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Hollow Tree Ventures parenting humor
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Popsicles and The Posh Mom

I was doing some research for this blog (Googling something stupid and juvenile, no doubt) when I saw this:





I immediately pinned it to one of my Pinterest boards, the one that I've so aptly titled "Food I'll Never Make," and spent the next few hours mopping up my saliva.

But do you know what?

I did  make them.

Now, of course I didn't make them how you're supposed to make them.  This is still me  we're talking about.

I didn't get blueberries or raspberries, because apparently right now they're only being farmed on the moon and transported to my local grocer via diamond-encrusted courier pigeons for the bargain price of eleventy hundred billion gold doubloons per ounce.  So I got cherries instead, which is close enough in my book.  Or rather, Gerry got cherries, because he does all our grocery shopping while I sit at home eating popsicles and blogging about it.

I also didn't measure any of the ingredients, because measuring takes too long and that's  how impatient I am, and also, the laziness.

I also didn't follow the instructions on the popsicle molds (another thing Gerry went out to get for me, probably to stem the tide of saliva that was starting to damage our furniture).  I yanked the stick right out of the frozen treat when it stubbornly refused to come unsheathed, and thus the early popsicle prototypes were eaten directly out of the popsicle mold with an infant spoon instead of as a more presentable popsicle-shaped popsicle.  It wasn't my most elegant moment, but whatever - it was worth it.

Delicious.

Later, I got the hang of Frozen Popsicle Extraction and presented them to some eager children.  Did they like them?  Um, I think yes.


This brief, shining moment of culinary and parenting success brought to you by... Posh Mom.

Yes, the perfect mom from my kids' school, the one married to Posh Dad creating a Sophisticated Supercouple that no one can live up to in overall coolness.  The one with magazine hair, the one who wears ballet flats and skinny jeans to pick up the kids in the afternoon and probably only wears yoga pants to do actual yoga, the one whose kids never misbehave, the one whose very existence causes me to suffer a debilitating inferiority complex.

How did she inspire my great popsicle achievement?  I'll tell you.

She was at WalMart.

Granted, it was the "good" WalMart, the slightly less trashy one on the nicer side of town, but nevertheless she was shopping at WalMart when I assumed she only showed her face at Lands End and Pottery Barn.  Not only that, but (wait for it...) her baby was in the cart having a screaming, obnoxious, Stage-9 Meltdown hissy fit in the checkout lane.  And what's more, her Brad Pitt look-a-like 7 year old son had paper cups from a grocery section food sample hanging from his ears.

She, of course, was dressed to the nines, even just for WalMart, but I like to imagine that her stony-faced, composed exterior was not the sign of a woman filled with a sense of superiority and contempt for her surroundings, but instead belied a kindred spirit behind those dead eyes, a fellow mother crushed by the necessity of shopping at WalMart with unruly children.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want her to be unhappy - I was just surprised to see her being... normal.

So I thought, "Maybe Posh Mom doesn't, in fact, live in a remote castle with a team of personal shoppers and hair pixies and professional stylists, where she gets Botox injections every morning while the nanny prepares breakfast for the children.

"And if it's possible that someone like Posh Mom is just some regular old mom who shops at WalMart with the rest of us, maybe I'm  the kind of mom who can whip up an actual food item she found on Pinterest!"

I don't know about Posh Mom, but I think there might be hope for me yet.

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31 comments:

  1. You know, I never truly gain respect for a mom until I see them and their children having a breakdown....Being at Walmart only makes it better. I'm nice like that. Nice job on the popsicles :)

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    1. Glad it isn't just me. :) And thanks - I just wish I weren't eating them by the batch-ful in one sitting. ;)

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  2. Ooooh...I'm getting the over-whelming urge to run out and buy Popsicle molds. But that would entail me taking the twins to Walmart, and we all know how we feel about that. I'm gonna have to get all dressed up and flat iron my hair and put on makeup. It is Walmart, you know. But I reeeeeeallly want a Popsicle.

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    1. Wait until you have the same realization that I had the other day - that you could probably freeze PUDDING in those things. After you get dressed up for WalMart (i.e. your good sweats with "juicy" across the butt) please pick out a nice tarp for me - I'm going to need something to wear after I eat ALL THE PUDDING.

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  3. If posh mom is really one of us, I feel like I might just TRY to take a shower today. Oh, and the kids with the popsicles...cuteness overload.

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    1. Trying to take a shower is just as good as taking one, as we all know it's the thought that counts.

      And yes, the kids are pretty cute when their mouths are filled with something other than sass. ;)

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  4. You're right, measuring stuff takes too long. Glad they turned out anyway.
    Did you say Hi to Posh Mom when you saw her or quietly smile to yourself and hide behind a pillar while you observed her Wal Mart shopping habits? I know what I would have done.

