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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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As The Dollhouse Turns

Episode 1: The Morning Routine

Our scene opens on a typical family in their typical, suburban, one bedroom zero bath four-story mansion.


"Untrue - we DO have a bathroom.  But the shower
is actually a grandfather clock and we pee in the sink,
so I can see how you'd make that mistake."

The lady of the house, Sunny Indenial, gets a jump-start on planning her day thanks to the fact that the children rolled out of bed at 5 AM and poured themselves several bowls of Kellogg's Krack-Koated Kandy Bomb cereal, then promptly started zinging around the house like it was a pinball machine.

Though awake, the world is dead to Sunny until she finishes her first four pots of coffee.

"So far, so good," says Sunny, refusing to turn around.

"Let's see..."  Sunny makes a to-do list for the morning.  "Laundry, dishes, write thank you notes for last year's Christmas gifts, plan elaborate birthday party for a five-year-old at which point she'll decide she hates [insert party theme here] and only likes [insert something I've never even heard of here], patch favorite yoga pants - if hole's too large, create cut-off yoga shorts, dust ceiling fan blades..."

But of course the first priority requires heading straight for the computer.

"Children, please occupy yourselves quietly while Mommy checks her Twitter feed, Facebook updates, email, blog stats, and sends some hate mail to Groupon, whose discount offers for skydiving lessons and exotic vacations are clearly intended for someone with a more exciting life than mine and are sucking the life force from my soul," Sunny chirps happily to her obedient brood.

As usual, the children leave her in peace to attend to her business.



About one tenth of the way into her task list, suddenly - oh no wait, I meant constantly  - her adorable cherubs request snacks in the form of Pizza Bites and aerosol cheese and Oreo cookies.  After determining that there's no food in the house other than boxed wine and her secret hoard of chocolate, Sunny is thrilled to gather everyone together for a trip to the grocery.

She takes four seconds alone in the bathroom to freshen up her ponytail before the baby toddles in, mysteriously naked and covered in an unidentified purple substance.

The baby cleaned, shoes located, and whining tuned to a dull roar, Sunny is able to silence the other 10,000 demands for her attention that bombard her from every conceivable angle every single moment of the day and drive, fully focused and alert, to the grocery store.


She manages to keep her social media impulses in check until she gets home, but then it's back to multitasking as she puts the food away while updating her Facebook status on her iPhone.

"Who says I can't do it all?"

Then it's time for a quick walk; fresh air is so good for the children.  Wait, where are  those children? 

That gives Sunny a good idea for a blog post - better make a note of it while inspiration strikes!



"Oh, there you are, you little scamps," Sunny says when she arrives home with the empty stroller.



"Yes, Mommy," says little Charmeuse.  "We just finished watching Sex and the City  and deleted all your shows from the DVR."

"We also ate that birthday cake you were working on," young Chenille chimes in.

"BOOBIES," announces baby Chiffon.

"Excellent, darlings," coos Sunny proudly.  "Now please entertain yourselves for a bit while I scour Pinterest for cute DIY straight jacket patterns."



One click on the Top Mommy Blogs banner will give Sunny the strength she needs to carry through until her next dose of medication.
Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

More episodes of As The Dollhouse Turns can be seen here - tune in!

I'm linked up today with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, responding to the prompt, "Your morning routine."
Mama’s Losin’ It


I hope you enjoyed yourself while you were here - and I hope you come back! Please share inappropriate giggles with me on Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook, or subscribe via email so you don't miss a thing - and so I don't get all lonely. I get extra-pathetic when I'm lonely.


55 comments:

  1. Second episode, please! I can't WAIT to read the episode about bedtime. (like how I pretty much just commanded you to continue doing this, even though I can tell how much work playing with those dollies was?)

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    1. The hardest part was to NOT let the kids play in the dollhouse while I was monopolizing it - in 80% of the pictures, the characters are being terrorized by a giant baby hand.

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  2. That was hysterical! You've made me feel better about the way my daughter acts out cop show dramas in her Barbie house. I may have given her the idea in the first place :)

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    1. Ooh, I'd take cop show dramas any day - every time I turn around my daughter has two of the dolls making out (and no, I don't really let her watch Sex and the City). ;)

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  3. I think you might have made playing with Ball's doll house bearable. That Sunny has a pretty great life!

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    1. At least she believes she does, which is half the battle. :)

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  4. Hahaha! I love that the baby is on the roof of the car. The Indenials must be related to the Romneys.

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    1. Hahahaha! I hadn't thought of that angle - special guest appearance, maybe?

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  5. Brilliant!! I hope you have special holiday episodes :)

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  6. :DDD I love it, but it looks uncomfortably familiar...

    We have to get more brown-haired dolls.

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    1. Yeah, I know - I had to crawl under Zoe's bed just to retrieve the brunette mom.

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  7. strangely disturbing in a familiar kind of way. funny in ways i don't want to admit. can't WAIT for the next episode.

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    1. I'm glad you could relate - but also really sorry you could relate. ;)

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  8. Ahh, so that's how moms are supposed to stay sane. Too bad we only had Hot Wheels and racetracks - which is probably why I lost my mind around the time the youngest hit 2.

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    1. Yes, a daughter (or, more specifically, a daughter's toys) are the key to a mother remaining somewhat sane. Hot Wheels only make it worse. ;)

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  9. This is awesome. I can't wait until you get to the point where you are doing stop-motion animation episodes.

