in the trash didn't seem quite right. Then I had to do the same for the other kids because... I don't know why, really. Probably because I didn't want to hear the whining later. "You don't love me because you kept his body parts and not mine!" It could happen.

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  16. Ok, I wanna hang out with you and your kids. I know that sounds creepy, but after all that stuff about keeping teeth I suppose you wouldn't mind some blog lovin? I was laughing out loud at the conversation with your son. And your daughter sounds like quite the smartie pants as well. My daughter is only four and not quite so subtle. I cant wait til she tries that kind of stuff! Hehehe! Even though they didn't give you the answers you were looking for, i think they supply you with plenty of material!

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    1. You're right about that! And you're perfectly welcome to hang out with us, as long as you like unkempt, smartass women and kids with no verbal filters. :)

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  17. noooo!!!! not the tooth fairy! watty suspects, but isn't ready to admit. last time he asked me, i assured them that the tooth fairy was every bit as real as santa claus.

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    1. Excellent dodge! It seems they're unwilling to let go of Santa for much longer, so this'll keep him guessing. :)

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  18. Busted! He really set you up. You are going to have to stay on your toes during the teen years!

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    1. NOT THE TEEN YEARS!!!! I prefer to remain in denial.

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  19. I too answered this "prompt" for my kids - or for one of my kids. I told my story of my 2-year-old's favorite summer experience in what I though would be his voice :)

    Sad to see the death of the tooth fairy. My 9-year-old has as a self imposed "don't ask, don't tell" policy - which suits me just fine as my 6-year-old is about to lose another tooth and I really don't want her ruining the fun for him!.

    How genius of your son to outsmart you by not telling you about losing his tooth! Hilarious! ;)

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    1. Jake has strict instructions to keep the magic going for his sisters, and I predict he'll be really good about it. Until they get in a fight and he trumps all their insults with, "Oh yeah? Well the tooth fairy isn't real!" I think a don't ask don't tell policy would come in really handy in most parenting situations; I wonder if my kids would go for it...

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  20. Oh, my God! "Where are my teeth?" I'm tearing up, I'm laughing so hard!

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    1. Boy, he really got me with that one. Can you imagine how hard it was not to laugh when he was asking me??? His face was so serious!

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