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    1. Negative on the hello, but her son did say hi to Zoe, which sent her straight over the moon because she already has their wedding planned. :)

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  5. my life hasn't been the same since i spotted my local posh mom at (wait for it...) THE RESALE SHOP!!!!!!!!

    do a happy dance with me. :)

    there's nothing wrong with being there... my kids wore "experienced clothing" as long as i could find it. but still... posh mom? buying experienced dresses for posh girl?

    ps - the popsicles look yummy and the kids are adorable.

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    1. Oh, I'm SO happy dancing with you! And I l-o-v-e the term "experienced clothing." Some of our clothes have been around the block a few (eleven hundred) times, and "experienced clothing" sounds so much nicer than "used-up rags." :)

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  6. OMG, pudding! I really miss Jello Pudding Pops! Considering faking a medical emergency and going home to make pudding pops. Mmmmmmm, pudding.

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    1. Now I really want a Pudding Pop!

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    2. Me too, yet somehow I keep forgetting to make them. So when the craving hits I have no frozen goodies, and the best I could do is just make the pudding and eat it unfrozen, which frankly sounds like eating gruel by comparison. (First World Problems)

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  7. So, Posh mom isn't as Posh as you thought...interesting! I really was going to comment something else, then I saw the comment above about pudding pops, and now that's all I want...as stated in my comment above. Hi...my name is Miss Obvious...

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    1. I guess not - I'll never look at her the same way again - one more reason to be eager for school to start. :)

      If you make those pudding pops, please send pictures so I can lick my screen.

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  8. Love that your kids love these! Thanks for the link back and all the smiles. Posh Mom, huh? hehe Love it!

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    1. Look everybody, it's the creator of Delicious Popsicle Deliciousness!!! Thanks for coming, I hope I didn't diminish the awesomeness of your 'sicles too much by screwing them up on my first several attempts. :)

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  9. I bet you could also put wine in those popsicle molds.

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    1. THIS is why we're friends. Or at least why I like to pretend in my head that we're friends. Well, this and the 80's trivia.

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  10. Love the Zombie-esque expressions of Popsicle delirium on your kids' faces! PAAAAAHHHHHPSIIIIIIIICLLLLLLLLE.....They look super yummy. And like something I will never make. Even if my stalking DID lead me to the good Walmart to see you and Poshmom shopping at the same time.

    And can I just tell you, I hate Walmart. There is something in the air there that not only makes my kids act like Rabid Howler Monkeys times infinity, but I suddenly become White Trashy Momma and start yelling at them and making threats that sound CPS-worthy (that they know I would never do). All I need is a set of pink squashy rollers, house slippers and clothes that are way to small for my ample frame to achieve total People of Walmart status. Seriously, there is something about that place...

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    1. I agree. Gerry makes me put foil hats on the kids whenever I take them there so their IQ points don't get sucked out.

      FACT: WalMart is one of the few places where you can wear a foil hat and not get a second glance.

      ANOTHER FACT: I'm still laughing at PAAAAAHHHHHPSIIIIIIIICLLLLLLLLE.....

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  11. Gerry sounds awesome! And I hear he won't shop at Wally World, and that the popsicle molds actually came from Meijer's because he won't shop at Wally World. I also hear that you're going to be enjoying a frozen raspberry-lemonade gatorade vodka-rita later.

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    1. There are so many excellent reasons for loving you revealed in that comment, and yet your incredible hotness keeps topping the list.

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  12. so today i used the word 'eleventy' in a story full of exaggerations and couldn't for the life of me figure out where the hell THAT had come from...ahem...but you just gave me hope that maybe one day i will actually make something hidden away in my email folder called 'recipes - heehee' (the heehee is cos i knew the chances of ever looking at anything i put in there ever again)...
    PAAAAAHHHHHPSIIIIIIIICLLLLLLLLE (still laughing)

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    1. I think we should petition to make eleventy a real number. We could fit it in right after fifty kertillion.

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  13. I really want one of those popsicles.

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    1. Me too, and I'm starting to realize I'm never going to remember to make my own - time to hit up the freezer section of the grocery, I guess.

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  14. I saw that on Pinterest, and it made me want to punch something. But, if you made them, maybe violent tendencies aren't required after all. Sorry for judging you, Slow Roasted Italian!

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    1. Okay, I can't stop laughing - I have a lot of pent up anger, and I'm really easily annoyed, and I strongly dislike cooking, but I don't think I've ever wanted to punch something over a recipe. That's awesome - I say go with it! Punch something! But not Slow Roasted Italian - we like her.

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  15. I was planning to make something like this! Granted, I plan a lot of things that I never actually do, but your post has inspired me. I think I can I think I can.

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    1. You can do it! I managed it without even setting a fire in my kitchen, which means anything's possible.

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Thank you for commenting - you're awesome! I mean, even if you're a jerk, at least it means you read my blog. RIGHT?!?