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    1. I won't have time for that until well after the children move out. Unless this is your way of offering to take the kids off my hands for the rest of the summer? Oh course it is - I'll send them right over!

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  10. I absolutely loved this, throw out the small children, add dogs and a couple of teenagers and THIS is my morning routine. Oh and since mine drive when they want food they get a "Go get it yourself, can't you see I'm blogging? Pick me up something too while your there"

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    1. Do you think 10 is too young for me to expect my son to do this?!?! Actually we also have a 17yo and a 21yo, and NEITHER OF THEM have a driver's license - BY CHOICE, which would've been unheard of when I was a kid, when everyone rushed out the millisecond they turned 16 to get their license. But it's not too popular in these parts, probably because of all the errands that would result. :)

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  11. Damnit, now I need to go and change my pants.
    Hilarious! So glad I pressured you into doing this ;-)

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    1. Thanks! And I'm glad you did, too - you know you are the wind beneath my wings, honey.

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  12. This will surely be a blog staple/repeat/awesome slice of life??? Don't ever stop doing this or I'll find you. Brilliant, woman.

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    1. Thanks, lady! ::bows deeply:: I'm sure I'll be revisiting the drama of the dollhouse, whether I like it or not. ;)

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  13. You have to find the Mother-in-Law doll for next week! I love this SO much. As if there was any doubt.

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    1. I LOVE the MIL idea - I think we even have an old lady doll at my mom's house (starts planning...). I'm probably going to have to confiscate the dollhouse for myself after all this. I'll let the girl play in a shoe box or something.

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  14. OKAY wait am I the only one that caught...you forgot your own name??? I do believe you started out as Sunny then somewhere a Sally was entered and then Sunny came back. I was trying to get the characters right because nothing is worst then to catch the next episode with new characters and ...wth...who are they so....Is the mom's name Sunny or Sally?? I will be tuning in for the next episode and I think I just might DVR this show. Oh so exciting to see what happens next. Loved this L O V E LOVED it!!!!

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    1. so the plot thickens I reread this thinking maybe Sally was one of the cherubs but no they have adorable little names. So it seems that while out on the walk??? hmmm this will be tough to wait for I might have to call in sick so as not to miss the beginning or middle or??? Dang it I thought I had beat this soap habit UGH!! Signing off-----

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    2. Very astute observation! I did actually accidentally change her name to sally for a few lines - thanks for pointing that out! I got it fixed - chalking that mistake up to only having three pots of coffee. :)

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  15. Ha ha ha! Oh my goodness! This was so freaking funny. So glad I stopped by from Mama Kat's! The photos are brilliant!

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    1. Thank you so much! I'm glad you stopped by, too!

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  16. Oh you have taken it to the next level fo sho girlfriend. I am jealous of this awesome medium you found! Cant wait to hear more. When are we gonna see a mexican gardener or pool boy? hmmm

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    1. Hahaha - new episodes are going to be fun, no doubt. ;)

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  17. Popped in from Mama Kat's! The dollhouse scenes are pure gold. Love it!

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  18. Absolutely outrageous and extraordinary - in so many ways.

    I caught myself coveting the dollhouse. LOL, my kids are in college and my girl's fisher price houses were not nearly that cool. Reminded me I saved that dollhouse for grandchildren! Good move!

    Yes, you're on to something now - LOVE the MIL idea, , , omg,, could we have fun writing that script!!!!!!

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    1. Wow, thanks! You sure won't be sorry you saved that dollhouse - I wish I had the one I grew up playing with, and best of all, any dollhouse occupies kids for hours! Okay, and me, too... ;)

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  19. Hilarious! Omg, I envy your writing. So good and funny!

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  20. I just sprayed coffee, while reading and laughing at your post! Too funny!

    Stopping by via Mama Kats! Keep the episodes coming!

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    1. Thanks, I will (and sorry about the coffee - that's valuable stuff in the morning)!

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  21. OH MY GOSH! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this!!!!! So funny and awesome, you had me laughing in tears!

    I just followed/joined you blog, I hope you can do the same for me!!! Stopping by via Mama Kat!
    ~Jessica
    http://takeitlikeamommy.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks so much for visiting - glad you got a laugh! :D

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  22. That is so cute! I love how you told the story with the dollhouse pictures. :)

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    1. Thanks! Finally, the piles of toys begin to pay off...

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  23. This is toooo funny! Loved it!!
    Well done.

    Blissful Blessings,
    Nicki G. The Blissful Wife
    www.blissfulvida.com

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  24. Liked the 4 pots of coffee detail & the kids watching Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons on TV when Sunny gets back.

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    1. It was either that or Kent Brockman, and you know they wouldn't be watching the news. ;)

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  25. Hello My Name is Janice and i am a recovering Soap addict... shhh thats the only reason I caught the enter Sally name thing, like I said I am hooked from 1 episode so you must do more this is A W E S O M E!!!

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    1. Not to worry, I'm sure there will be more episodes to come... :)

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  26. I bow to your story telling skills. These pictures were AWESOME!

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    1. Well thank you, Mama Kat! That means a lot coming from you. :)

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  27. Just stopped by via MamaKat's writing prompts. This was too too funny. I KNEW that dollhouse in our living room had other uses! Really enjoyed the visit here. :)

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    1. And you were right - I just knew there was no way that plastic mom was better at mothering than me, despite what I usually hear when my daughter's playing in there. ;) Thanks for visiting!

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?